A SMALL question: When are researchers not researchers? Answer: When they鈥檙e suppliers. That, at least, is the view of the Engineering and Physical Sciences Research Council (EPSRC), which is fast becoming overwhelmed by a tide of US-style management-speak.
At a recent conference in London, held to explain EPSRC policies to universities and industry, its chairman Alan Rudge confused delegates with references to the council鈥檚 鈥渟upplier community鈥�. As it turned out, he was not talking about the people who provide disposable plastic cups for the coffee machines at the EPSRC headquarters in Swindon. Instead, he meant the scientists who receive EPSRC grants. Richard Brook, the council鈥檚 chief executive, meanwhile, was in a poetic frame of mind. The EPSRC鈥檚 job, he said, is to create a 鈥渓andscape of priority and populate this landscape 鈥� with projects鈥�.
Feedback turned to a friendly EPSRC official for an explanation. What鈥檚 wrong with talking about awarding grants to researchers? The answer, it seems, is that the council鈥檚 leaders feel a new vocabulary is needed to reflect the differences between the EPSRC and its predecessor, the Science and Engineering Research Council. The EPSRC鈥檚 mission is to improve Britain鈥檚 competitiveness and quality of life. As such, it must provide research results for 鈥渦sers鈥� who will employ this information for the benefit of UK plc. So 鈥渞esearchers鈥� become 鈥渟uppliers鈥�. And rather than giving grants, the EPSRC is now 鈥渂uying research鈥� from its supplier community.
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Will all this new terminology really make a difference? After all, British Rail started referring to its passengers as 鈥渃ustomers鈥� years ago, and standards have not noticeably improved. 鈥淚 still think of myself as a passenger,鈥� the EPSRC official confided.
MEANWHILE, the word 鈥渕echanic鈥� has been deemed politically incorrect in the US. Aviation Week & Space Technology reports that the Federal Aviation Administration now considers the word to have derogatory connotations of monkey wrenches and grease. Henceforth, all FAA publications relating to aviation staff will refer not to 鈥渕echanics鈥� but to 鈥渢echnicians鈥�.
THE other day, Feedback received a Newton鈥檚 cradle from AEA Technology. The cradle, a popular executive toy, is a row of four steel balls suspended by fine cords from a metal frame. If you pull away the ball at one end of the row and release it, it knocks off the ball at the other end. This then falls back, knocking the first ball off 鈥� and so on, for a surprisingly long time.
鈥淵ou can only understand the complete solution if you understand the whole problem,鈥� says AEA Technology鈥檚 accompanying letter, which goes on to extol the company鈥檚 鈥渕ultidisciplinary science and engineering skills鈥�, and how these can supply practical solutions to industry鈥檚 problems.
Having read the letter, Feedback tried out the cradle. 鈥淐lick鈥� went the ball at one end, and 鈥渃lick鈥� went the ball at the other. 鈥淐lick鈥� went the first again, and 鈥渃lick鈥� went the other 鈥� for all of 17 seconds.
Oh dear.
MERCURY will soon start axing one in five jobs and removing all its payphones from Britain鈥檚 streets. 鈥淭he current situation is untenable,鈥� says Duncan Lewis, Mercury鈥檚 chief executive. 鈥淲e need cost efficiency.鈥�
When the announcement was made at the end of last year, Feedback was surprised that Lord Young 鈥� who shaped Britain鈥檚 telecommunications policy when he was industry secretary and then became chairman of Mercury鈥檚 parent, Cable and Wireless 鈥� was not around to answer questions. Did this mean that Lord Young was an early casualty?
鈥淗e鈥檚 not in London today,鈥� said a spokesman. 鈥淲e don鈥檛 know where he is.鈥� But the spokesman seemed happy to produce some hard figures about how much Lord Young earns. For the year 1992-93 he had a basic salary and bonus of 拢863 410. For 1994, the sum fell a bit to 拢777 163. On top of this, Lord Young gets 拢171 373 in pension payments.
Who knows, perhaps the savings made by taking away the public鈥檚 payphones and axing 2500 jobs will push the chairman鈥檚 annual figure back past the million mark.
WHILE Mercury cuts costs, British Telecom has been celebrating ten years of privatisation. At one event, BT鈥檚 research labs at Martlesham showed off its leading-edge ideas. 鈥淵ou had better get acquainted with Robo-Sub,鈥� announced a BT researcher, 鈥渂ecause every magazine editor will be wanting to use it.鈥�
Robo-Sub is a 鈥渢ext summariser鈥� program for a personal computer. It automatically abridges articles by extracting the most important words and sentences. To show how it works, BT displayed the full text of the researcher鈥檚 speech on screen and then set Robo-Sub loose on cutting it down to 50 per cent of its original length, then 20 per cent and finally 5 per cent.
As far as Feedback could see, Robo-Sub strips out the verbiage, and leaves only the hard facts. Take for, instance, the following sentence, which we have concocted: 鈥淲ithout doubt BT鈥檚 attitude to customers, its general quality of service and overall efficiency have improved beyond all recognition in the decade since privatisation, but the company has made serious mistakes with Prestel, Telecom Gold, Telepoint, Electronic Yellow Pages and Phonebase electronic directory enquiries, and now faces further trouble as the Data Protection Registrar warns of the risks to privacy inherent in BT鈥檚 new Calling Line Identity system.鈥�
How will BT鈥檚 public relations people react if Robo-Sub strips out Feedback鈥檚 rather general and verbose compliments, while leaving behind the hard-fact catalogue of mistakes?
WRITER Victoria Ellis was delighted to receive a free packet of seeds with her review copy of Jekka鈥檚 Complete Herb Book, by Jekka McVicar (Kyle Cathie Ltd). They were the seeds of a species known in Australia as the incense plant, and bore the label 鈥淐alomeria amaranthoides (Humea elegans)鈥�.
Ellis eagerly looked it up in the book, where it is featured on page 2, which describes how the plant can grow up to 5 feet tall and was a favourite of the Victorians, who grew it in their conservatories.
At the bottom of the page, however, is a warning: 鈥淟eaves can cause irritation and the same kind of burns as rue. The scent can cause breathing difficulties and when in flower, it has a high pollen count and can trigger asthma attacks.鈥�
Ellis decided against planting the seeds.