EXPLODING Boy wants to know if there are any women who need a sex slave. PDot threatens to call the system administrator if he doesn鈥檛 stop flirting. Meanwhile, the Dangerous Cooks have an ugly confession to make 鈥� they鈥檙e actually yuppies. It鈥檚 all there in the public chat that鈥檚 flying around from all corners of San Francisco on SFNet, the citywide computer network where the 鈥渒ewl鈥� people hang out.
SFNet was born some five years ago. Now there are 29 caf茅s around the city linked up to the network, and more than 2000 private subscribers who join in from home. Further south, a caf茅 in Los Angeles installed its first public SFNet terminal in September.
The service does not provide a full Internet connection or the flashy graphics of the World Wide Web. Instead, its charm lies in the fact that it is local 鈥� many of these people know each other IRL (in real life). For only 25 cents for six minutes, anyone can drop into their nearest caf茅 and join in. Alternatively, homebodies pay $7 a month.
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I鈥檓 in the Muddy Waters Coffee Shop at 15th and Church Street, looking for someone to show me around the system. Marly (short for his online nickname of Marlboro Mania) is ready to oblige. Sporting a bandanna, goatee and pierced extremities, he is friendly, helpful and 鈥� best of all 鈥� doesn鈥檛 think I鈥檓 trying to pick him up.
I decide to use my initials, MAK, as my online nickname 鈥� a wise move, according to Marly. 鈥淣o one can tell you鈥檙e a woman,鈥� he says. 鈥淲omen often get harassed on here.鈥�
Most of the banter is pretty inane. PDot鈥檚 feeling sorry for herself because she鈥檚 stuck at home with a cold, while someone else says it should be 鈥渟hoot a fascist pig in the head week鈥� following an incident a couple of nights ago when local police shot dead an unarmed man suspected of drug dealing. It鈥檚 just after 2 pm on a gorgeous day, so I send my first message: 鈥淲hy aren鈥檛 we all out in the sunshine?鈥� Aria says she can鈥檛 understand it either. Fast Eddie is actually supposed to be working 鈥� as long as he keeps tapping at his computer, his boss is happy. Exploding Boy doesn鈥檛 like the sun, but wants to know the difference between a police car and a hedgehog. It鈥檚 an old joke and I鈥檓 happy to supply the answer.
Whenever a new person logs on, they have the chance to write a biography of themselves, which the others then call up. I hadn鈥檛 bothered with that and I get a private message from Christine Death, who wants to know why she can鈥檛 鈥渟ee鈥� me. Flattered by the attention, I instantly forget one of the golden rules of online communications 鈥� lots of people who present themselves as women are actually men. I tell Christine all about myself in a private reply. Luckily, I find out later that Christine is a genuine woman with a baby on the way.
Marly has suggested I visit a bar called NocNoc, where I can meet these people f2f (face to face). Christine, who is still the only person online who knows MAK is a woman, thinks NocNoc will be fine: 鈥淚t gets pretty crowded but no one will fuck with you.鈥�
It takes all kinds
The idea of meeting all these people is intriguing. Wayne Gregori, who founded SFNet, says they are an eclectic lot. At the cavernous Coffee Zone on Haight and Masonic, tie-dye, dreadlocks and baggy clothes are the order of the day, apart from one punk in purple trousers and a Sid Vicious T-shirt. Down the street, the population of the Horseshoe Coffee Shop seem to favour more black leather, tattoos and body piercing. Some of them look downright scary. Across town at Brainwash, the clientele is much more mixed 鈥� but what would you expect at San Francisco鈥檚 only online caf茅-cum-launderette? As well as the more outlandish dressers, Brainwash even attracts San Francisco鈥檚 nearest equivalent to Good Ol鈥� Boys, complete with baseball caps and beer bellies.
I head for NocNoc. It鈥檚 8.30 pm and the place is just starting to fill up. Marly sits in a corner, surrounded by friends. There鈥檚 Old Mole, a tubby, charming 40-something. At first he tries to convince me that he鈥檚 a pimp, but actually he鈥檚 something in print production. Interval Anachronous (mercifully shortened to I.A.) is a virtual reality hotshot who has just set up his own company. Venus Anemone works as a spiritual counsellor. I.A. and Venus met online over four years ago and have had an on-off relationship ever since. 鈥淚 knew her mind for two months before we ever met in person,鈥� says I.A.
Lanky, long-haired Mr Potatohead works for Wired, while Exploding Boy turns out to be an emaciated, six-foot punk with green hair. He is a writer. 鈥淕ood writers must consume their own bodyweight in gin each day,鈥� he insists, which probably explains why he鈥檚 shaking so badly. He鈥檚 still on the lookout for someone to dominate him, but I explain that I forgot to pack my high heels and handcuffs.
The only people I find using their own names are Kate and Amy, and that鈥檚 because they are not yet Netters. But they鈥檙e anxious to get in on the act. Kate filled in her SFNet subscription forms today, and Amy will subscribe as soon as she gets a computer. It鈥檚 definitely the thing to do. In fact, the first question people ask each other as they mingle around the bar is 鈥淎re you a Netter?鈥�
The conversation meanders and the volume gradually increases. Someone鈥檚 mother has just got religion in a big way. O. J. and Ferman should be locked in a cell together and left to fight it out. Has anybody seen the latest martial arts fantasy movie? Isn鈥檛 it annoying when Gregori鈥檚 toddler gets into the computer room at his house and jams up the SFNet server. All deep stuff.
鈥淪ome people say that Netting can damage your social life,鈥� says Snee, a loud, friendly young woman. 鈥淭hey鈥檙e totally wrong. We organise loads of stuff that way. If I want to go somewhere, I can just dial up and see if anyone else wants to come along.鈥� And sometimes I don鈥檛 know people well enough to give them my phone number, but we can still keep in touch by Netting.鈥�
Marly says: 鈥淲hen you see us all together, it might be hard to understand. Skinheads, black men, punks, lesbians, gays, you鈥檒l find them all here. Netting is a great way to meet people, especially if you鈥檙e shy.鈥�