FEEDBACK was delighted to learn recently that public service employees still retain a sense of humour in an increasingly cynical world: On 20 January we revealed that London Underground staff at Northwood station have taken to providing commonsense and entertaining explanations for the cancellation of trains. The messages are written on a wipe-clean board at the station, and give the scheduled time and destination of the train and an explanation, in plain language, for the cancellation. An example was: 鈥�0800 Baker Street -Trip failure (a safety brake type of thingy)鈥�.
Last week we were intrigued to see that the station notice board was given over to a different message: Because of false allegations made recently in New 杏吧原创 magazine, no more information will be provided on this board until a full apology has been received from the editor of the magazine.鈥�
Naturally, we apologise unreservedly for any offence given. But it was never our intention to decry the efforts of the station鈥檚 staff. On the contrary, we can only applaud those who make the lot of the commuter more bearable on a grim Monday morning by providing cheerful messages.
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London Underground bosses should take note: employees at Northwood deserve a big bonus for brightening up the dreary lives of their customers and not being from the 鈥渋t鈥檚 more than my job鈥檚 worth鈥� school of public transport so often encountered by beleaguered travellers. More power to their elbows 鈥� and their felt-tip pens.
SPRING will soon be upon us, so brace yourselves for yet another week of gimmickry up and down the land to popularise science (er 鈥� and engineering and technology). This year鈥檚 week of whacky events 鈥� the third bash of its kind 鈥� begins on Thursday 21 March. But a big problem is looming for the British Association for the Advancement of Science, which coordinates the whole shebang.
A survey commissioned by the British Association to gauge the impact of last year鈥檚 bash showed that the media simply couldn鈥檛 figure out how to refer to the event. Officially, it was called the 鈥淣ational Week of Science, Engineering and Technology鈥�, or 鈥渟et95鈥� for short. But the survey established that that only 8 per cent of the 900 media items mentioning the event gave it its full title, and only 10 pet cent used the abbreviation set95.
鈥淚n all, we found a remarkable total of 27 different names for use in the week,鈥� writes Andy Boddington of Evaluation Associates, the consultancy that carried out the survey, in a British Association newsletter. 鈥淭his certainly suggests that current branding isn鈥檛 working.鈥�
Some 58 per cent of the articles and all the broadcast items plumped for 鈥淣ational Science Week鈥� or just plain 鈥淪cience Week鈥�. This finding is guaranteed to get right up the noses of engineers. Rattled by the popular perception that they simply mend the telly or fix the plumbing, engineers were adamant that 鈥渆ngineering鈥� and 鈥渢echnology鈥� should be given equal prominence in the title alongside science. Hence the garbled, unwieldy compromise.
So what鈥檚 to be done? It seems that the Queen鈥檚 English is letting the side down. Perhaps we should take a leaf out of the Kaiser鈥檚 German. 鈥淭he trouble is that the English language does not have an equivalent of the German word, Wissenschaft, which encompasses the full range of science, engineering and technology including the social sciences,鈥� writes Boddington. 鈥淲e desperately need a word akin to 鈥榓rts鈥� that can be applied to the totality of science, engineering and technology.鈥�
Well, it looks as though any offers will be gratefully received. How about 鈥淲issenschaft Week鈥�, or simply 鈥淒iscovery Week鈥�? Odds on, it鈥檒l be plain old Science Week, whatever tongue twisters the linguists spin out.
SEX ON the Internet! It鈥檚 shocking! It鈥檚 disgraceful! It ought not to be allowed! It鈥檚 time something was done about it! Et cetera!
Feedback is getting a bit bored with the constant moral wringing of hands about Internet pornography. Service providers, software companies and politicians alike bemoan the problem, and pledge to keep obscene material out of the wrong hands.
Yet the pornography industry flourishes in other media all over the world, and fortunes are made out of it. So perhaps we should at least respect the honesty of a recent advertisement in the American newspapers, which promised in large type: 鈥淭otal Internet access 鈥� Unlimited! Uncensored!鈥�
A GOOD story deserves a good airing. What follows was spotted in Bike magazine, which had spotted it in Pilot magazine.
Two members of the Lothian and Borders traffic police were recently having a pleasant time out on the Scottish moors, trapping speeding motorists with a radar gun. Suddenly their equipment went crazy, registering a speed of over 300 miles per hour. It then locked up completely. Seconds later the startled boys in blue understood why, as a low-flying Harrier jet screamed over their heads. Upset that their radar gun had been broken, the policemen put in a complaint to the Royal Air Force 鈥� only to discover that the damage could easily have been much worse.
The RAF informed them that the Harrier鈥檚 target-seeker had locked on to what it had interpreted as enemy radar. This immediately triggered an automatic air-to-surface missile attack. Fortunately for the two policemen, the Harrier was operating unarmed.
SOME READERS of The Times might have found that the paper鈥檚 report early this month on the extinction of a British bat had a strangely familiar ring to it.
The bat in question is the mouse-eared bat which, The Times informed us on 2 February, 鈥渋s believed by wildlife experts to be extinct 鈥� the first British mammal to have suffered that fate since the wolf in 1745鈥�.
The sensational impact of this sad news was somewhat diminished by an earlier report which appeared in The Times nearly a year ago, on 4 March 1995, and stated that the mouse-eared bat had 鈥渏oined the funeral procession鈥� of extinct species.
And the impact was diminished still further by a report years earlier, that 鈥渢he last known mouse-eared bat in Britain has been declared dead by bat watchers who have not seen it at its home鈥�.
That report also appeared in The Times 鈥� on 5 February 1992.
FINALLY, Feedback has news of a terrifying new weapon that destroys people but leaves buildings intact. It鈥檚 called a mortgage.