* * *
Tic talk
Dear Jess,
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Whenever my PhD supervisor is about to go critical, I seem to go ape. No
matter how hard I try to resist, I always end up scratching my cheeks, touching
my hair, rubbing my arms鈥攁nything rather than sit still. It鈥檚 hard to
stand up to him when I look like some fidgety schoolgirl. Is there any hope for
me?
Yours, Susan
Dear Susan,
You are not alone. Body language experts tell us that we tend to scratch, rub
and groom ourselves when we鈥檙e under stress and feeling anxious.
Our primate relatives go through a similar performance when they鈥檙e in
stressful situations. Just being near to a dominant male can prompt a monkey to
develop a strong interest in self-grooming. Monkeys also groom themselves (and
others) like mad after confrontations鈥攁nd it鈥檚 not just to smooth ruffled
fur.
People tend to get more fidgety when facing some ordeal. Some think that
these repetitive movements can be comforting. Research shows that if
schoolchildren swing their legs while tackling schoolwork, their heart rates
fall. It could be their way of dealing with stress.
Next time you start fidgeting when facing your crabby supervisor, just recall
that you may be doing something of deep biological significance. And remember,
he is probably far from being the alpha male of the campus. Imagine how this
beastly personality would behave when confronted by a dominating
vice-chancellor.
Yours, Jess
* * *
Led by the VNOse?
Dear Jess,
I love going to the opera but I can never seem to keep my mind on the music.
Once I鈥檓 in the theatre, I鈥檓 eyeing up all the babes in the place and I start
mentally rehearsing chat-up lines. My brain tells me I should desist, but I feel
as if I鈥檓 being controlled by invisible forces. I don鈥檛 suppose there could be
anything in that hoary old idea of pheromones affecting human behaviour, could
there?
Yours, Don
Dear Don,
Other mammals use pheromones as anything from scents to attract the opposite
sex to calling cards, so you could argue that it would be odd if we were
completely inarticulate in this ancient chemical language. Yet if we really were
in the grip of these fragrant forces, wouldn鈥檛 we know about it?
At one time, sceptics might have said that we were unlikely to be pheromone
users because we don鈥檛 have a functioning vomeronasal organ (VNO)鈥攁 sort
of subsidiary nose鈥攖ucked away in the bony part of the wall that separates
the two halves of the nasal cavity. In other mammals, the vomeronasal organ
detects pheromones, which is why it is nicknamed the 鈥渟exual nose鈥�.
But researchers now say that we do have a vomeronasal organ after all. What鈥檚
more, this organ鈥檚 neurons seem to react when it鈥檚 exposed to certain chemicals.
Molecular biologists have already isolated genes that code for proteins in the
rat鈥檚 VNO which seem to respond to ratty pheromones. Now they鈥檙e searching for
similar genes in humans.
So it could turn out that we have fully functional pheromone-detecting
equipment up our noses after all. What this means for opera-house flirtations is
hard to say. But even if your lack of musical constancy turns out to be
influenced by pheromones, I can鈥檛 believe that you鈥檙e powerless to resist. Pull
yourself together: think crotchets and quavers, not coquettes and ravers.
Yours, Jess
* * *
Wind sonata
Dear Jess,
I鈥檓 looking for a job as a librarian, but I find interviews very stressful.
At my last interview, the room had just gone quiet, when my stomach let out this
monstrous gurgling noise. I fluffed the rest of the interview, convinced the
panel would regard me as far too loud to work in the library.
Yours, Norman
Dear Norman,
Isn鈥檛 it strange how those wonderful gurgling noises always time themselves
so perfectly? Borborygmi, as they are called, are caused by gas bubbles coursing
through your intestine鈥攕o anything that fills the gut with gas can turn
your abdomen into an unwieldy wind instrument.
The gas in those gurgles comes from four main sources: from gases naturally
trapped in food, from gulping air, from bacterial breakdown of carbohydrates we
can鈥檛 digest (like those in beans and cabbage), and from chemical reactions
between stomach acid and bicarbonate. Most people release at least 500
millilitres of gas a day, some more obtrusively than others.
In one study, researchers investigated whether people are more prone to
digestive mayhem when they are feeling anxious. They tested medical students in
an exam. The students showed all the signs of stress (higher heart rates, blood
pressure and stress hormone levels), but their guts were neither noisier nor
looser than usual, and the only hint of trouble was abdominal pain. Maybe
medical students鈥� anatomies are more robust than the rest of us.
The lesson is clear. Next time you have an interview, lay off the beans and
avoid nervous gulping. And if that fails, try the oldest trick in the book: look
accusingly at someone on the interview panel as if you鈥檙e absolutely certain the
wind solo came from that direction.
Yours Jess
* * *
Itch hitch
Dear Jess,
I need your help with a ticklish problem. As soon as I think about anything
from head lice to hairy sweaters, I start to itch like mad. When it happens, I
just have to have a long, satisfying scratch. The trouble is I鈥檝e just landed a
part-time job as a model at my local art college, and I don鈥檛 think my new
employers are going to be very sympathetic.
Yours, David
Dear David,
You poor thing. Few urges are quite as compelling as the desire to banish an
itch. On the other hand, the students are going to find it difficult to capture
your noble features if you鈥檙e constantly dropping your pose for a good
scratch.
Scratching seems to work as a remedy because it stimulates pain receptors in
the skin. In general, a given patch of skin can鈥檛 both hurt and itch at the same
time, so a well-directed scratch or rub extinguishes the itch. Physiologists say
that itching has a lot in common with pain (similar nerve fibres are responsible
for both sensations) but the exact relationship between the two is still a
matter for debate.
Look on the bright side. At least you鈥檙e better off when posing than those
guardsmen on duty who have to stand stock still while wearing those
itchy-looking bearskin helmets. You will simply have to work at cultivating
their steely resolve鈥攐r find a less demanding profession.
Yours, Jess
* * *
Yawn again
Dear Jess,
It鈥檚 9 am at the conference venue, and I鈥檓 ready to deliver my coruscating
talk to the assembled delegates. But instead of bright-eyed enthusiastic faces,
I鈥檓 greeted by a sea of yawns. I tempt my audience with the riches of science,
offer them countless stimulating slides of my excellent data and yet nothing
helps. What am I doing wrong?
Yours, Martha
Dear Martha,
May I be completely candid? You don鈥檛 suppose your lecture might have been just
a bit, well, unstimulating, do you? No, of course not. I was only asking.
Research confirms that we really are more likely to yawn soon after getting up
or just before going to bed. More surprisingly, there鈥檚 no obvious link between
the number of times we yawn and the amount of time we鈥檝e just spent in bed.
There are enough theories about yawning to make even the most bright-eyed academic
glaze over. Here are a few: it could increase oxygen levels in the blood; keep the
lungs鈥� alveoli from collapsing; or, by stretching and squeezing face muscles, it
could change patterns of blood flow to the brain; it can be a sign of imminent
activity; or that we have just come through some stressful experience..
Another comforting thought鈥攜awning really is infectious. Yawn specialists
thinking this strange phenomenon could be a way of coordinating the behaviour and even
the physiology of groups. Why not do some informal research on this intriguing
phenomenon at your next conference?
Yours, Jess