MANY inventors claim that their latest idea is 鈥渢he dog鈥檚
bollocks鈥�. This is the real thing: CTI Corporation of Buckner, Missouri, has
developed a line in polypropylene canine testicles.
Artificial testicles, according to Chemical and Engineering News,
are selling like hot cakes in the US and Canada. Trade-named Neuticles, they are
installed in the dog鈥檚 scrotum in a two-minute procedure immediately following
removal of the original articles. The idea is to be able to neuter dogs without
causing psychological trauma.
Gregg Miller, CTI鈥檚 president, suggests that Neuticles will encourage owners
to have their dogs seen to: 鈥淲ith these, the dog looks the same. He feels the
same. He doesn鈥檛 even know he鈥檚 been neutered.鈥�
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Although Miller admits that some people think the product is silly, he claims
that Neuticles are 鈥渂ig news in the veterinary industry鈥�. More than 900 pairs
have been implanted in American dogs since March, he says.
Miller has even produced 鈥淚 love Neuticles鈥� bumper stickers for the proud
owners of dogs with ersatz balls. Veterinarians, however, are sceptical of the
idea that Neuticles can do much for a dog鈥檚 self-esteem.
BACK from a trip to Japan, Feedback can report on two everyday Tokyo gismos
that deserve wider adoption. First, the 鈥渟mart鈥� urinal. Equipped with a
photocell that sees when you zip up your fly and walk away, it times its flush
accordingly so as to conserve water and save your trousers from an unwanted
shower. Secondly, the traffic light that displays a countdown to the light
change. Japanese hot-rodders now know not to rev up until five seconds before
the green light鈥攁nd dozy drivers are less likely to stall in sheer
surprise.
WHEN we published our guide to headlines with a 鈥渇irm grasp of the obvious鈥�,
little did we know that a classic of the genre was lurking so close to home. The
Financial Times reported this year鈥檚 Nobel Prize for Medicine under the
startling head: 鈥淢edical scientists win prize鈥�.
What next: 鈥淭ennis player wins men鈥檚 singles鈥�? 鈥淔ootball team wins World
颁耻辫鈥�?
THANKS to the many readers who responded to Feedback鈥檚 challenge to summarise
the mind-boggling abstruseness of an abstract by Michael
Bujatti-Narbeshuber (12 October). Here are a few of their suggestions.
Michael Fancourt鈥檚 interpretation is that: 鈥淐hoosing to make friends rather
than fly or fight leads to a cosy seaside holiday procreating an intelligent
infant.鈥� Rhodri Powell echoes the seaside theme: 鈥淵ou鈥檙e all mellow and
spiritual after the beach-bonk of a lifetime. Doesn鈥檛 stop you going ape when
you find some play-dreamer has been watching it all.鈥�
F. M. Jones, however, takes a somewhat different view. 鈥淗umans,鈥� she
suggests, 鈥渉ave an unusual evolutionary advantage because in the absence of
danger their social status depends on creativity and intellect.鈥� P. Siddau
offers: 鈥淓ver since we climbed out of the swamp, some of us have preferred to
look up to others.鈥�
Doug Cross gives us a more hormonal explanation: 鈥淓xpansion of
serotonin-mediated behaviour allowed allegedly semiaquatic man to modify
adrenaline-based aggression to develop unique social behaviour.鈥� Still baffled?
He has a simpler version: 鈥淧eople are much better behaved once they鈥檝e left the
seaside.鈥� And then, simpler still: 鈥淗olidays are nice鈥攂ut great to be
产补肠办.鈥�
Three readers, however, are even more concise. Ceri Brown suggests:
鈥淗ormones, happiness and human evolution.鈥� Ian Gammie proposes: 鈥淚t鈥檚 all in the
mind.鈥� And Garry Knight is briefest of all with, simply, 鈥淏aywatch
鈥�.
Perhaps Bujatti-Narbeshuber would care to let us know which of these
excellent interpretations is nearest the mark.
LISTENERS to the London news radio station LBC have a gripe. Its
chat shows and phone-ins are broadcast only on medium wave, at 1152 kilohertz,
and reception is poor in south London.
LBC鈥檚 transmitters are in north London so the signal is inevitably weaker in
the south of the city. After dark, a very powerful station broadcasting from
Cluj in Romania finishes off the job. The Romanian signals bounce off the upper
atmosphere and blitz London, wiping out LBC altogether.
For years this has been regarded as an unfortunate but inescapable fact of
life. But recently a listener phoned LBC from Bognor, some 100 kilometres away
on the south coast, claiming perfect reception. Feedback at first thought this
was an idle boast, but drove down there one weekend to check it out. The
listener was right. Now more listeners have called in, reporting perfect
reception 100 kilometres south of Calais in France. One claims to listen in from
Paris.
Feedback asked NTL, the company which runs LBC鈥檚 transmitters, what on Earth
was going on.
鈥淚t鈥檚 not that unusual,鈥� said NTL鈥檚 spokesman. 鈥淚 am not an expert so I don鈥檛
know why. Try the Radio Authority.鈥�
The Radio Authority, which controls independent broadcasting in Britain,
seemed a lot more interested. 鈥淚鈥檇 have said it was nonsense too,鈥� admitted an
engineer, 鈥渂ut medium-wave reception is a black art which no one fully
耻苍诲别谤蝉迟补苍诲蝉.鈥�
鈥淚 am a Celtic football fan,鈥� he went on to confide, 鈥渁nd when I lived in
Hampshire I used to listen to their matches from a local station in Scotland on
a Saturday afternoon. But at around 5 o鈥檆lock the signal always disappeared. So
I never heard the results.鈥�
LBC鈥檚 failure to reach south London could have important social consequences.
The station is especially popular with London cabbies, who are famously
reluctant to venture south of the Thames. Romanian interference can only
reinforce their conviction that Kennington lies at the edge of the known
world.
A BIZARRE conclusion emerged from a recent article in the
Journal of the Marine Biological Association of the United Kingdom about
the nature of North Atlantic seawater. While studying a body of water which was
found to be moving west, it was hypothesised that this eddy, named 鈥淪torm
Physalia鈥�, would 鈥渞each the Mid-Atlantic Ridge in rather less than a year unless
it is destroyed by typography鈥�.
Feedback has warned the New 杏吧原创 design team to be extra
careful, lest a carelessly laid-out page precipitates such a tragedy.