FEEDBACK has tended to pooh-pooh the idea that civilisation as we know it
will end on 1 January 2000 because computers won鈥檛 be able to cope with the
change of date. On the other hand, a report in the New Zealand Herald
has made us think again.
Production suddenly ground to a halt at the New Zealand Aluminium Smelters鈥�
Tiwai Point plant on New Year鈥檚 Eve, leaving five smelting cells burnt to a
frazzle and a repair bill for more than half a million pounds. The reason? A
computer program had failed to account for 1996 being a leap year. When it got
to an unanticipated 366th day in the year, it went haywire and shut down 600
process control computers on the stroke of midnight.
Two hours later, the same thing happened for the same reason at Comalco
Smelting鈥檚 Bell Bay smelter in Tasmania.
Advertisement
Be warned. When computers don鈥檛 know what day it is, they can cause a whole
lot of trouble.
THE latest health research from the US reveals an unexpected
medical risk factor: living too close to the doctor.
The Mayo Clinic in Minnesota was worried that after an appointment many
patients either forget what their doctor tells them or ignore the advice anyway.
To find out, researchers monitored 556 people on visits to their GP, noted what
the doctor told each patient, then followed the patient home and asked what they
had heard. The patients 鈥渄id not mention 68 per cent of the health problems
diagnosed,鈥� the study found, 鈥渋ncluding 54 per cent of the most important
problems鈥�. The study suggested that 鈥渄enial鈥� and 鈥渟elective listening鈥� were the
main techniques used by the patients to ignore medical advice.
But the survey concluded that 鈥減atients who travelled a considerable distance
for their care were most likely to remember and follow what their doctor had
discussed with them鈥�. Perhaps this has been known by the people who run our
National Health Service for some time鈥攁nd this is why they are closing
down so many of Britain鈥檚 local hospitals.
WE HAVEN鈥橳 been able to verify this. But a respected music recording engineer
tells us of an e-mail publicity message he has just received.
It reports that Hungary is making a special contribution to music this year.
The Serenading Condom uses technology very similar to the kind that makes
birthday and Christmas cards play a tinny tune when they鈥檙e opened. A
microswitch in the condom connects a small battery to a preprogrammed sound
synthesiser and a tiny loudspeaker. When the condom is unfurled, it plays a
tune.
Hungarian lovers can choose between two serenades. One version of the condom
plays the traditional Hungarian tune, You Sweet Little Dumbbell. The
other sings the Internationale (鈥淎rise ye workers鈥�).
Apart from the obvious question (where does the relatively bulky electronics
go during use?), Feedback cannot help remembering how distracting it is to hear
a greetings card chirruping away after opening. With cards there is a simple
answer: just close them again. This, however, is a lot harder with an unrolled,
in situ condom. It also rather defeats the object.
WHERE there鈥檚 muck there truly is brass, according to Benjamin
Luberoff writing in the latest issue of the esteemed journal Chemistry &
Industry.
Luberoff reports that in Sacramento, California, someone is stealing the
trash. Not just any old rubbish, mind鈥攖his is California. The stuff that鈥檚
attracting the attention of the local criminals is the tons of recyclable
rubbish residents sort and leave out for collection every week.
Apparently, it鈥檚 easy to load a pickup truck with aluminium cans, paper and
glass, drive to the local recycling plant and pick up more than a few nickels
and dimes in return for one鈥檚 efforts. The local police department estimates
that some $400 000 worth of recyclables are being scavenged from the
garbage of Sacramento鈥檚 citizens each year.
If it鈥檚 happening in California today, no doubt it will happen here
tomorrow.
ALTHOUGH not nearly as popular as they were in the 18th century, leeches are
undergoing a limited revival: they are being used in orthodox medicine to remove
excess blood and lymph from injured limbs. A public health expert in Connecticut
wrote to an Internet health forum recently about a man whose foot was almost
severed in a motorcycle crash, and who faced fluid build-up after it was
reattached by surgery.
Leeches were suggested, but, the writer noted, 鈥渢he psychological impact of
using leeches on an already traumatised patient鈥� was overlooked. The man began
having nightmares about leeches attaching themselves to his skin, and the brief
鈥減re-leech鈥� counselling he was given did not seem to alleviate his fears.
He was only eventually persuaded by the thought of the
alternative鈥攍osing his foot.
YET MORE readers have been perplexed by the error messages they
have received from their computers.
Geert Jan van Oldenborgh has detected an existentialist bent to the Unix
鈥渢alk鈥� facility. It dismisses users who are not properly registered with the
system with the words: 鈥淕o away. You don鈥檛 exist.鈥�
Second-guessing the user, a typesetting program told Simon Tatham: 鈥淚f you鈥檙e
perverse enough to have got this error, you know exactly what you did wrong.鈥�
Richard Hooker鈥檚 Unix system was more subtly condemning: 鈥淭his is not a
typewriter,鈥� it told him. Doug Moncur鈥檚 file conversion utility, on the other
hand, was less confident about itself: 鈥淓rror: disk full, or something . . .鈥� it
complained vaguely.
Matthew Flint was stumped when he tried to play an audio CD with Windows
3.11: 鈥淎n undetectable error has occurred while loading the device driver.鈥�
Quite apart from the program鈥檚 name, Oliver Low had problems with the message
he received while running LaTeX. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e in trouble here,鈥� he was told.
Version 4 of Microsoft鈥檚 Visual C++ panicked after finding a section of code
from an earlier version in Mike Smith鈥檚 file. 鈥淵our code contains an error that
we have ignored in previous versions of Visual C++ but we have started to worry
about now in order to conform to the new C++ standards.鈥� A grave problem indeed
if it worries Microsoft.
Ben Ross, as a practising GP, was less than amused to receive the message:
鈥淵ou have just performed an illegal operation.鈥�
Finally, God will be pleased to hear that Peter Bloxsom鈥檚 computer came up
with the message: 鈥淐annot Undo Creation鈥�. But Liz James鈥檚 Unix system was less
modest. 鈥淯se start command to bring up the Universe,鈥� it told her.