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IT WAS the year of the New Labour landslide in Britain and the country now
has a new head prefect—Tony Blair. There would be no more decisions taken
in smoke-filled rooms. This was a government of principle. Tobacco companies
would be banned from sponsoring sport. But Formula 1 motor racing would be
allowed more time. It just so happened that Formula 1’s boss had given the
Labour Party £1 million for its election fund. Of course there was no
connection. In much the same way as Bill Clinton smoked exotic cigarettes, but
never inhaled.

It was also a controversial year in science. Dolly the sheep, was the first
animal to be cloned from an adult cell. The dangers of the technique were widely
debated and amply underlined as millions of teenage girls donned platform shoes
in an effort to clone a Dolly Mixture all of their own—the Spice Girls.

But enough of this year. Here’s the Christmas quiz—nine questions and a
choice of answers—some right and some wrong. It’s up to you to spot the
turkeys.

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1. That sauvignon you had at the office party was delicious. Or at least it
seemed so at the time. But what did it smell of?

a) there was the scent of raspberry in the complex lively aroma, with just a
hint of iron filings

b) cat pee

c) you don’t know but it was better than the awful plonk you had at last
year’s bash

2. The oracle at Delphi was famously enigmatic. The priestess—known as
the Pythia—went into a trance and spoke in riddles. And that was just on a
good day. So why were the prophecies such incomprehensible gibberish?

a) she had been inhaling petroleum fumes—the ancient equivalent of
glue-sniffing

b) the hollow statue of the omphalos, the symbolic navel of the Earth, stored
fungi containing psilocybin—that’s magic mushrooms

c) oracular slaves liberally topped up the priestly libations—the
ancient Greeks even used to talk about going out on the pythia

Nifty nosh

3. Saint-Nectaire is a delicious creamy yellow cheese. Why does it taste
quite so good?

a) it’s a question of when you eat it. The cheese is at its best in July and
August

b) it’s the cows’ exclusive diet of freshly cut Alpine grasses

c) the milk comes from particular breeds of cows, the Tarentaise or
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4. The world’s biggest potato was covered in the pages of New
ÐÓ°ÉÔ­´´ this year. So how big was it?

a) it was a 2-kilogram genetically engineered potato—enough to feed a
family of six

b) it was a naturally grown potato, weighing 3.2 kg—enough to feed a
family of ten

c) you don’t know, your chippy uses a down-market tabloid to wrap them
in—not New ÐÓ°ÉÔ­´´

Gizmo flaws

5. The Stealth bomber is a wonderful piece of modern technology. The plane’s
coating makes it invisible to radar. There is only one thing wrong. What is
it?

a) it costs $2 billion

b) it can’t cope with subzero temperatures in the upper atmosphere

c) it doesn’t work in the wet. The rain washes off the hi-tech coating

6. The Channel Tunnel was closed early this year after a fire in the
open-sided wagons that carry lorries. Why does Eurotunnel, the tunnel operator,
not want to enclose the wagons to slow the spread of fire?

a) it would cost too much

b) the wagons would be too heavy

c) wagons with flat sides would blow over in high winds outside the
tunnel

Skullduggery

7. The smaller skull is human and relatively recent. So what is the
larger skull?

a) it was a T. Rex skull, posing for a publicity shot at the
Philadelphia launch of the Flintstones on CD-ROM

b) Giganotosaurus carolinii, which used these impressive gnashers to
slice and dice sauropods

Cuddly animals

8. Despite their enormous brains, killer whales are unlikely ever to master
the finer points of chess—you try moving a bishop with a fin. So what
games do these mammals like to play?

a) the latest research shows that they enjoy playing with plastic balls in
the wild, as well as in captivity

b) synchronised swimming

c) Frisbee with stingrays

9. In South Africa’s Kruger National Park, they kill 600 elephants a year to
keep the population down. So they tried putting Mrs Jumbo on the Pill. What went
wrong?

a) nothing—it was pressure from big game hunters who wanted to shoot
elephants that halted the experiment

b) the females were in heat all the time and the bulls wouldn’t leave them
alone

c) the elephants kept forgetting to take the Pill

Answers

1. a)-5 b)5 c)-5

2. a)5 b)-5 c)-5

3. a)-5 b)-5 c)5

4. a)-5 b)5 c)-5

5. a)-5 b)-5 c)5

6. a)5 b)5 c)5

7. a)-5 b)5

8. a)-5 b)-5 c)5

9. a)-5 b)5 c)-5

How you scored

Less than zero: You found more than your fair share of turkeys.

From 5 to 45: Deduct 10 points if you glanced at the answers during the quiz

More than 45: You weren’t taking this seriously, were you?