WE TRY not to knock British Telecom all the time, honest. The company has
many virtues, and we would not wish to appear unduly malicious towards this or
any other large business that happens to make gigantic profits for its directors
and shareholders. So we were pleased to read this promise in a BT leaflet
encouraging people to have one of its phone lines installed:
鈥淎nd of course a lot of conversations will be free,鈥� says the leaflet.
Free phone calls, we thought, like some of BT鈥檚 cellphone competitors? What
splendid news.
Advertisement
But then we read on. 鈥�. . . because once you鈥檝e got your own phone, other
people will be able to call you.鈥�
Now that鈥檚 what Feedback calls cheek.
ONE OF the drawbacks of New 杏吧原创鈥檚 move to the centre of London
is that the area is prone to bomb scares. There was one last week at the Royal
Mail鈥檚 West End office which closed it down for several hours and held up all
our mail.
Later, an insider at the post office told us what he had heard lay behind the
scare. Some time ago, for some marketing purpose or other, the Royal Mail had
ordered imitation hand grenades from a toy manufacturer. When they were
delivered, the security people running the post office X-ray machine weren鈥檛
expecting them. Their scanner revealed hand grenades in the the packages, so the
bomb squad was called in.
Sadly, this entertaining version of events was contradicted by the
Evening Standard next day. According to the London paper, what brought the
post to a halt was a cigarette lighter shaped like a hand grenade, which had
been posted to the BBC as a PR gimmick only to be intercepted en route by the
post office scanners.
Whatever the truth, we offer our apologies to those whose letters from
New 杏吧原创 arrived late because of the scare.
THANKS to Simon Hart, who has sent us yet another list of neologisms used by
researchers in the Antarctic. Clearly, inventing new words is a necessary way of
killing boredom during the long Southern night.
Once again, we are unable to give the whole list. But here is a sample which,
we feel, gives a vivid impression of what life is like on the frozen continent.
On the ice (to be in Antarctica).
Off the ice (to be anywhere else on Earth鈥攁lso known as 鈥渢he
real world鈥�).
Ice time (total amount of time spent on the ice).
Lifer (someone with a lot of ice time).
Dome slug (a person who spends all their days inside the dome-shaped
building at the South Pole rather than venturing outdoors once in a while).
Toast(the mental state induced by long periods on the ice. Symptoms
are a prolonged unblinking stare and a nervous giggle).
Well done, crispy, burnt, charcoal
(varying degrees of toast).
The Crud (bugs and viruses brought in by newcomers. Since everyone on station
has a depleted immune system due to the lack of local microbes, the crud tends
spreads fast).
Snotsicles (two long icicles suspended from ones moustache, directly
beneath the nostrils. These can grow to several inches in size in a few
hours).
Hero shot (photograph of oneself standing at the South Pole).
AIRLINES IN the US are complaining about the bulk of hand luggage crammed
into overhead lockers and the space under seats in crowded passenger
compartments. They warn that falling bags can be hazardous to passengers and
crew, and are starting to get tough with passengers who flaunt the limits on
size for hand luggage.
They started by putting 鈥渞ight size鈥� boxes by their check-in counters, but
that didn鈥檛 do the trick. So United Airlines has turned to a laser system for
measuring luggage. This seems to be working.
Feedback certainly would be a little intimidated if confronted with the
鈥�3-megawatt average power scanner鈥� described by Aviation Week & Space
Technology. That鈥檚 somewhat more powerful than the Pentagon鈥檚 most powerful
steady beam laser for military weapons research, which generates a mere 2.2
megawatts for a matter of seconds.
Three megawatts certainly should trim baggage down to size, if not vaporise
it altogether. Or did the 鈥渕W鈥� in the magazine鈥檚 press release really mean
milliwatts?
TALKING OF airlines, we wouldn鈥檛 suspect them of pandering to their
customers鈥� superstitions about flying in any way. But it鈥檚 odd that page 13 of
the ticket for KLM鈥檚 鈥淔lying Dutchman鈥� service has nothing on it that could
possibly be misinterpreted as an invitation to bad luck. Instead, it simply
says: 鈥淚ntentionally left blank.鈥�
AND AIR New Zealand has sound advice for passengers on domestic flights about
the use of the in-flight phone. 鈥淯sers are asked not to phone 111 [the
equivalent of 999 or 911] for emergency services whilst airborne,鈥� they are
told.
FINALLY, British Airways clearly understands the kinds of pressure its
Executive Club members suffer from. In the coverslip of the airline鈥檚 handbook
for members, the company advises: 鈥淭o save a bit of room in your briefcase, feel
free to discard your existing handbook and replace it with your new one鈥�.
It鈥檚 obviously the kind of thing a busy executive would never think of.