INTREPID researchers are constantly finding differences in how men and women
respond to everything from drugs to exercise. Now James Kellaris, a professor of
marketing at the University of Cincinnati, reports that the sexes respond
differently to onhold music.
Kellaris tested 41 men and 30 women, letting them think they were trying to
reach a customer support line and subjecting them to four different types of
music while they waited. The 71 unfortunates had to listen to six minutes of
either light jazz, classical, rock or 鈥渁dult alternative鈥濃�攁 鈥渂lend of
contemporary styles鈥�.
Kellaris gauged how aggravating or bearable the music was for his subjects by
asking them to estimate how long they had been forced to listen to it. Rock,
with its 鈥渄riving beat,鈥� was judged the worst overall. But men preferred
classical, while women believed their waits were shortest during light jazz.
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The subjects were also asked to evaluate the music with a 鈥減ositive鈥� or
鈥渘egative鈥� rating. Based on those ratings, Kellaris recommends 鈥渁dult
alternative鈥� music because most of the men and women responded tepidly to
it.
He suggests, however, that ideally, customers should be given a choice: 鈥淚f
you鈥檙e male, please press one. If you鈥檙e female, please press two. If you鈥檙e in
a bad mood, please hang up and try later.鈥�
TALKING of which, if you call the Compuserve technical support line, the
onhold music you鈥檙e subjected to is Unchained Melody by the Righteous
Brothers鈥攚ith its famous intro, 鈥淭ime goes by so slowly鈥︹��
Ha, ha, ha.
A HOSPITAL in Taiwan has found a cheap and easy way of getting round the Y2K
problem. It has renamed this year 1991, and reset all its computer clocks
accordingly.
So next January, when life around the planet comes to a halt because
computers can鈥檛 cope with the change of date, the 500 PCs at Shin Kong hospital
in Taipei will happily hum on, thinking they are entering 1992.
鈥淲e found the conventional way of correcting the problem very expensive,鈥� a
hospital administrator told the American TV network CNBC. 鈥淲e needed a better
method to solve the problem so we decided to call the year 2000 1992. We use it
to compute our patients鈥� data and so far everything seems to be working OK.鈥�
Just one little niggle occurs. What will they do when 2007 changes to 2008
鈥攚hich will be the Shin Kong hospital鈥檚 year 2000?
WE ARE gradually getting hardened to the flood of junk e-mail we receive each
week. But occasionally spam takes an unexpected form. Here鈥檚 one that arrived
the other day at our central London office:
鈥淲e would like you to take a moment to check out this great product to combat
mastitis in dairy cattle. Approximately 25 per cent of dairy farmers in
northwest Europe are already using this product as an alternative and/or
enhancement to antibiotics . . . If you are not a dairy farmer, it works great
on sore muscles too. Ask the Swedish National Ski Team.鈥�
IF YOU are studying the modelling of river flooding using hydrodynamic
models, you could be tempting fate by going on a hiking holiday in the Lake
District.
When reader Kate Marks took this risk, the Sun was shining and the forecast
merely mentioned scattered showers. So Marks and her partner left the car
in a riverside car park and headed for the hills. But that night, as they camped
out in wild terrain some 15 kilometres from the car, a tremendous storm broke,
threatening to rip the tent apart and blow them off the mountain.
Despite being experienced climbers, the pair decided to return to
civilisation as quickly as possible. Several flooded river crossings later, they
reached what had been the riverside car park, only to see Marks鈥檚 beloved
Peugeot 205 bobbing up and down in a metre of water.
It was later deemed to be an insurance write-off due to 鈥渟torm damage鈥�. Marks
says she is no longer so sure she wants to pursue a career in predictive flood
modelling.
OUR prize for the week鈥檚 most gratuitous Monica Lewinski reference goes to
the American Physical Society for one of its current 鈥渟ituations vacant鈥�
postings:
鈥淪ummer intern: the APS Washington office has an opening. We need a physics
major with great writing skills and a genius IQ, but we鈥檙e prepared to be
flexible on the IQ. E-mail a writing sample and brief resume to
opa@aps.org, and have two references send us an e-mail. Salary and travel
negotiable. Eight weeks. Other interns in Washington have become both rich and
蹿补尘辞耻蝉.鈥�
AND to continue our focus on idiosyncratic translation, reader Sean
Murray-Smith was intrigued by the way the instructions for a Chinese
鈥渕ultichopper鈥� he bought minces words as well as food.
For the food to be perfectly cut, the instructions say, it should be 鈥渒nocked
vigorously on the bud鈥�, adding that 鈥渢he most or less great number of knocks
determines the fineness of the cut鈥�. To clean the machine, we should 鈥減ull the
inferior bell and release the recipient superior鈥�. Finally, in case we are
worried, we are told that 鈥渁ll parts metallic are executed鈥�.
Perhaps it would be easier to call for a Chinese takeaway.
FINALLY, the instruction booklet of the Konica 110 Zoom Camera includes this
enigmatic message: 鈥淪afety Guide. This product is intended for photography.
Please do not use it for any other purpose other than photography.鈥�