WHILE out walking in the north of England, reader John Pealfield stopped off
to buy himself a tasty chicken and ham sandwich with mustard mayonnaise,
produced by Coach Cuisine of Carlisle. Here鈥檚 what it had in it: 鈥淲hite bread
roll: flour, water, yeast, vegetable fat, salt, emulsifiers (mono- and
di-glycerides of fatty acids, mono- and di-acetyltartaric acid esters of mono-
and di-glycerides of fatty acids, sodium stearoyl-2 lactate), soya flour,
preservative (calcium propionate), flour treatment agent (ascorbic acid). Cooked
chicken: chicken, water, modified starch, salt, milk protein, sodium
polyphosphates, lactose. Ham: pork, water, salt, dextrose, sodium
polyphosphates, antioxidant (sodium ascorbate), preservative (sodium nitrate).
Mayonnaise: vegetable oil, water, vinegar, egg yolk, modified starch, glucose
syrup, salt, mustard, stabilisers (guar gum, xanthan gum), preservative
(potassium sorbate), citric acid, colour (beta-carotene). Mustard Gold Blend
Spread: water, vegetable oil, butter, hydrogenated vegetable oil, caseinates,
stabiliser (sodium alginate), salt (1 per cent), emulsifier (E471), whey powder,
preservative (potassium sorbate), citric acid, flavourings, colour
(beta-carotene), lettuce, tomato, cucumber.鈥� Yummy!
PETER SALISBURY, another reader, recently received the invoice for some work
done on his central heating boiler. The amount seemed large until he read the
description of the work carried out, which included 鈥渇itting 28 mm check valve
on heating return pipework to stop gravity taking place鈥�.
Salisbury is thinking of contacting NASA to tell them about this remarkable
valve, which could surely come in useful in the conquest of space.
Advertisement
MAY we suggest that the mail order catalogue Lifeworks makes up its
mind about magnetism?
A recent issue of the catalogue sent out with Resurgence magazine
advertises 鈥淎ntiRAD 75 brain protection鈥� on page 1. This, we are told, provides
protection against the harmful effects of both the 鈥渆lectrical radiation鈥� and
the 鈥渕agnetic fields鈥� emitted by mobile phones.
Fair enough, you may think, though the final verdict on this issue has yet to
be pronounced. But what, then, are we to make of the advertisement on the next
page of the brochure which talks of 鈥渢he magic of magnets鈥�, and tells us there
is 鈥渙ne traditional therapy which is becoming ever more accepted, developed and
promoted by modern science鈥攖he use of magnetic fields to accelerate
healing and reduce aches and pains鈥�.
As the saying goes, you pays your money and you takes your choice.
WE ARE always touched by advertisements that don鈥檛 overstate the benefits of
the product they are hyping. So congratulations to the manufacturer of the
Persona contraceptive kit, which helps women find out when their 鈥渟afe period鈥�
is. A note at the bottom of the ad modestly points out: 鈥淭he risk of pregnancy
is greater than if you abstain from intercourse.鈥�
INTERNET retailers have lately been complaining that two-thirds or more of
potential shoppers on their websites abandon their electronic shopping trollies
before making a purchase. The numbers sounded high to Feedback, until an attempt
to buy some software online revealed why they might be right.
We checked out several websites, on the lookout for the best prices. In many
cases the actual figures were nowhere to be found鈥攗ntil in frustration we
clicked on 鈥渂uy this item鈥�.
Only then were the prices revealed鈥攁nd, surprise, surprise, they were
more than we wanted to spend. Is that why so many shoppers log off before they
buy anything?
WE SUGGEST that Cheshire solicitors Lucas & Co should hire more efficient
cleaners. A kind reader has sent us a copy of a letter from the firm which
concludes: 鈥淲e will keep you informed as developments occur and in the meantime
we will carry on in the usual manure鈥�
NO MATTER how thin they are, people suffering from anorexia nervosa are said
to believe they are too big. Now researchers have come up with the theory that a
similar mechanism is involved with some bodybuilders, except that they see
themselves as too small no matter how big they are.
According to the EXN online news bulletin, this condition is called muscle
dysmorphia, or 鈥渂igorexia鈥�. It leads to compulsive working out, even to the
point of injury. Researchers have recorded instances where weightlifting
bigorexics dislocate a shoulder, and still continue with their workout to fight
the negative feeling of being too small.
Eric Hollander of the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York says that
bigorexics may also take excessive amounts of protein supplements and steroids
to 鈥渂ulk up鈥�.
FINALLY, this week鈥檚 prize for ugly English goes to Gale Group publishers.
The glossy flyer touting one of Gale鈥檚 latest books tells us: 鈥淓ncyclopedia
of the Biosphere is ready to impact your library today.鈥�