WHY is a star like a telephone?
Until quite recently, stars and their constellations were given names, most
of them originally belonging to ancient gods or the protagonists of heroic
tales. But there are too many stars, too few mythic names. So we now catalogue
stars by their position in the sky. Forget name, think number.
But even this is getting to be a problem, as more and more stars are
discovered. It鈥檚 like a telephone exchange running out of numbers and having to
keep adding new digits to the dialling codes, as has happened in Britain three
times in the past 10 years. In the same way, astronomers are having to cobble
together ever longer and clumsier number strings to accommodate all the new
stars their telescopes identify.
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So forget Sirius, Betelgeuse and the Pole Star. From now on it鈥檒l be twinkle,
twinkle little TYC1740-2109-1.
Unless, that is, the astronomers adopt a simple solution. Why not use Earth鈥檚
ever-growing population as a resource for names? There must be enough people in
the world to lend a name, and perhaps a bit of an address if needed, to mop up
all those monikerless stars. Birth certificate and star certificate could be
signed at the same ceremony鈥攕omething jolly with a registrar, a priest (if
desired) and an astronomer in attendance, followed by champagne all round.
Would anybody mind giving their name to a star? We certainly wouldn鈥檛. In
fact we look forward to the day when we can look up to Orion and say: 鈥淪ee that
little star just to the left of the belt? That鈥檚 called Feedback.鈥�
HOW much of pharmacology is science and how much is just clever marketing? A
preponderance of the latter is suggested by the Web page entitled 鈥淒rug-free
pain鈥� at www.wellbeing.com/shop/product_list.jsp?classificationid=493. Why would
anyone want to take pain-inducing drugs, asks Fiona Copeland, who stumbled
across the page. 鈥淧ain is so easy to achieve鈥攕imply by stubbing your toe,
for example,鈥� she notes.
BACK in the oh-too-physical world, railway operator Connex helpfully posted a
notice at Sevenoaks station in Kent warning of building works at nearby
Tonbridge. 鈥淧lease,鈥� it requested its patrons, 鈥渁dhere to the fenced off areas.鈥�
Thank you, Connex. And for how long, wonders commuter Steve Plater, should one
adhere? Until all the vegetation underneath you dies, or until a train arrives
on time, whichever is the earlier? And should one bring glue specially?
HERE is an unusual videotape case, purchased recently by reader Stephen King.
Made by ALS Industries of Torrance, California, it looks like any old plastic
tape case. But according to the product information it has one very special
feature: 鈥淓ach storage case automatically becomes portable when carried鈥�.
AND talking of video tape cases, reader Claire Adams says that on the front
of one she hired from her local video store are the words: 鈥淭his tape is best
viewed at room temperature.鈥�
Adams says she is quite happy about this, since she had no intention of
watching the video in the fridge.
ADAMS鈥橲 HUSBAND, however, is less happy about the flashlight he recently
purchased. At the top of the packaging, in large letters, it says: 鈥淔loating
Headtorch.鈥� But at the bottom, in very small print, it says: 鈥淲ill not float
with alkaline batteries.鈥�
So be sure you change the batteries for some other kind before accidentally
dropping the headtorch into water.
A NEW drug called Sarafem is being advertised on American television. It鈥檚 to
help ease the distress of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), a severe form
of premenstrual syndrome. If you鈥檝e got an eye for generic names, you will
notice that this drug is none other than fluoxetine, better known as Prozac.
Why the change of name? Feedback can only assume that while women are willing
to take a psychoactive remedy for their premenstrual condition, they don鈥檛 want
to be associated with depressed people鈥攐r so the manufacturers believe,
doubtless after the requisite number of focus groups.
This isn鈥檛 the only example. For the past couple of years, nicotine addicts
have been singing the praises of the smoking cessation drug Zyban. What few of
them know (or want anyone else to know) is that they are using the drug
bupropion, known in the antidepressant world as Wellbutrin and used in
conjunction with Prozac to restore the sex drive that Prozac tends to
inhibit.
GlaxoSmithKline acknowledges that the name Zyban is to help the smoking
clientele feel distinct from Wellbutrin users鈥攊n other words, people who
are depressed. But in the past antidepressants have had no trouble finding new
uses without needing to be rechristened. Many tricyclic antidepressants, for
instance, have been recruited to treat migraine headaches. Prozac, when used to
treat obsessive compulsive disorder or even bulimia, is still Prozac. Why are
smokers and premenstrual women considered to be so touchy?
READER Lee Jones tells us of a recent purchase of some garden lights from an
Aldi supermarket. On the box it states that they are made of 鈥渞ust resistant
辫濒补蝉迟颈肠鈥�.
IN PETER Mabey鈥檚 local garden centre you can buy furniture labelled 鈥淣ova
Cast Aluminium: Lifetime Guarantee Against Rust鈥�. Next: washable steel,
guaranteed against shrinking?
AND FINALLY: do you ever feel totally lost in hypertext, afraid that your
researches may never end? Do you set out to confirm a reference to research in,
say, astrophysics and wonder ten minutes later why on earth you鈥檙e looking at
the online Journal of Psychosomatic Metallurgy? Reader Martin McCann
has found the ultimate answer. Bookmark www.shibumi.org/eoti.htm and your life
will be your own again.