THOSE who find themselves being shot at by the US military will no doubt be
consoled by the news that the bullets are environmentally friendly ones.
According to the Associated Press, the army鈥檚 latest multimillion-dollar project
is the development of 鈥済reen ammunition鈥�.
Made from tungsten composite rather than lead, the ammunition is intended to
reduce soil contamination caused by the millions of slugs fired by soldiers on
their practice ranges and in wars.
鈥淲e want to be good stewards of the environment,鈥� army spokeswoman Karen
Baker told AP.
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The military emphasises, however, that the green bullet is 鈥渏ust as deadly鈥�
as the old lead-based one.
THOSE COOL cats at The Lancet have taken to including music reviews
in their magazine. The 28 April issue takes a look at the latest CD from Matmos,
a left-field San Francisco duo comprising Drew Daniel and Martin Schmidt, who
are making a name for themselves working on Icelandic diva Bj枚rk鈥檚 new
album.
But this 鈥渁iry, beautiful and often very delicate鈥� CD, entitled A Chance
to Cut is a Chance to Cure, may possibly appeal more to medical
practitioners than to the rest of us. Mixed in with the music, The
Lancet tells us, are sounds recorded from operating theatres, including
鈥渢he actual sounds of surgery itself: the squelching slurps of liposuction; the
tiny microindustrial drones and glitches of corrective laser eye surgery; and on
the seventh and final track, 鈥楥alifornian rhinoplasty鈥�, the sounds of human
tissue being cauterised and nose bones being broken during plastic surgery鈥�.
Sounds charming, doesn鈥檛 it. If, for some reason, this appeals to you, the CD
is released by Matador (www.matadoreurope.com). The Lancet assures us
it will 鈥渂righten any room in which it is played鈥�.
SCOOT, the business information website, appears to be having a few teething
problems since its recent upgrade. Try searching for computer shops in the
London area, for example. It looks easy. Just type in 鈥渃omputer shop鈥� under the
鈥淲hat?鈥� heading on the search page and 鈥淟ondon鈥� under the 鈥淲here?鈥� heading.
This, however, is what we got: 鈥淪orry, we could not perform this search
because London is too big to look for Toy Shops.鈥�
Perhaps, we thought, narrowing the search down to central London would help?
Not so. 鈥淵ou searched for computer shop in central London,鈥� Scoot announced.
鈥淪coot has found Toy Shops with Products and Services: Computer Games in Central
London, London.鈥�
Reader Anthony Hegadus was so frustrated by this he thought he would find out
just how silly the search engine could be.
鈥淵ou searched for call girl in central London,鈥� came the response. 鈥淪coot has
found Onsite Maintenance & Repair of Office & Computing Equipment in
central London, London.鈥�
Helpful, isn鈥檛 it?
MORE about returning tax forms in the US. A reader who is a 鈥渘on-resident
alien鈥� there tells us that his tax form asks: 鈥淲ere you present in the United
States as a teacher, trainee, or student for any part of more than 5 calendar
测别补谤蝉?鈥�
Unable to work out what this meant, he asked an Internal Revenue Service
official for clarification. She said she didn鈥檛 know what it meant either, but
that the correct answer was 鈥渘o鈥�.
WHO SAYS computers are getting easier to use? Microsoft鈥檚 ever-helpful user
support site tells us that some unlucky users of Windows 2000 have been getting
the following disconcerting error message: 鈥淵our password must be at least 18770
characters and cannot repeat any of your previous 30689 passwords. Please type a
different password . . . 鈥�
Microsoft assures us that a software fix is available for the problem, though
the fix 鈥渕ay receive additional testing at a later time鈥�. Go to
http://support.microsoft.com/support/kb/articles/q276/3/04.ASP
if you want to know more.
MEANWHILE, another strange Windows 2000 bug is revealed at
http://support.microsoft.com/support/kb/articles/Q281/9/23.ASP,
which tells us: 鈥淚f a user group contains more than 500 users,
the hair colour of the 鈥榩erson鈥� icon for the group changes to grey.鈥�
The article goes on to say that this problem affects all the different kinds
of user groups, but does not affect a group鈥檚 performance鈥攁n anti-ageist
sentiment that we applaud.
FROM the department of superfluous precision comes this description of a
domestic generator advertised on the Machinery Supply Centre鈥檚 website: 鈥淪ize:
2000 Watts, 8.7 Amps. Weight: 30.7000007629395 kilograms.鈥�
COMMUTERS wishing to park their vehicles at Wakefield station before catching
their train have been surprised to read the notice placed by Great North Eastern
Railway on the car park ticket machine: 鈥淧lease note that due to damage to the
car park entry barriers there is currently no charge for parking. The situation
will remain until our contractors are able to supply all the replacement parts
and complete the work. Please accept our apologies for any inconvenience
肠补耻蝉别诲.鈥�
There is no truth in the rumour that GNER has received letters from angry
drivers complaining that it no longer costs them anything to park their car.
THE instructions for the Epson Stylus Color 880 InkJet printer begin with
this perplexing statement: 鈥淏efore plugging in the printer to the power supply,
make sure that it is turned off. It is off when the power light is off.鈥�
MEANWHILE, the troubleshooting page in the manual for Ian Sinclair鈥檚 Sony
Trinitron television has this to offer: 鈥淧roblem鈥擭o picture (screen is
dark), no sound. Solution鈥擯lug the TV in.鈥�
SAD NEWS for those who visit www.sci-fi.co.uk. the dr who t.a.r.d.i.s.
machine advertised there is only sold as a 鈥渘on-functioning collectable鈥�