YOU鈥橵E HEARD of skeletons in the cupboard. Well, at the British Museum they
are happy to flaunt their skeletons. They reserve the dark recesses of Cupboard
55 for the past鈥檚 more X-rated artefacts. In their book, Disgraceful
Archaeology, archaeologist Paul Bahn and cartoonist Bill Tidy set off on an
enlightening tour of the contents of Cupboard 55 and reveal the less respectable
face of archaeology.
In doing so they leave no taboo unturned. A colleague who attended the launch
at the museum whispers of vulvas, double penises, penile drinking cups and
Easter Island clitoral competitions. At tea parties thrown by the ancient
Peruvian Moche tribe, beverages were poured from vessels whose spouts
represented erect penises. But as Cupboard 55 goes, that鈥檚 tame. Moving up to
the top shelf, in the section that would certainly be outlawed today, the
cupboard鈥檚 visitors are treated to images of sordid practices involving llamas,
camels and goats.
The pair鈥檚 next book is rumoured to explore disgraceful archaeology in a
different sense, with details of butchered digs and dirty dealings in the
field.
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STAYING with camels, and in an effort to restore the good name of the ancient
ship of the desert, we present Richard Corfield鈥檚 helpful mnemonic for the
divisions of Phanerozoic time.
In his book Architects of Eternity, Corfield offers the following
sentence or sentences for remembering the 16 periods from the Cambrian through
to the Recent, in the correct order: Camels Ordinarily Sit Down Carefully
Perhaps Their Joints Creak Possibly Early Oiling May Prevent Permanent
Resting.
But perhaps we are digging ourselves, or the camels, in even deeper . . .
EVERY MONTH malevolent hackers release around a thousand new computer viruses
onto the Internet. Many then spread like wildfire by using Microsoft Outlook to
e-mail themselves to other addresses stored on the PC. Then they corrupt the
PC.
Anti-virus software protects, as long as it is updated at least once a week.
Not using Outlook for e-mail helps, too. But the trouble-makers have now come up
with a nasty new idea which does not rely on Outlook to spread itself, and
cannot be trapped by anti-virus software. Innocents are spoofed into damaging
their own PCs. Here鈥檚 how it works.
An official-looking e-mail arrives, warning of a new virus. The message
helpfully gives the virus file name, and simple instructions on how to find and
delete it. The e-mail also suggests the recipient pass the information on to
friends and business colleagues. Innocents find out only later that the file
they have deleted was a perfectly good part of the PC鈥檚 operating system.
No matter, savvy friends advise. You just go to the recycle bin, which
automatically makes a safety copy of deleted files, and restore it.
Unfortunately, the hackers have thought of that, too. The instructions in the
original e-mail also get the victim to delete the 鈥渙ffending鈥� file from the
recycle bin. So salvaging the situation is much more difficult.
The first spoofs have been relatively innocuous, involving files which do not
matter too much. But it is only a matter of time before PC owners are tricked
into completely wrecking their systems.
Just say no to any e-mails that tell you how to delete files.
WITH TURNOUT at the British general election plummeting to an 80-year low,
with only 60 per cent of the electorate bothering to vote, Microsoft decided to
poll visitors to its website on the pertinent question: 鈥淒o you think voter
apathy is ruining democracy?鈥�
Reader Alan Hay, who logged onto www.msn.co.uk on the day after the election,
was surprised to be offered the following choice of responses: Yes, No, Don鈥檛
Care. Anyone interested in the results of the poll can find them at . . . on
second thoughts, who cares?
FEEDBACK recently flew into London鈥檚 newest airport, Stansted, and took the
new high-speed rail link into London. The ticket machine on the station was a
high-tech system with a touch screen. Swipe a credit card, touch the destination
and out pops your ticket and a receipt.
Only the ticket that popped out was to the wrong destination and the receipt
was for the wrong amount鈥攖oo much, of course. The credit card was billed
incorrectly too. Thinking that the rail company, West Anglia Great Northern,
might be a little bothered about its faulty machine, Feedback sent copies of the
evidence to its head office in Cambridge.
Says WAGN: 鈥淒ue to the inordinate amount of correspondence recently received
in this office we are unable to reply to your complaint for 28 days.鈥� It鈥檚 just
an idea, but perhaps getting rid of the offending ticket machine might stem the
flood of complaints.
ANOTHER from the department of the blindingly obvious. Environment Canada鈥檚
website (go to www.weatheroffice.com/forecast/imagery.asp and click on any of
the radar images) has the following reassuring information about mountains
(Canadian ones, anyway): 鈥淭he colour of the radar return is related to the
strength of the reflection from the object which the beam strikes. For example .
. . heavy rain produces a stronger return than light rain and rain a stronger
return than snow. The return from a solid object, such as a mountain, will be
about 100 times stronger than that from precipitation, and will remain
蝉迟补迟颈辞苍补谤测.鈥�
FINALLY, Michael Craven was cleaning out his pet corn snake鈥檚 vivarium the
other day. He started preparing the bark chip substrate鈥攑roduced by
NatureBark鈥攆or use in the clean tank, when a list on the back of the
packet caught his eye. It was titled 鈥淪uitable for the following reptiles鈥�, and
went on to list various species of lizard and snake. But, as he read down, some
less well-known reptile species started to appear. These included 鈥渢ree frogs,
fire toads, millipedes and tarantulas鈥�.
PEOPLE who purchase Cosopt eye drops are given this helpful guidance on the
packet: 鈥淓yedrops solution for ocular use鈥�