WHAT IF we built a quantum computer and used it to run Stephen Wolfram鈥檚
cellular-automaton-like model of the Universe (25 August, p 44), asks reader
Timothy Grange. 鈥淭he entire multiverse could be simulated at a blinding pace . . .
we could interact with perfect simulations of whatever strange life has
evolved in other universes and our own . . . walk with the dinosaurs . . . and
spy on the future.鈥�
Well, maybe. Feedback鈥檚 experience of admittedly non-quantum computers
suggests that the simulation would regularly halt and demand more resources
鈥攁nd would probably go on doing so until we converted the entire Universe
into computer hardware. Perhaps, Stephen muses, the Universe is the simulation .
. . but no, it can鈥檛 be. If this were it we鈥檇 have seen the 鈥淏lue Screen of
Death鈥�, or an 鈥淥ops鈥� message, already.
ILLUSTRATED with a photograph of what is probably referred to in polite
circles as 鈥渁 person with a residency deficiency鈥� holding a $100 bill,
鈥淧aying human subjects in research鈥� is the featured article in the latest issue
of the American Journal of Bioethics. Or, as it entitles itself for the
benefit of bioethicists in a hurry, ajob.
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MEANWHILE, a colleague points Feedback to our favourite article title of the
month. Step forward V. Narry Kim, Naoyuki Kataoka and Gideon Dreyfuss, authors
of 鈥淩ole of the nonsense-mediated decay factor hUpf3 in the splicing-dependent
exon-exon junction complex鈥� (Science vol 293, p 1832).
Yes, probably. And we thought the 鈥渘onsense-mediated decay factor鈥� was what
happened to our memory after a late-night, er, thingy . . .
BULGARIAN software programmers are renowned the world round, declares the
Sofia Echo. What they are renowned for, we鈥檇 better not go
into鈥攖hough we recall a rumour that during the cold war an American
computer manufacturer included the words 鈥淒EC鈥攑irate only the best鈥� on its
processor chips, in minuscule Bulgarian.
What the Bulgarians are supposed to have done now is create 鈥渢he biggest Web
page in the world鈥�. According to the Echo, it would cover 9 million
square kilometres if printed out. So there鈥檚 probably great relief in the
forests of Finland that when Feedback鈥攚hich is obliged to print everything
referenced in the column to keep the lawyers happy鈥攖ried to visit
www.vainteractive.com/bulgaria/biggestpage we got, instead, the message
鈥淒ocument contains no data鈥�.
READERS OFTEN write in about the images conjured up by the message often seen
on doors in security-conscious buildings, 鈥淭his door is alarmed鈥�. The thought
that goes through their minds, they claim, is something like: Poor door, its
hair is standing on end and its eyes are wide with shock.
Obviously Feedback resists the temptation to put such thoughts down to
nonsense-mediated decay factor.
CHARLES STURT University in New South Wales is engaged in a number of
commercial enterprises in addition to its main business of educating people. One
such is a cheese factory. The university鈥檚 鈥淢ild Farmhouse Cheese with Forest
Berry鈥� can be purchased in Safeway stores around Australia. It features this
surprising information on the label:
鈥淔orest Berry is a eucalypt herb without the gumleaf aromatics. The cheese
was developed at SCU using milk from our own herd of Friesians. The result is a
well balanced cheese with flavour and fragrance close to a passionfruit/berry
combination. Suitable for vegetarians鈥攏o animal products used.鈥�
HERE鈥橲 ANOTHER example of overzealous censorware鈥攕oftware aimed at
protecting the innocent from undesirable material on the Net. MailMarshal, an
automated content monitoring gateway, blocked an e-mailed copy of the computer
security newsletter Crypto-Gram because 鈥�. . . it may contain
unacceptable language terms, or inappropriate material . . . MailMarshal Rule:
Inbound Messages: Block Unacceptable Language, Script Profanity Porn and Racism
Triggered, Expression: blow AND job Triggered . . .鈥�
Writing up the incident in the magazine, Crypto-Gram鈥檚 writer/editor
Bruce Schneier comments: 鈥淭hat鈥檚 right, MailMarshal blocked Crypto-Gram
because in one place I used the word 鈥榖low鈥� and then a couple of thousand words
later I used the word 鈥榡ob鈥�. And the sad thing is that the very same e-mail
filter will block this issue of Crypto-Gram for the very same reason,
and the recipient will never know.鈥�
E-MAIL SPAM is, of course, unsolicited and unwelcome mailbox-filling trash.
That the name was inspired by a Monty Python TV sketch says something
about the appreciation of English humour among the still overwhelmingly American
online community.
And you can probably deduce something else about sense of humour from a press
release issued by the Cato Institute. That鈥檚 the Washington-based think tank
described by Feedback鈥檚 more moderate colleagues as 鈥渃ontrarian鈥� and by the
resident libertarian-socialist as 鈥渞ight-of-sensible鈥�.
鈥淣ot all 鈥楽PAM鈥� is bad,鈥� it declares. Quite unsurprisingly, it prescribes a
鈥渕arket-based solution鈥� rather than government regulation, though it entirely
fails to explain how solutions like allowing spam only to people who have
鈥渨hitelisted鈥� the sender would work without regulation.
And, you may ask, did the colleague who received these words of would-be
wisdom solicit them, and did he welcome them? Did he heck.
AT PRECISELY the moment Feedback finished that last sentence, spam arrived
promoting patent anti-addiction treatments with the deathless recommendation:
鈥淒r Kenneth Blum is the Father of Psychiatric genetics.鈥�
This new discipline would give a whole new meaning to the concept of
analysing the genome. Bring me your neurotic nucleotides . . .