THE CD system is now 20 years old, so most of the patents owned by its
inventor, Philips, have run out. That鈥檚 why the record companies now feel free
to release what have become known as 鈥渄ysfunctional鈥� copy-protected CDs. As well
as preventing you making copies of tracks you thought you owned, these discs
have the unhappy knack of not playing properly, if at all, on some players.
Philips still controls the 鈥淐D鈥� trademark, and has talked vaguely about
banning its use on dysfunctional discs. But if push comes to shove, the record
companies can simply leave the name off, on the not unreasonable assumption that
we all know what a CD looks like without needing to be told.
By chance, Feedback spotted a proud announcement made recently by the
quaintly named British Phonographic Industry, the trade body for the record
companies. 鈥淪ales upturn lifts UK market to new high,鈥� it proclaims. 鈥淭otal
revenue grew by an impressive 5.3 per cent over the year. . . As has been the
pattern for the last couple of years, the growth was attributable to buoyant CD
album sales.鈥�
Advertisement
But if sales are soaring, as the industry boasts, why the need for copy
protection and the attendant dysfunctional CDs? The justification for this has
always been the industry鈥檚 claims, amid much handwringing, that people aren鈥檛
buying their own discs any more but copying their friends鈥� instead.
THE BBC recently had an item on its TV breakfast show about a research
project that focuses on the black hole at the centre of the Galaxy. Reader Bill
Richmond reports that the presenter introduced the coverage by saying the
project would 鈥渢hrow more light鈥� on the black hole.
鈥淪o it鈥檚 not a particularly illuminating project,鈥� Richmond observes.
READERS have gleefully reported that Microsoft鈥檚 online help service has been
hacked. Sure enough, when we went to
,
it was plain to see.
What looked like an ordinary page of information on how to solve a Windows
problem was actually a colourful rant on 鈥淩TFM鈥�, the phrase used by angry
support staff who spend all day answering questions from people who could not be
bothered to Read The Frigging Manual.
鈥淭he information in this article applies to general lamers,鈥� it begins.
鈥淧rerequisites: the ability to read, basic brain function. . . Please provide
some more information we can ignore. . . For additional information, please see
the following articles in the Microsoft Knowledge Base: Q166392 HOWTO: Read.鈥�
And so on, all in similarly insulting vein.
The giveaway is that although the Microsoft logos looked genuine, the links
to other Microsoft pages did not work. This is because the page was not part of
the Microsoft site. Someone else had posted it and the long address concealed a
different Web address. If you keyed in the part after the innocent looking 鈥淍鈥�
(hardware.no/nyheter/feb01/Q209354%20-%20HOWTO.htm)
you got the same page. All good clean fun at the expense of Bill Gates,
and we freely admit we were initially suckered.
It seems, however, that Microsoft did not see the joke. Anyone trying to
access the spoof now gets the message 鈥淭his page has been removed after request
from Microsoft鈥�. But all is not lost. Feedback can reveal that an almost
identical page is still lurking on the Web at
www.altgeek.org/methuselah/rtfm.
Catch it while you can.
SOMEONE at a website called Global Museum ()
ought to be working for the tabloids. Headlines there in recent weeks include 鈥淎rk relic
found in cupboard鈥�, 鈥淭ussaud cover-up鈥�, 鈥淧lucky entrepreneur plans chicken
museum鈥�, 鈥淟one smart alec ruins recreational vehicle hall of fame for serious
visitors鈥�, 鈥淐hildren, birds, churches (and the odd flea)鈥�, 鈥淰an Gogh? Matisse?
Not in my back yard!鈥� and the frightening 鈥淎rmed Forces Museum offers realistic
reminders of battle鈥�.
As with a lot of the best headlines, it鈥檚 probably more fun to invent the
story they refer to than read it. What, for example, would you expect to attract
hordes of the general public to a chicken museum? And what does the Armed Forces
Museum plan to do to its visitors? Strafe them?
On the other hand, the real story can sometimes beat the imagination. The
Tussaud 鈥渃over-up鈥� turns out to be a pair of underpants for the waxwork model of
Samuel L. Jackson in his kilt. Bet you never guessed that.
THE DAYS of complaining about bad weather and leaving it to the gods to
control may be over. First we have The New York Times offering to
鈥減ersonalize your weather鈥�, as we reported here on 16 February. Now we have the
Meteorological Office鈥檚 Edinburgh division advertising online for 鈥淐limate
Quality Controllers鈥�.
West Lothian reader Jim Bartholomew, who found this, says: 鈥淚t鈥檚 just the
sort of thing we need up here in the middle of a dreich winter. Quality has
clearly been allowed to slip lately. I hope they get someone who is able to
improve it in time for summer.鈥�
WHEN the smart tag feature on the XP version of Microsoft Word spots a
reference to 鈥淪t Peter鈥�, it helpfully offers to arrange an appointment with
him
SEEN outside the entrance to the American Association for the Advancement of
Science conference in Boston last week: a man dressed in a suit, with posters on
his front and back saying he was a chemical engineer with 15 years鈥� experience,
handing out his CV to delegates and passers-by.
FINALLY, can any reader who was listening to BBC Radio 4 at the end of
January tell us which female British politician came out with this startling use
of clich茅: 鈥淏ut, at the end of the day, in the morning we shall鈥︹��
Reader Don Leech swears he heard this, but he can鈥檛 remember the exact date
of the programme or who the politician was.