FOLLOWING the āAntidisclaimerā we published on 23 February, reader Nadine McCarthy has sent us another ā and this time we were able to track down its creator, David Taylor of Mount Lawley, Western Australia. Itās too long to give in full, but hereās a taster.
āImportant: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs.
āIf you are not the intended recipient, then social etiquette demands that you fully appropriate the message without trace of the former sender and triumphantly claim it as your own. Leaving a former senderās signature on a āforwardedā email is very bad form and, while being only a technical breach of the Olympic ideal, does in fact constitute an irritating social faux pas.
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āFurther, sending this email to a colleague does not appear to breach the provisions of the Copyright Amendment (Digital Agenda) Act 2000 of the Commonwealth, because chances are none of the thoughts contained in this email are in any sense originalā¦
āFinally, if you have received this email in error, shred it immediately, then add it to some nutmeg, egg whites and caster sugar. Whisk until stiff peaks form, then place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Remove promptly and let it stand for 2 hours before adding the decorative kiwi fruit and cream. Then notify me immediately by return email and eat the original message.ā
A BRAND NEW hazard threatens to destroy our environment and life as we know it. And the warning comes not from wild-haired eco-worriers, but from Reuters ā purveyor of news to the well-coiffed financier. In a 5 June dispatch on subsidies for Britainās coal mining industry, the agency observes that āCoal and oil emit the greenhouse gas carbon dioxine when being burnt.ā This generic nasty obviously combines the worst of both the toxic and climate impacts of the continued burning of fossil fuels, and as observant reader Darryl Luscombe notes: āI wonder if it also affects the ozone layer?ā
CARS that burn hydrogen instead of petrol are environmentally friendly because they produce water instead of conventional exhaust. And now Feedback can reveal exactly how green they are. In Los Angeles recently, the German carmaker BMW presented the US comedian and chat show host Jay Leno, with a glass of water that was produced from the exhaust of its fleet of hydrogen powered vehicles. Leno took a couple of nervous gulps of the water and, having survived the experience, turned to his audience: āIāll tell you what, itās better than LA tap water.ā
Feedback was impressed. What greater environmental accolade can there be?
THIS wry observation was sent to a colleague by a friend, who got it from a friend, who ā¦ ā(A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans (E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. Itās speaking English that kills you.ā
SILLY THEORY of the week comes in a press release from Sydney. āThe invention of the headband by ancient humans during the last Ice Ageā, it tells us, āwas a likely product of birth trauma. This is the view drawn from a new type of psychology, called superpsychology, which involves the study of human history using findings from modern therapy.
āāAdvances in therapy ā especially the ability to re-experience and resolve past traumas, including birth ā are shedding new light on our speciesā troubled history,ā said Raymond Lane, the originator of superpsychology. āSome of the painful birth memories re-experienced in therapy include being pulled in different directions (by contractions); being choked (by the umbilical cord around the neck); being suffocated (as the head passes through the birth canal); or a sensation of a tight ring around the head (due to the constricting vaginal muscle at crowning). It is the latter sensation that appears to be the impetus for ancient humansā invention of the headband. The headband of teeth or shells would have acted to mask this persistent constricting sensation, while simultaneously projecting a tough or regal image as an unconscious defence against feeling the irritation.'ā
Feedback can do better than that, without expensive therapy. Dark anonymous business suits are obviously caused by even more advanced regression, to pre-conception āmemoriesā. Or, for real regression one-up-personship, pre-big bang.
Useful warning from the makers of a Bionaire fan heater: āAttention: this heater is hot when in useā. Thank you.