FEEDBACK HAS recently been watching snooker and soccer on TV, all in the interests of science, of course. The excuse is that there is no better way to check the state of play on voice recognition technology.
TV stations use voice recognition to subtitle live sports programmes for people who are deaf or hearing-impaired. The BBC has installed a system called ViaVoice from IBM, and during a recent snooker tournament it tried the brave experiment of directly displaying what the computer made of the commentators鈥� words. The result was hilarious nonsense, sometimes accidentally obscene. So the BBC has modified the system for the World Cup. Ahead of the games, trained staff teach the computer the names of the players and key phrases. Then, during the match, the computers 鈥渞e-speak鈥� whatever the commentators are saying.
Even with the re-speak trick, however, the subtitles can still be relied on to liven up a dull match. A Chinese player called Chen Yang came up as 鈥渨ere genuine鈥� and 鈥渨ould showing鈥�, with game tactics described as 鈥渁 little blurred to the phase鈥� and 鈥渕y yard that will stop鈥�. 鈥淐ertainly signed鈥� translated to 鈥渟omething late maligned up鈥� and who knows what original words morphed into 鈥渄read crabs curling up the tower鈥�?
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All credit to the broadcasters for doing their best under trying conditions, and those who cannot hear the sound are presumably grateful. But the next time someone tells you voice recognition is a mature technology, just sit them down to watch subtitles on live sports TV. Meanwhile, football-haters forced by partners or circumstances to watch the World Cup can always try switching on the subtitles to relieve the boredom.
A COLLEAGUE of Feedback鈥檚 recently had cause to visit London鈥檚 University College Hospital with a broken fibula. She was amused, despite her pain, to read on the wall: 鈥淭he Fracture Clinic is not a walk-in clinic鈥�.
GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE isn鈥檛 all bad鈥攁t least, not for everyone all the time. The Glacier Dynamics Group at Ohio State University is a shining example of open-mindedness about this.
Visit them at www-bprc.mps.ohio-state.edu/GDG/gdgfront.htm and see their page illustrated with a graphic of a submerged Statue of Liberty, reminiscent of the wonderful closing scene of the original Planet of the Apes. Click on the 鈥淎bout this graphic鈥� link, and read: 鈥淢elting of polar ice sheets would raise global sea level and make statues more accessible.鈥�
NOT EVEN hardcore dieters would go for this, surely? Advertising its unnamed product in The Mail on Sunday on 9 June, a company called Slimmer Society offers a 鈥�100 per cent weight loss guarantee鈥�.
What does the product do? Vaporise the people who use it?
But don鈥檛 worry. With cheerful disregard for logic, the ad goes on: 鈥淚f you鈥檙e not 100 per cent satisfied with the results and the ease of taking it鈥濃�攑erhaps because there鈥檚 still 5 per cent of you left鈥斺�漵imply return the unused [sic] product for a no-quibble, no-fuss immediate refund.鈥�
MISREMEMBER or mistype the name of a popular but innocuous website, and you can find yourself somewhere entirely different. Often it鈥檚 somewhere not nearly as innocuous, because pornographers have taken to picking up popular typos for their Web addresses.
Other times it鈥檚 just, well, ever so slightly different. Boston politicians who are trying to lure the Democratic Party to have its 2004 presidential nominating convention in their city have opened a website at . But try and you will find something completely different鈥攖he website for the 62nd World Science Fiction Convention, whose guests of honour include Terry Pratchett. That one sounds like much more fun.
THE TROUBLE with instruction manuals is that they can be so large and heavy鈥攕o much so that the University of Sydney offers a course for staff entitled A Supervisor鈥檚 Guide to Safe Manual Handling.
Here鈥檚 the course description: 鈥淣ew South Wales Occupational Health and Safety legislation requires supervisors to identify, assess and control workplace hazards. One of these hazards is the risk of injury caused by manual handling activity. Find out how injuries occur, how they can be prevented, what your risk management responsibilities are and when to apply the University鈥檚 risk management procedures.鈥�
Or could there be some ambiguity about what they鈥檙e referring to here?
THE COPY of Energise that arrived with reader Shane Voss鈥檚 bill from his electricity supplier npower told him: 鈥淲e鈥檙e the biggest supplier of electricity by volume.鈥� But they didn鈥檛 say what the conversion factor between kilowatt-hours and cubic metres is 鈥�
WHY DO plants matter? English Nature鈥檚 website has a botany page that lists all the reasons, pointing out that they 鈥減rovide food for many different species including human beings, provide homes for many species, provide materials for people to use worldwide鈥�, and so on. But it鈥檚 the last reason on the list that gives the game away. Plants, English Nature reminds us, 鈥渒eep botanists in work鈥�.
WE WONDER who was the lucky person who bought the 鈥渉istoric 1896 brick church building鈥�, located at Fort Plain, New York state, up for sale on ebay (item 172804391). Whoever they were, we hope they don鈥檛 live outside the US. If they do, they鈥檒l have to arrange to have the church delivered themselves. Under 鈥渟hipping鈥�, the page explains: 鈥淲ill ship to United States only.鈥�
FINALLY, a recent issue of the I Want One of Those catalogue features an advertisement for a 鈥渙ne-wheeled unicycle鈥�. Presumably the next thing they鈥檒l be selling will be a two-wheeled bicycle, followed, perhaps, by a three-wheeled tricycle.