杏吧原创

SOME medical terms can be awfully hard to pronounce 鈥� especially if you鈥檙e Tommy Thompson, the US Secretary of Health and Human Services.

According to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Thompson was speaking at the Wisconsin State Fair last week. 鈥淲e haven鈥檛 had any attacks as of anybody receiving West Nile virus or encephalopoulus,鈥� he informed his bemused audience. (What he meant to say was West Nile encephalitis.)

Apparently this wasn鈥檛 the first time Thompson has got his tongue twisted by medical terminology. Previous gaffes include a speech in which he conflated neutrons with neurons and called haematopoietic (blood-generating) stem cells 鈥渢hose pathetic stem cells鈥�.

POOR Homer Simpson. It seems the legal eagles at his Fox studios home, part of the mighty 20th Century Fox empire, have swooped on him.

To help sell a new The Simpsons DVD, the studio鈥檚 website () features a smart-alec question-and-answer session on the discs. 鈥淲hat does Regional Coding mean?鈥� was one question, to which Homer cracked, 鈥淚 have no idea whatsoever 鈥� but it is essential that you buy a multi-regional player. Do it now.鈥�

This was a very clear answer and valuable advice. Regional coding is the hugely unpopular system designed to stop people in Europe and Australia playing DVD movie discs from the US. It lets the Hollywood studios save money on cinema film prints by releasing movies to cinemas in North America first, and then reusing the prints later round the rest of the world. To maintain box-office profits outside North America, video and DVD releases must also be staggered.

A multi-regional player defeats regional coding, playing anything from anywhere. Although many suppliers sell them, the studios don鈥檛 like it.

So Homer was biting the hand that keeps him in doughnuts. Regional coding only exists because the Hollywood studios, including Fox, insist on it. Surprise, surprise, Homer鈥檚 useful answer has now been edited down to a useless 鈥淚 have no idea whatsoever 鈥� if you find out let me know.鈥�

We just have, Homer. But somehow we doubt you will be allowed to use it.

OUR STORY about Kim Daewoo Dogmeat, the 鈥淲orld Cup dogmeat supplier鈥�, prompted Liz Sheasby to tell us about an email she had received. It asked her to sign a petition protesting against the practice of kitten bonsai. She decided to check it out before signing and went to , a site 鈥渄edicated to preserving the long-lost art of body modification in house pets鈥�, which supposedly involves stuffing newborn pets into glass jars.

Greeted by statements like 鈥測ou no longer need to be satisfied with a household pet having the same mundane shape as all the other members of its species鈥�, Sheasby quickly realised that Bonsai Kitten, like Kim Daewoo Dogmeat, is a hoax.

Even so, it has upset a lot of people in the two years since its creation. A Google search reveals over 6000 Web pages concerned with the site, most of them trying to get it shut down. And Bonsai Kitten 鈥� set up as a prank by students at MIT 鈥� is the subject of an investigation by the FBI.

READER Steph Earp tells us that she was recently in a garden centre at Stapely Water Gardens near Nantwich in north-west England. She was tempted to buy some rocks intended for use in a water feature. Above them was a notice saying: 鈥淧lease do not pick up the stones, they are very heavy.鈥� Below this was the information: 鈥淧rices on base鈥�.

THIS WEEK鈥橲 technobabble award goes to the advertisement for Oakley sunglasses spotted in a brochure by reader David Simmons: 鈥淥ur full-size XX^TM wraps your vision with the precision of XYZ Optics鈩� while using Unobtanium鈩� to improve grip with perspiration. The condensed geometry of Fives鈩� utilizes durable, light-weight O Matter鈩� to bring the distortion-free clarity of XYZ Optics鈩� to smaller faces 鈥� The logically offset geometry of Straight Jacket鈩� opens the vista of peripheral vision by wrapping and raking O Matter鈩� round the skull 鈥� It takes 200 tons of force and high-energy micro-plasmic oxidation to sculpt eyewear with ultra-lightweight magnesium alloy 鈥︹�� And so on for six pages.

Does this sort of gumph really encourage people to buy the sunglasses? Not us it doesn鈥檛.

A PRESS release from Staffordshire University entitled 鈥淢ums going for gold鈥� had this to say earlier this month: 鈥淲ith mother-of-two Sonia O鈥橲ullivan due to compete in the European Athletic Championships 鈥� Professor Ellis Cashmore from Staffordshire University says evidence reveals an ambiguous link with motherhood and improved sports performance.鈥�

Perhaps the university could send out a second press release explaining what 鈥渁mbiguous link鈥� means.

FROM the instruction manual for reader Alistair Anderson鈥檚 1993 Volkswagen Golf Diesel: 鈥淚f, at temperatures below -25 掳C the fuel is waxed [solidified] to such an extent that the engine will not start, it is sufficient to place the vehicle in a warm room for a while.鈥�

FINALLY, another statement of the blindingly obvious. Superfast Ferries, a newcomer on the North Sea ferry market, have on their website the following useful information: 鈥淭he duration of the voyage depends on the distance to be travelled and the ship鈥檚 speed.鈥�