THANKS to what the US Department of Defense calls 鈥渁dvancements in digital audio technology鈥�, America鈥檚 military funerals will soon sound much better. Aficionados of Westerns should recognise the plaintive strains of Taps, the bugle call played at sunset on army posts, and at military funerals as well. But the armed forces don鈥檛 have enough real buglers to cover the thousands of veterans鈥� funerals each year, and playing a recording of Taps on a portable stereo is felt to lack dignity. So the DoD has collaborated with industry to create a 鈥渃eremonial bugle鈥�.
All a soldier in the honour guard has to do is push a button and hold the bugle to his or her lips, and a splendid rendition of Taps (recorded live at Arlington National Cemetery on Memorial Day, 1999) will issue forth.
The DoD, which is now testing 50 of the digital bugles, says that as well as superior sound, they will offer the 鈥渄ignified visual鈥� of a real person holding what looks like a real instrument to their lips 鈥� even if they can鈥檛 play a note without electronic assistance.
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PITY those poor telesales staff. A study led by Katherine Jones of the University of Nebraska has found that they are twice as likely to suffer from one or more symptoms of 鈥渧ocal attrition鈥� compared with controls. It can get so bad that voice problems combined with 鈥渙ccupational vocal load鈥� can lower their productivity.
Feedback鈥檚 heart goes out to them, but we are left wondering how this research was conducted. Was it done by cold-calling the respondents? And what happened when they were in the middle of dinner or had to get out of the bath to answer the phone?
OH DEAR, the London Science Museum has done it again. Each year before Christmas the museum sends out its shop catalogue, and all too often it contains at least one howling error. This year is no exception. Page 26 contains a panel headlined 鈥淪plash out鈥�. Below are the words: 鈥淚t鈥檚 a fact 鈥� If you collect 10 billion clouds from the sky they would contain just one teaspoon of water.鈥�
So where does all the rain Britain is getting at the moment come from?
MEANWHILE, several readers have alerted us to the Winter 2002 issue of the Innovations catalogue 鈥� that delightful publication that is occasionally inserted into many British papers, New 杏吧原创 included 鈥� which features a device called the Monoclock.
鈥淵ou can鈥檛 see it, smell it or taste it. This is why carbon monoxide is so deadly,鈥� the blurb warns us. 鈥淏ut with the Monoclock beside the bed, your family will enjoy protection through the night. It contains an ultra-sensitive CO2 detector that instantly alerts you if the gas is present鈥︹��
In other words, it lets you know that you are still breathing. But what about detecting carbon monoxide?
AND another reminder about the Feedback Christmas competition. This year鈥檚 theme is evolution. You are invited to pick a human behaviour or trait and provide your own explanation for why it exists.
For example: Why do men get hairier as they get older?
Answer: It鈥檚 all to do with hunting. Men, as we know, evolved to chase down woolly mammoths 鈥� that鈥檚 why they are athletic and good at throwing spears. But as they aged, their physical prowess waned and they needed other adaptations to keep up with the boys. A liberal covering of hair acted as rudimentary camouflage, allowing them to get close to their prey without arousing the suspicion of the short-sighted mammoths, who saw them as kin. The fact that men鈥檚 ears and noses also continue to grow into old age adds weight to the theory.
You may submit up to two entries per person by letter, fax or email. Thanks to the generosity of its makers, 10 lucky winners will each receive a bottle of Famous Grouse whisky and, thanks to Time Warner Books, they will also receive a copy of Steve Jones鈥檚 acclaimed new book Y: The Descent of Man (reviewed 16 November, p 45).
The winning entries will be chosen on the basis of their wit and originality. All entries must reach us by Monday 2 December. The winners will be announced in the 21/28 December issue. The Editor鈥檚 decision is final.
CALPOL Sugar Free Infant Suspension for lowering temperature is 鈥渟pecially suitable for children under 6 years old鈥�. Reader Alison Gardner bought some recently for her two-year-old daughter when she was ill. She says her daughter was naturally very relieved to be told on the box containing the medicine: 鈥淵ou can use Calpol Sugar Free Infant Suspension while you are taking oral contraceptives鈥︹��
WHAT has Remington got against Australians? The instructions that come with the Remington Performance hairdryer include this strange exemption in the 鈥淪afety Cautions鈥� section: 鈥淲arning 鈥� this appliance must not be taken into a bathroom (not applicable in Australia).鈥�
FINALLY, we liked this from the website promoting 鈥淚nternational Atheists Meetup Day鈥� (). The question 鈥淲hat?鈥� is answered: 鈥淢eet up with other local atheists to talk about your beliefs.鈥�
But surely鈥�?
The door to the outdoor plants section of a home-improvements superstore on England鈥檚 South Coast announces: 鈥淐aution 鈥� automatic doors. Customers should use push-button to operate automatic doors鈥�