THE JARGON of quackery never ceases to amaze. A correspondent received this email: 鈥淣ew amazing anti-aging water鈥t contains all 34 mineral waveforms in their correct non-metallic states as needed by the body to repair and sustain itself. It鈥檚 a miracle water and has produced miracle results.鈥�
So far, so much rubbish of the kind we鈥檙e all too familiar with. But then it slides into an entirely new (to us) vocabulary of hucksterism: 鈥淭his will be huge. Pre-launch starting next week. Non-flushing binary comp plan up front. Unilevel plan on autoships. Limited Founder positions still available. As a Founder, you will be grandfathered into mid-level position in unilevel and placed 2 personal signups underneath you to qualify you for binary commissions.鈥�
On reflection, we鈥檙e not sure we want to know what any of that means. But we suppose it makes sense to assume that people who want to believe in the existence of 鈥�34 mineral waveforms鈥� would be perfect targets for what, underneath the ridiculous verbiage, is obviously just another dodgy pyramid-selling scheme.
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DESPITE the fact that George W. Bush backed out of the Kyoto Treaty to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, the US Department of Energy has reported that US emissions dropped 1.2 per cent in the first year of his presidency. It is the first time that emissions have declined since 1991, when Bush鈥檚 father was president.
A cynic might first suspect that the younger Bush achieved the reductions by putting the Arthur Andersen accounting firm in charge of the bookkeeping, but a closer look at the report reveals he did not yield to that temptation.
Emissions dropped in 2001 because the US economy crashed 鈥� just as it did in 1991 under his father. Somehow we suspect that George W. is not eager to take the credit for this particular contribution to controlling global warming.
DO YOU suffer from nuisance pop-up windows when surfing the Internet? Reader Stephen Little does 鈥� and it is especially infuriating when they tell him that his PC is vulnerable to attack by nuisance pop-up windows. When he investigated the site that was generating them, he found a Web page advertising Messenger Blocker, which it claimed 鈥渃an block these unwanted and illegal pop-up messages forever with the click of a button鈥�.
Cheeky, or what?
But no worse than the spam offering anti-spam software received by a Feedback colleague in the US. The opening sentence of eMail Inspector鈥檚 鈥淓nd spam forever鈥� message states: 鈥淚f you received this letter it is because your email address is being sold with tens of millions of other email addresses for the purpose of spamming.鈥�
Now what kind of company would stoop so low as to buy those lists of email addresses, we wonder? One that wants to send out a spam advertising anti-spam software, perhaps?
THE BRITISH satirical magazine Private Eye features a fictional journalist named Lunchtime O鈥橞ooze. We wonder how many of his real-life colleagues were pleased to receive the press invitation that landed in our in-tray recently:
鈥淛oin us in Exeter at the launch of EGenis, the new Economic and Social Research Council鈥檚 Centre for Genomics in Society, where you will be invited to take the genetic test for alcohol tolerance, and discuss what the future could be like as individual genetic testing becomes increasingly common鈥︹��
A COLLEAGUE who visited the Eden Project near St Austell in Cornwall was impressed not only by the vast 鈥渂iomes鈥� and their horticultural contents but also by the care that has gone into the design of some the exhibits.
As a chemist, he was particularly intrigued by the SPINDIGO exhibit, presented with help from researchers at the University of Reading. SPINDIGO is an attempt to find a sustainable way to supply the textile industry 鈥� and particularly manufacturers of blue jeans 鈥� with indigo dye made from natural renewable resources rather than synthetic chemicals.
The exhibit details how all kinds of natural substances have been used to release the blue colouring from woad and other plant sources that contain the dye. The seemingly endless list includes dates, grapes, yeast, molasses, figs, papaya and green bananas. But our colleague began to wish he hadn鈥檛 just visited the Eden Project鈥檚 restaurant when he got further down the list. Rotten meat and urine have also been used to extract the blue dye, and so, most off-putting off all, have dog turds.
We wonder how many people with trendy shrink-to-fit jeans are aware of the history of the blue they鈥檙e wearing.
FINALLY, reader Suzy Connor says she always gets slightly worried by bank ATMs offering 鈥淐ash Withdrawal With Advice鈥�. She fears that one of these days she鈥檒l get a printout that reads: 鈥淭hat hairstyle really puts years on you. Have you considered seeing a colourist?鈥�
One from the department of 鈥榟elpful鈥� advice. On the bottom of a box of Celebrations chocolates is clearly inscribed: 鈥淒o not read whilst box is open鈥�