杏吧原创

FORGET oil and weapons of mass destruction 鈥� at least as we know them. The war in Iraq was fought over technology salvaged from a crashed alien spaceship. That鈥檚 the whisper doing the rounds in UFO-watching circles, as reported by New Zealand website Stuff ().

According to this theory, a UFO crashed in Iraq in 1998. Saddam, shrewdly guessing the potential of the technology carried on board, had it whisked away before United Nations weapons inspectors could find it, so that his men could take it apart and learn how to make spaceships and sophisticated new weapons.

One UFO watcher, known only as Bre, claims that even President Bush doesn鈥檛 have high enough security clearance to have been informed about 鈥渞everse engineering alien technology鈥�. But his father, a former head of the Central Intelligence Agency, would have passed it on to him, reveals Bre. And now Feedback is passing it on to you.

THE Procurator Fiscal Service, whose job it is to initiate criminal prosecutions in the Scottish courts, is advertising in Glasgow鈥檚 The Herald for 鈥減recognition officers鈥�.

Those who have seen the Steven Spielberg film Minority Report will be wondering if the PFS is hoping to recruit strange-looking people to float in a swimming pool all day, occasionally dispatching the cops to nick people just on the point of committing a crime.

Sadly, reader Ian Kerr has worked out that what the PFS really wants is people who will merely check the evidence in a case for prosecutors before it goes to trial. Kerr adds that in any case he has yet to meet any of the stalwart constables of Strathclyde Police who bear a strong resemblance to Tom Cruise.

THE long, cold winter and the economic downturn were too tough for Red Herring, and the technology business magazine shut its doors at the end of February. Yet you鈥檇 never know if it you do your reading online. A month after its demise, the magazine鈥檚 website at still didn鈥檛 admit it had stopped publication.

The only hint of unkind fate is an editorial 鈥渇or what was going to be our 10th year anniversary issue鈥�. Yet the editorial itself doesn鈥檛 say 鈥済oodbye鈥�. Instead, it says optimistically 鈥� albeit inaccurately 鈥� 鈥渨e are hanging in there鈥�My prediction is that our most interesting editorial years are still ahead.鈥� As if to verify that claim, the website still lists job openings and has ads posted.

A puzzled Feedback headed to Google for news. Sure enough, there were the sites proclaiming that Red Herring was another casualty of the technology crash. Yet Google also offered four links to companies selling subscriptions to the dead magazine. Red Herring is dead. Long live Red Herring.

WE HOPE the twin Mars Exploration Rovers, scheduled to land on the Red Planet early in 2004, won鈥檛 share the fate of 1999鈥檚 Mars Climate Orbiter, which suicidally plunged into the thin Martian atmosphere because one NASA team was using metric units while another was working in imperial. But we鈥檙e not going to hold our breath.

We read on the Space.com website that the robotic landers will be capable of travelling 300 feet 鈥� or, according to the helpful metric conversion, 100 kilometres 鈥� on each of their 90 days on Mars. Let鈥檚 hope Space.com didn鈥檛 get its figures from NASA.

BRITAIN鈥橲 taxpayers have recently been getting tax return papers through the post that encourage electronic filing. Here鈥檚 part of what they say:

鈥淧lease make sure your tax return, and any documents I ask for, reach me by the later of (sic) September 30 2003 and 2 months after the date this notice was given if you want me to calculate your tax, or the later of (sic) 31 January 2004 and three months after the date this notice was given, at the latest, or you will be liable to an automatic penalty of 拢100.鈥�

What penalty, we wonder, should the taxman pay for writing gibberish?

ACCORDING to the American Heart Association website, 鈥�12,900,000 victims of angina (chest pain due to coronary heart disease), heart attack and other forms of coronary heart disease are still living (6,200,000 males and 6,400,000 females).鈥� Reader Thomas Haynes wonders what sex the other 300,000 people are.

FINALLY, all possible outcomes are catered for on the appointment cards issued to patients at reader Robert Fryer鈥檚 local medical centre in Comrie, Perthshire. To help defray the printing cost, the centre has sought sponsorship from other local services, so the cards show details of dispensing chemists, dental practices and so on. Naturally enough, the last advertisement is for the services of the local funeral directors.

The package of Schering-Plough Diprobase emollient cream that reader David Faull bought reads: 鈥淒ate of preparation: July 1996 (UK), June 1998 (Ireland).鈥� Is there something about crossing the Irish border that we should know about?