DO YOU feel a sense of hopelessness when you read of yet another tragedy or disaster in the news? Do you feel guilty that you are powerless to provide any real help for those who are victimised or abused? Would it help at all if you could share their pain?
If so, might have an answer with its WiFi-SM: 鈥淲iFi-SM is an internet-connected wireless device that you can fix on any part of your body. It automatically detects the information from approximately 4500 news sources worldwide, updated continuously, and analyses them looking for specific keywords such as death, kill, murder, torture, rape, war, virus, etc. Each time the text of the news contains one of these keywords, your WiFi-SM device is activated through the WiFi network and provides you with an electric impulse. This impulse is calibrated so that you can feel a certain amount of pain, but is completely safe.鈥�
It鈥檚 all a joke, of course. But it wouldn鈥檛 surprise us if one of these days someone does make a device like this for real.
Advertisement
HAVE the newscasters at GWN News in Western Australia been mugging up on string theory? A recent item contained a segment on the Mars Express probe and the satellite dish at New Norcia, near Perth, that is monitoring it. The presenter explained that with two other similar dishes elsewhere in the world it will be possible to 鈥渆xplore our universe and beyond鈥�.
IS THIS ageism, or what? To access past articles on the washingtonpost.com site, you have to choose a gender (M or F), enter country and zip code, and type in your year of birth. In a spirit of bloody-mindedness, a colleague of Feedback鈥檚 entered 1897 as his year of birth, only to be asked to re-enter a 鈥渧alid鈥� year.
He then tried 1898. No go. 1899? Still no access. But 1900 worked fine and Feedback鈥檚 colleague could read the item he was after.
So it seems The Washington Post does not want people over the age of 103 to access its archives. How unfair is that?
No such problems with an item in The Original Gift Company鈥檚 catalogue offering 鈥渂irth date newspapers鈥�. According to the catalogue, you can order copies of The Times published on the day you were born. A fine present for an elderly friend, we thought, and that includes very, very elderly friends. The catalogue assures us that newspapers for birth date gifts are available 鈥渄ating back as far as 1820鈥�.
CONGRATULATIONS to NASA for sending out a press release with possibly the most boring headline ever. We wonder how many journalists rushed to file a story when they opened an email entitled: 鈥淣ASA administrator participates in panel discussion.鈥�
Stop the presses!
AT Clapham Junction railway station in south London, an announcement tells commuters: 鈥淭o avoid overcrowding, we advise customers who are changing platforms to cross by the overbridge, rather than the station subway.鈥�
The 鈥渙verbridge鈥�? OK, but then why not the 鈥渦ndersubway鈥�?
And, if this way of talking catches on, will we start hearing of 鈥渢hroughdoors鈥� and 鈥渟teppingstairs鈥� and 鈥渋nsideinteriors鈥�?
Very oddstrange.
IT SOUNDS like a film title in the style of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Reader Richard Tateson鈥檚 canteen at work has taken to providing baguettes with enthusiastic descriptions of their contents. The cards with the descriptions are so small that Tateson鈥檚 favourite tuna mayonnaise baguette is described as:
TASTY DOLPHIN
FRIENDLY TUNA
What a difference the lack of a hyphen can make.
EMILY Pearce, a reader from Hounslow, Middlesex, was puzzled by a sign in her local park that said: 鈥淚n this area only dogs allowed off the lead.鈥� She wants to know what other animals people take to the park on leads.
FINALLY, a reminder about the Feedback annual competition.
This year you are invited to invent a new scientific word that we need and define it in an appropriately pompous way.
You may submit up to three entries per person by letter, fax or email. Thanks to the generosity of its makers, 10 lucky winners will each receive a bottle of Labrot & Graham鈥檚 award-winning Woodford Reserve bourbon whiskey, and, thanks to Cambridge University Press, they will also receive a copy of Climate: Into the 21st Century, the outstanding overview of our weather edited by William Burroughs.
The winning entries will be chosen on the basis of their wit and originality. All entries must reach us by Monday 8 December.
The winners will be announced in the 20/27 December issue. The editor鈥檚 decision is final.
Anyone thinking of storing an infinite number of videos on a disc should visit the Sorenson website, where reader Therion Ware discovered that the Sorenson Squeeze 3 鈥淐an reduce video file size by over 100 per cent鈥�