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INSPIRED by observations here about silly comparisons, a colleague has presented Feedback with a whole book of them – ā€œbut be careful with it, it’s for my Mumā€. The Queen Mary 2 Book of Comparisons (Cunard, ISBN 095424513X) reprints parts of The Queen Mary – a Book of Comparisons, published in 1936. So now we know that though one funnel of the old one could accommodate three US-gauge steam locomotives, the sole exhaust thingy of the new one is big enough for four Eurostar trains (disappointingly, widthways only). Our favourite so far: the weight of the old one would need a freight train 40 miles long to move it, whereas the new one weighs more than ā€œa school of 330 blue whalesā€. Is that before or after a hearty krill lunch?

THE White House was very keen to tell the world about the ā€œCAN-SPAMā€ Act passed by the US Congress in December, despite the nabobs of nerdish negativity who say it will do little to stem the tide of ads for dodgy degree certificates and under-the-counter drugs that clog our inboxes. So keen were they that they sent an editor of the webzine Light Reading a 1-megabyte photo-release of the president signing the act. And then another, equally unsolicited. Then four more. ā€œShouldn’t there be a law against that kind of thing?ā€ Light Reading asks.

THE new QuintrixSR television picture tube from Panasonic ā€œuses an innovative shadow mask to reproduce pictures accurately and in great detail,ā€ it says in the Comet catalogue, before helpfully explaining that ā€œA shadow mask is a perforated etched metal sheet that filters the red, green and blue coloured electrons into the correct position on the screen.ā€

Don’t they know that it’s quarks that have colour, not electrons? Coming soon to a patent office near you: the proton-powered TV with filters for charm and strangeness. Please…

ACADEMIC publishing moves at a gentler pace than that of, say, weekly news magazines – even when it’s not the Journal of Glaciology. So staff at one journal that shall remain nameless were pleased to have proofs of an article returned exactly on the deadline they had specified, conscientiously marked up to correct all the errors. The sender had even gone to the trouble of rewriting phrases to clarify previously opaque meanings.

This seemed all the more admirable in the light of the cover note: ā€œI have done what you asked me to,ā€ it read, ā€œbut it is not clear why you sent this paper to me as I am not its author.ā€

THE Gadget Shop website had this to say about its Tivoli ā€œportable audio laboratoryā€: ā€œYou also save money and help protect the environment because inside the PAL there’s an environmentally friendly rechargeable Nicked Meal Hydride battery pack that gives up to 20 hours of playback from one charge.ā€

Reader Mike Allin emailed the site to say, ā€œI’m particularly intrigued to find out more about the ā€˜Nicked Meal Hydride’ batteries.ā€ Back came a message from the Gadget Shop customer services manager: ā€œDear Mike, Thank you for your email message, and thank you for spotting our typing error. This should read Nicked Metal Hydride Battery. This is now being amended.ā€

The only question remaining in Allin’s mind is: where do they nick the metal from? Church roofs?

MEANWHILE, speaking of gadgets, some refreshing honesty in marketing. Stuck for a gift for the man-boy in your life? Go to and you will find: ā€œfor him – lots of black boxes with buttons and flashing LEDs on themā€. Click further and you find ā€œtechnology – gadgets, computers, black boxes, stuff you don’t need basicallyā€. ā€œThis section will be launching week December 11th,ā€ it claimed – and still did when we last looked, more than a month later.

OUR colleagues have always suspected us to be at a slight angle to the rest of the universe. Now we have confirmation, in the shape of our very own time zone. Just visit nist.time.gov/timezone.cgi?Feedback to see what time it is for us right now. Thanks to Fergal Dalton, who pointed us to this. Dalton also inhabits his own time zone (nist.time.gov/timezone.cgi?Fergal_Dalton) and is slightly concerned that the US National Institute of Standards and Technology knows so much about him.

TRAINEES exist, like grad students, to be exploited. But we fear that the British Council, that body charged with spreading love for things British around the world, is being a bit too blatant about it. Its application form for the catchily named International Association for the Exchange of Students for Technical Experience asks, very reasonably, ā€œHow many hours per day would you expect your trainee to work,ā€ then clarifies helpfully: ā€œminimum of 30 hoursā€.

FINALLY, if you are travelling in or to the US, be careful what reading material you pack. On 24 December the FBI warned 18,000 police organisations to watch out for people carrying…almanacs.

Spotted in the west of England, at the Exeter branch of Lakeland Plastics: ā€œPlease queue at ALL open tillsā€. Reader James Annear wonders whether quantum superposition will have to be called into play to achieve this

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