THIS column once engaged in a lively two-month debate with the public announcements board at Northwood station on the London underground. So we were delighted to hear from researcher John Gilbey that another form of noticeboard is doing its bit to challenge email and text messaging鈥檚 hegemony over 21st-century communications.
The laboratory whiteboard, Gilbey points out, is a place where months of distilled wisdom, irony and cynicism get recorded. Snatches of poetry, or something close to it, plaintive cries for help and understanding, ribald comments about the habits of colleagues, sinister threats against miscreants 鈥 all have their place on the whiteboard.
It seems a shame that, at the end of the semester 鈥 or the end of the week in more draconian organisations 鈥 someone comes along and cleans it all off. So let Feedback step in and rescue theses gems. Readers are invited to send us the cream of their whiteboards to be recorded for posterity.
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To kick things off, here are some of Gilbey鈥檚 own favourite comments from whiteboards he has known in labs around the UK and the rest of Europe:
鈥 The fridge in the lab is full of really nasty things. The fridge in the tea room is full of really nice things. Please maintain the distinction.
鈥 Lost: the will to live. If found, please return to the postgrad room.
鈥 I hereby withdraw my declaration that Trevor smells like a mongoose 鈥 the mongoose has threatened to sue.
鈥 Specific ion electrodes are very fragile 鈥 and expensive. You will find out just how expensive if you break any more.
鈥 The tea bags in the jam jar are mine alone. I have coated them with a potent neurotoxin to which only I have immunity. Thieves will inevitably die a painful, lingering death and I鈥檒l then dance merrily on their graves. This concludes my COSHH [Control of Substances Hazardous to Health] statement.
鈥 Remember 鈥 add acid to water, not water to acid. If you get it wrong, the emergency services are on extension 2222.
鈥 The departmental van is not available at the moment. It can be found on its roof just to the left of the A9. Mike did it 鈥 but don鈥檛 tell anyone.
鈥 The bins in the lab are for paper 鈥 not barium salts, manure or body parts. Please remember, 鈥榗os Beryl the cleaner isn鈥檛 into slasher movies 鈥 yet.
And, our own personal favourite:
鈥 draobetihw siht edisni kcuts m鈥橧 鈥 PLEH
HOW the mighty have fallen. The other day we visited the website www.belllabs.com, only to find we were at 鈥淏ell Laboratories, Inc, the world leader in rodent control technology鈥.
The Bell Labs we had been looking for was the one that is famous for decades of advanced research and invention in communications. We knew that it had had a few set-backs lately, but could it have shrunk to the point of limiting its scope to the quest for a better mousetrap?
Not quite. That Bell Labs is now part of Lucent Technologies, and can be found at , having apparently missed its chance to claim the belllabs.com domain. So much for its reputation for anticipating future technologies.
OUR piece about the Grand Canyon being 鈥渆stablished in 1919鈥 (6 December) reminded one of our readers, who prefers to remain anonymous, of a conversation he overheard during a visit to Niagara Falls. A couple behind him were admiring the falls. 鈥淭hey used to be another 10 miles down river,鈥 the man said, prompting the question from his lady companion, 鈥淲hy do you think they were moved up here?鈥 His reply was, 鈥淭o be closer to the hotels, I suppose.鈥
CHRISTMAS comes but once a year 鈥 no more, and certainly no less. So reader Emma Brodie was surprised to find babies鈥 T-shirts on sale in her local supermarket embroidered with the slogan 鈥淢y first Christmas鈥. They came in various sizes, including one to fit babies aged 12-18 months.
MEANWHILE, despite the Christmas rush and the clamour at the post office, Amazon.co.uk was promising ultra-fast delivery before the holiday. When reader Kleo Papas ordered a couple of books, he received this email in return: 鈥淒ispatched on 14 December 2003: two items 鈥 delivery estimate: 12 Dec 2003.鈥 Papas assumes Amazon has arranged to send the books via wormhole.
FINALLY, reader Alistair Anderson is disappointed that his Tesco Finest Scottish Oatcakes with Cracked Black Pepper are failing to live up to their promise. On the box it states: 鈥淭hese oaty biscuits compliment all cheeses for a delicious savoury snack.鈥 Anderson says he has yet to hear them utter a single kind comment to the cheddar.
From the department of the blindingly obvious. Reader Richard Platt bought a BT Studio cordless phone. The instructions for the location of the base station told him: 鈥淪ituate your product close enough to the telephone and mains supply sockets so that the cables will reach them鈥