A COLLEAGUE of Feedback named Stephen is delighted to learn that he has now published a paper with Stephen Hawking, as well as Nobel laureates Steven Weinberg and Stephen Chu. 鈥淭he Morphology of Steve鈥� by Eugenie Scott, Nicholas Matzke, Glenn Branch and several hundred assorted Steve-oids was published in the August issue of the Annals of Improbable Research, and reports the first results of an 鈥渆xperimental steveometry apparatus鈥� 鈥� namely the Project Steve T-shirt.
This is serendipitous science, as these shirts were designed for another purpose. Project Steve aims to parody lists of scientists who support creationism, instead listing Steves with science PhDs who support the teaching of evolution (). Sign up if you qualify and they鈥檒l send you a T-shirt. For the Steves mentioned above, this has also meant being granted co-authorship of the paper to which they have contributed.
How have they contributed? The T-shirts come in four sizes, from M to XXL. Along with the names and addresses of the Steves, this fact gave the authors a unique data set, allowing them to make a cutting-edge geographical analysis of Steve characteristics. They break the population down into domestic Steves and 鈥渇oreign, wild Steves鈥�, who are subclassified as Brits, Aussies, 鈥淐anadians, eh?鈥�, Random little countries, and Germans. Contrary to popular belief, the domestic US Steve is not a particularly large subspecies, coming somewhere in the middle of the size distribution.
Advertisement
Startlingly, the authors find no evidence that female Steves (the five Stephanies) are smaller than males 鈥� one of them even ordered an XXL 鈥� or that Steves are larger in colder climates, contrary to a previously accepted biological rule. They do however show that insular Steves are smaller than the continental breed, consistent with both island biogeography and the lead authors鈥� culinary prejudices. They suggest that malnutrition may have produced relatively skinny Brits and Aussies.
IT IS no fun standing up in front of a press conference to explain how things went wrong, so Feedback can understand NASA not hurrying to announce its post-mortem on the Genesis probe. But why did NASA鈥檚 public affairs department wait until 2.30 in the afternoon to send out an email announcing a 2.30 pm press conference 鈥� especially when it took half an hour for the email to wend its way through NASA鈥檚 network, so it didn鈥檛 arrive till 3.00 pm?
NOEL PUZEY鈥橲 local daily newspaper, the West Australian, publishes a weekly 鈥淏urning Questions and Answers鈥� section on Wednesdays. It is similar to the Last Word in New 杏吧原创, but with perhaps a tiny bit less scientific content, judging by this recent question and answer:
鈥淨: Why do whirlpools rotate in different directions north and south of the equator?
鈥淎: The direction of rotation of whirlpools is determined by the direction of the Earth鈥檚 rotation, which is from west to east. Looking at the Earth from a point below the South Pole, it appears to rotate in a clockwise direction, while looking at the Earth from a point above the North Pole, it appears to rotate in an anticlockwise direction. Like the Earth, all whirlpools rotate in the same direction. And, like the Earth, the perceived direction of rotation depends upon the position from which we look at them. Hence, looking at whirlpools from the southern hemisphere we see them rotating in a different direction from what we would see from the northern hemisphere.鈥�
MEANWHILE, Susie Schofield tells us that her 9-year-old son did an experiment observing water going down the plughole to find out which way it spun. Keen for him to repeat the experiment, she asked him what a scientist would do next. 鈥淲rite down the results,鈥� he offered hopefully. 鈥淎nd then?鈥� she encouraged him. 鈥淪ell the results,鈥� he replied confidently.
鈥淗ORMONE-FREE chickens鈥� announced the farm gate sign that reader Shaun Walsh saw on the road to Wilmslow in north-west England. This started Feedback thinking of the more obvious effects: the poor things are likely to be terminally lethargic, yet utterly unable to sleep, since they lack the chicken equivalents of adrenalin and melatonin respectively. And they鈥檒l have to be cloned, because there鈥檒l be no chance of eggs out of one of them. Sounds enticing?
FINALLY, Barry Yates tells us of an email he recently sent to the stationery company Staples, asking why none of its paper was recycled or made from recycled material. 鈥淭hank you for contacting us at Staples online,鈥� came the reply. 鈥淎ll our paper comes from recycled forests. We do not do any specific recycled paper.鈥�