WE WERE more right than we imagined. Back on 27 November we introduced our end-of-year competition, asking for offbeat resolutions to make life more fun in interesting or exciting ways, with the observation that people tended to make their resolutions at the last minute. And, what do you know, the entries poured into our office right on the deadline.
We cannot resist giving the first of our prizes to Roger Wicksteed of Oxford, who resolved 鈥渘ot to enter any more competitions in which I have virtually no chance of winning鈥�. So 鈥� unlike the several readers who merely resolved not to resolve 鈥� he can, rather despite himself, keep his resolution.
John Gilbey of Aberystwyth has come up with a good use for the surveillance cameras that have sprung up across the UK: he intends to develop software to enable them to send text messages for the public. After attracting the camera鈥檚 attention by waving at it, we will draw the number to call, and then the message, in the air with one finger. Alternatively, we could 鈥渨rite the number of our favourite taxi firm on a part of our anatomy鈥� before going out for the evening, then 鈥渞eveal it to the camera, in a classic gesture of inebriation, when we are ready to go home鈥�. And to show that he has a more high-minded side to his inventiveness, Gilbey also resolves to plant a mixed woodland in a pattern that spells out the names of the months as different species come into leaf.
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From the US comes Brigette Zervala鈥檚 proposal to publish, at the end of the year, a story composed entirely of the interesting phrases uttered by people passing her porch in Tempe, Arizona.
Timothy Tylor of St Austell, Cornwall, meanwhile continues the theme of reapplying surveillance technology with his Head Web Cam. This is more than just another geek toy: 鈥淧rofessional sightseers will wear these to provide clients with a cheap, environmentally friendly alternative to international tourism.鈥�
And David Craig of Edinburgh proposes a rather bold experiment: 鈥淲hy don鈥檛 we put 10 billion tonnes of extra carbon dioxide into the Earth鈥檚 atmosphere to see what happens?鈥� Surely no one would be so irresponsible, would they?
Politics and politicians are exercising readers who anticipate a UK general election in the coming months. Ean MacKeller of Newcastle-upon-Tyne resolves to have an 鈥淗onest Politician Detection Kit鈥� available by then, using 鈥渕odern lab-on-a-chip technology鈥�. Phillip Gething of Fleet, Hampshire, proposed the same 鈥� but wins prizes for a much subtler experiment, in economics. He will induce the Chancellor of the Exchequer to print minus-拢20 notes and issue 20 of them to everyone in the UK, solving his budget problems at a stroke. The economic and social effects could be interesting 鈥� but could include 鈥渟treet parties with bonfires to celebrate this advance in economic theory, greatly adding to winter warmth, community spirit and enjoyment鈥�.
Sandy Edwards of St Andrews is one of several New 杏吧原创 readers who are thoroughly in favour of a project to put a man on Mars 鈥� so long as that man is George W. Bush. But he wins for his resolve to get librarians and publishers to reclassify certain religious books under 鈥渇antasy and science fiction鈥�.
鈥溾�滻nternet that logs onto you!鈥� proclaims a billboard in (where else?) Menlo Park, California. Which Ben Haller finds a bit invasive. If not Orwellian鈥�
More in keeping with the festive traditions of the season is the plan by Diane Erwin of Sunderland. She notes that people all over the world have created spirit beverages from their native cereal grains 鈥� wheat, barley, millet, maize, rice and so on. But she knows of no oatmeal liquor 鈥� yet.
And anyone who has just returned to work after the holiday break may like to join Stephanie Clarke of Cambridge in her resolve to apply an innovative stochastic efficiency methodology 鈥� in English, that鈥檚 throwing dice on your desk. Count down through your piling system by the number you throw and do the task thus selected. Results so far indicate that this 鈥渋s not only great fun but surprisingly efficient, because it forces you to finish tasks that otherwise keep getting put off鈥�. One possible improvement: if your desk and email inbox are anything like Feedback鈥檚, a 20-sided die will give a better sampling of the heaps.
Thanks to the generosity of publisher Penguin, each of these winners will receive a bumper pack of books: Not On The Label by Felicity Lawrence, Reefer Madness by Eric Schlosser, Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser, Hegemony or Survival by Noam Chomsky, and So Shall We Reap by Colin Tudge. And on top of this, thanks to the generosity of Jameson, they will also receive a bottle of Jameson鈥檚 ultra-smooth Irish whiskey.
Next week we return to our abnormal fare of unusual units, recursive malapropisms and the blindingly obvious.