DO PRODUCT warnings reveal rather too much about how their authors see the punters? Alan Davison reports that the information leaflet on how to fold a Tesco baby stroller instructs English speakers with the classic: 鈥淏efore attempting to fold the stroller, fold the hood, remove your baby from the seat鈥︹�� But the instructions in French, German and Spanish do not bestow this advice. Do citizens of these nations care less about their babies being squashed 鈥� or are they credited with more intelligence?
The Chinese-made swim-ring that Mark Cahill bought in Lanzarote takes the idea to its logical extreme by carrying safety warnings in three different varieties of English. For the British, there is 鈥淲arning! Only to be used in water in which the child is within its depth and under supervision.鈥� For Australians, the translation into Strine is typically robust, 鈥淔lotation toy 鈥� Warning: Use only under competent supervision.鈥�
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And for the people of the US: 鈥淐aution: This is not a life saving device. Do not leave child unattended while in use. Never allow diving into this product. Never leave in or near the water when not in use. Only use in water. Follow these rules to avoid drowning, paralysis or other serious injury.鈥� You may draw your own conclusions. Quietly, please, and in French.
鈥淗ave cosmologists searching for dark matter been wasting their time? Just type 鈥渄ark matter鈥� into Google and you get an advertisement stating: 鈥淒ark matter for sale. Check out the deals now. 鈥溾赌�
ECOLOGISTS have taken the diversification of their research base to a new level, according to a book abstract discovered by David Morgan on the ISI Web of Science: 鈥淭he color of vertebrate-dispersed fruits has been a source of inquire for over 150 bears.鈥� Why was such a large team necessary? What other inquires have these bears conducted?
We of course rule out the possibility that this results from scanning a paper document and posting the result without proof-reading. The Union of Simian Typists would never allow that.
THE ghost of Trofim Denisovitch Lysenko lives on in the People鈥檚 Republic of China. An article in The People鈥檚 Daily last month pointed out to us by S. Charles asked: 鈥淲hy are Chinese disinclined to show wealth?鈥�
The answer, it turns out, was that for centuries Confucius鈥檚 doctrine of the Golden Mean has promoted a humble, calm way of life. 鈥淭hus formed the Chinese people鈥檚 unique psychological quality of disliking self-publicity.鈥�
But that鈥檚 not all. 鈥淐ultural traditions and lifestyles can have an impact on brain structure. The cultural traditions, conventions, living habits and attitudes that Chinese have inherited through generations cause gradual genic and neural changes. The accumulation of such quantitative changes eventually leads to qualitative changes, or gene mutation. When the mutated genes were inherited, the disinclination towards wealth exposure passed on.鈥�
Now where have we heard that theory before?
MODERN life is tough, but have things really got this bad? Achaz von Hardenberg alerts us to some worrying results reported by the Alliance for Aging Research at . According to the first caption, 63 per cent of those surveyed 鈥渨ant to live to 100鈥� and 32 per cent 鈥渄o not want to live鈥�.
WHEN Mike Brogden tried to contact the 鈥淰isit Britain鈥� organisation, whose work is to market tourism in the UK, the on-hold music he was subjected to was Singing in the Rain. When he finally got to speak to somebody, he suggested that this might not be the most tactful music to play to potential tourists. 鈥淲e don鈥檛 hear it,鈥� he was told. So that鈥檚 OK then.
THE book Fat Nation contains this instruction for an exercise for the hamstrings: 鈥淪tand with your feet together facing forward.鈥� Sarah Lewis-Morgan, who spotted this, is puzzled. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know whether it鈥檚 just me,鈥� she says, 鈥渂ut I find it impossible to face any other way when my feet are together.鈥� Feedback has tried it too, and finds the same. Is this instruction aimed at the double-jointed?
WE know the music industry has been fairly prolific over the years, but even so we鈥檙e rather doubtful about the claim on , which states: 鈥淯nlimited free music downloads from all your favourite artists! Over 12 billion songs at your fingertips.鈥�
Graeme Mulvaney, who discovered this, says he thought his 3-gigabyte music collection was a bit over the top, but now he just feels inadequate.
FINALLY, the leaflet from Scottish Gas pushed through Donald Wallace鈥檚 door promised: 鈥淚f our energy-saving condensing boiler can鈥檛 save you up to 40 per cent on your heating bills, we won鈥檛 install it.鈥� He wondered how far down from 40 per cent the promise applied: 0.000000000000005 per cent?