JUST occasionally, a promotion for a commercial product is so misleading it makes us huff and puff. An example is the publicity for a new skincare product called Neaclear. It is apparently 鈥渃reating a big commotion in the dermatologic community鈥�.
The company鈥檚 website () helpfully explains how 鈥渢he body can only survive minutes without oxygen鈥�. 鈥淭oday鈥檚 breathable air,鈥� it goes on threateningly, 鈥渃ontains less than 20 per cent oxygen鈥� whereas 鈥渁t one time, this number was more than 50 per cent鈥�.
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Shock, horror! The atmosphere is losing its oxygen! We鈥檝e come across this rubbish before, and as far as the planet鈥檚 recent history is concerned, it is simply not true. The oxygen in our atmosphere has been stable at about 18 per cent for at least 3 million years 鈥� and the last time it contained anything approaching 50 per cent was some 300 million years ago, when people weren鈥檛 around to breathe it.
From the misleading to the absurd. Neaclear, we are told, contains a 鈥減owerful combination of liquid oxygen, vitamins C & E, sage, chamomile, seaweed and rosemary, coconut oil, sweet almond oil and hydroquinone鈥�. At first we thought this might be a typographical error, but no, the company goes on to explain that Neaclear skin care 鈥渋s the first to combine stabilised liquid oxygen into all of its products鈥�.
This is 鈥渄efinitely unique鈥�, says Neaclear, and we agree. We have certainly never heard of a skin cream that contains liquid oxygen, the temperature of which is normally somewhere below -183 掳C.
TWO weeks ago we noted that you would be doubly truthful if you said of a computer-assisted tomography scan of a cat: 鈥淭his is a cat scan鈥� (20 August). We dubbed such statements diontologias and wondered whether there were any triontologias.
The challenge proved irresistible but hard to meet. The groan factor was high as readers struggled to find ways to satisfy the criteria using words such as 鈥渃atastrophe鈥�, 鈥渃atalogue鈥� and 鈥�tomography鈥�. None really succeeded, and it was left to Nigel Steel to come up with what we felt was the best solution: 鈥淚f you did a number of scans using positron emission tomography and an image of your own domestic animal companion was your personal favourite, then the statement, 鈥榯his is my pet scan鈥�, would be true to the third power.鈥�
Quite right Nigel, and thanks. Thanks also to Tom Gallard who reached almost the same solution with his 鈥減et pet project鈥�. And we should mention the effort by Richard Saunders, who pointed out that if he bought a large musical instrument for 拢1000 and thought it was quite splendid, then the statement, 鈥淭his is a grand piano鈥�, would be true three ways.
NASA鈥檚 public relations department is crowing about drawing record internet traffic during the recent mission of the space shuttle Discovery. About 435,000 people watched the launch on its streaming video, and some 400,000 watched the landing. 鈥淲e鈥檙e so excited that the world wants to be a part of the ongoing mission of exploration and discovery,鈥� said PR chief Dean Acosta at NASA headquarters.
But the main reason so many people watched was left unsaid: it was the nail-biting suspense of expecting the mission to go horribly wrong.
鈥淎 sign spotted on the A1 road near Harrogate in the UK tells drivers to 鈥渇ollow the existing signs to Wetherby鈥�. Chris Morley wonders how many drivers disobey this instruction and follow the signs that don鈥檛 exist鈥�
WE ARE sure that Jonathan Wallace is a brave man, but he admits that he has been struggling to summon up the nerve to ask his local library to obtain a copy of An Amateur鈥檚 Guide to Genitalia by P. W. Cribb.
This, despite the fact that it is a bona fide publication by the UK Amateur Entomologists鈥� Society. It deals with the identification of moths, whose genital anatomy is often the key diagnostic characteristic in determining species.
PROPER capitalisation can be more important than you might think. Dave Zwolenski and a colleague were happily writing up a safety manual for their workplace, until they came across the injunction in a fire extinguisher鈥檚 instruction sheet: 鈥淩emove locking pin and Grasp Nozzle.鈥� They spent 20 minutes looking for a Grasp Nozzle to remove, until sheepish realisation dawned.
FINALLY, John Elliott responds to our 鈥渦nusual units鈥� theme by telling us that there is a valley in Australia鈥檚 Blue Mountains, west of Sydney, 鈥渘amed for a very large unit of indefinite length. It is called Megalong鈥�.
Nice try, John, but we don鈥檛 think this is what the Aboriginal people meant when they named it that.