FOLLOWING the disaster of hurricane Katrina, the US Department of Agriculture (USDA) issued guidelines for 鈥渒eeping food safe during an emergency鈥�. The bulk of the advice focuses on how to keep one鈥檚 freezer cold during power outages, and it includes tips such as: 鈥淔ifty pounds of dry ice should hold an 18-cubic-foot full freezer for two days.鈥� This, as Martin Gardiner observes on his website , could present a problem to people who don鈥檛 have obliging friends in local hospitals, funeral parlours or heavy-metal rock concert venues.
The USDA has also provided an online question-and-answer system called 鈥淎sk Karen鈥� to answer your meat, poultry and egg safety queries. Gardiner decided to put Karen to the test, so he asked: 鈥淗ow long will sun-dried meat stay fresh?鈥�
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Karen replied: 鈥淭he Random House College Dictionary defines food as any nourishing substance that is eaten or otherwise taken into the body to sustain life, provide energy, or promote growth.鈥�
Not much help there, so Gardiner tried another tack: 鈥淗ow long could I survive just eating chocolate?鈥� Karen鈥檚 reply was the same as before: 鈥淭he Random House College Dictionary defines food as any nourishing substance鈥︹��
鈥淭rying to reduce the colours in an image using Adobe Photoshop, Chris Carroll-Davis got the message: 鈥淎n integer between 256 and 256 is required. Closest value inserted鈥濃��
Somewhat disheartened, Gardiner tried yet again: 鈥淢edieval monks used to make beer as a way of purifying water. Is that still a good idea?鈥�
鈥淎fter thoroughly washing surfaces with hot, soapy water,鈥� Karen advised, 鈥測ou can sanitise them with a solution of 1 teaspoon liquid chlorine bleach in 4 cups of water.鈥� Eh?
Gardiner had one last try: 鈥淐ould I safely eat my pet parrot in an emergency?鈥�
鈥淭he Food Marketing Institute鈥檚 鈥楩ood Keeper鈥� storage chart lists the ideal storage time for honey at 12 months,鈥� Karen replied.
See if you can get any sense out of Karen at .
THE spellchecker strikes again. Tony Kahane alerts us to CNN鈥檚 website report of the contest for the leadership of the UK鈥檚 famously Eurosceptic Conservative Party, which observes that candidate Ken Clarke鈥檚 age 鈥減robably counted against him, as did his pro-European views in an overwhelmingly neuroscientist party鈥�.
A neuroscientist friend writes: 鈥淚 am somewhat traumatised by the suggestion that the Tories are predominantly of my ilk. However, if true, it might explain their inability to get the disparate fragments of their party to form a cohesive unit. The binding problem 鈥� arguably the biggest question in neuroscience 鈥� is as yet unsolved.鈥� How, indeed, are disparate representations of the world bound together into a coherent view? Perhaps a Eurosceptic can tell us.
THE Bluetooth wireless system was designed as a simple way to connect computers, cellphones and hands-free car kits. One piece of Bluetooth equipment sends out 鈥渉ere I am鈥� radio signals and any Bluetooth-equipped device within 10 metres replies with a request to connect. As long as all the equipment is made to the Bluetooth industry standard, connection is easy as pie.
Well that鈥檚 what we were promised, but a recent catalogue from the Carphone Warehouse tells a different story. A 鈥渃ompatibility鈥� table says nine different Bluetooth phones work with five different Bluetooth hands-free car kits. One 鈥渦niversal鈥� car kit is 鈥渋ncompatible鈥� with seven phones. There are 11 warnings of 鈥渙ngoing quality and compatibility problems鈥� between various phones and car kits, and 12 warnings that the car kit and phone 鈥渋nitially work fine but problems have developed after some time鈥�.
It seems the message is that the only way to be sure that a Bluetooth phone works with a Bluetooth car kit is to buy both from the same manufacturer.
Is that what the computer industry calls a standard, then?
THE New York City radio station WINS 鈥� 鈥渁ll news all the time鈥� 鈥� plugged an item with the question: 鈥淕lobal warming: does it affect our region?鈥� Bob Friedhoffer notes that this suggests the station shares the belief of many that New York, New York, is not of this Earth.
NOBODY can accuse the BBC of not taking metrication seriously, Keith Huggest notes, after reading an online report of a fire on Southend pier in Essex: 鈥淭he flames had looked quite spectacular from land, leaping 30 to 40 feet (9.14 to 12.2 metres) into the air.鈥�
FINALLY, we have pretty well called a halt on diontologias in order to allow space for other things. But we can鈥檛 resist agreeing with Claude James that is indeed a web site.