YOU can鈥檛 launch a red postal service in the UK or a purple-wrapped chocolate in New Zealand because the Post Office and Cadbury have trademarked these colours. You could, at the time of writing, make a motorbike that sounds like a Harley (Feedback, 10 December 2005). Now Edward Phillips alerts us to the subject of trademarked smells.
Applicants face a difficulty: they must attach a 鈥済raphic representation鈥� of their smell to the 8 centimetre square box on the trademark application form. Eden, a French company in Paris, stuck a photo of a ripe strawberry to its application to trademark the use of that fruit鈥檚 smell on goods ranging from key holders to underpants. Could this scatter-gun approach be why the application is subject to appeal?
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Vennootschap onder Firma Senta Aromatic Marketing of Woerden in the Netherlands attached a picture of the words 鈥渢he smell of fresh-cut grass鈥� to its application. It is now the proud owner of the only European smellmark we have found. If you want to make tennis balls that smell like that, you鈥檒l have to ask the company nicely.
The French Institute for the Protection of Fragrances tried the most sciency-looking pitch: a green square with coloured stripes on it that is supposed to represent 鈥渁 lawn-green note, citrus (bergamot, lemon), pink floral (orange blossom, hyacinth), musky鈥�. It was refused.
鈥淭he label on the box of Ken Hutton鈥檚 heparin injections stated, perhaps a tad superfluously: 鈥淔ragmin syringe 2500IU/0.2ML. Do not swallow鈥濃��
You can track the fate of these applications by visiting and specifying the trademark type 鈥渙lfactory鈥�. Coming soon: Feedback鈥檚 registration of computer monitors that smell of dusty libraries. This only works when the user is inspecting trademark databases.
IS THERE something that NASA and some very influential Americans are keeping to themselves? Martin Ecott found this on the language teaching website : 鈥淩osetta Stone is self-contained and intuitive to use. There are no complicated lists to memorise or handbooks to read. With Dynamic Immersion, you can start learning immediately. Join NASA, Fortune 500 executives, US diplomats and millions of learners worldwide in discovering the fastest way to learn Welsh.鈥�
NASA? Top executives? US diplomats? Millions of learners worldwide? Welsh?
Ecott is confused, and so are we. But what鈥檚 this whisper we hear? It sounds like 鈥�Sylwith neb ar ein cynlluniau ar gyfer domiwnyddiaeth byd-eang鈥� (鈥淣o one will spot our plan for world domination鈥�) but we have almost certainly misheard.
Practising antisocial behaviour
Is the UK government promoting antisocial behaviour? Visit its website on the topic, , and you will have four options to enter the site. They are 鈥淚 am a member of the public鈥�, 鈥淭ackling alcoholic disorder鈥�, 鈥淭aking a stand awards鈥� and 鈥淚 am an antisocial behaviour practitioner鈥�.
Mere members of the public can join in the fun. Click on the relevant box and a link takes you to a page where you can use your postcode to identify your 鈥渓ocal antisocial behaviour coordinator鈥�.
Doug Russell, who noticed this and who is apparently a realist, supposes that what these people really are is anti-antisocial behaviour practitioners. This means, he observes, that civil libertarians opposed to the work they do are anti-anti-antisocial behaviour practitioners.
NEREUS is an acronym, of sorts, that 鈥渆xpands to a Naturally safe, Efficient nuclear Reactor, Easy to operate, Ultimately simple and Small,鈥� it says at . But the name rang a bell for Keith Huggett. In Greek mythology Nereus was the 鈥渙ld man of the sea鈥�, who although trustworthy, would not answer questions unless he could be caught, and to avoid that would change his shape. Not quite the image of openness and stability they were looking for, then.
A NOTICE seen by Angi Mauranen in a London hotel has that maddening quality normally found only in computer error messages. It says: 鈥淐omplimentary tea and coffee is available in the dining room when the dining room is closed and overnight.鈥�
鈥淧erhaps,鈥� Mauranen speculates, 鈥渢he purpose of the notice is to remind the customers that they are nothing more than customers, whereas janitors, cleaners and other people possessing the dining room key are the masters of the house and therefore privileged in terms of beverages.鈥�
FINALLY, it is good to see the London Metropolitan Police planning for the long term, Bill Lockhart says. He has found a press release on their website, in which the force 鈥渃ommends staff involved in responses to the tsunami and 7 July鈥�. It is bulletin number 0000000356. This far-sighted numbering system will comfortably accommodate one bulletin a day for the next 28 million years. But will they have answered the phone by then?