A READER who understandably wishes to remain anonymous sends us this intriguing story about 鈥淒r X鈥�, the head of department in the forensic laboratory where he works.
One Monday morning, Dr X noticed a patch of dark purple-brown mould on a spare white laboratory coat hanging on a stand near the staff kitchen. He immediately had it removed for laundering. Several days later he saw another coat, in the same place, exhibiting colonisation by what seemed to be the same mould. Incensed, he instructed one of his staff to identify the mould. It turned out to be a harmless penicillin variety, related to the kind that is commonly found on stale bread and sandwiches and also on inadequately washed hands.
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But Dr X wasn鈥檛 satisfied. Without telling his staff, he set about a forensic quest with the help of the laboratory鈥檚 genetic profiling system. Into the system went the suitably prepared mould samples, rendered down for profiling. At the same time, samples of the staff鈥檚 DNA were taken from their teacups and mugs, although because they had not given their consent nobody鈥檚 name was attached to any sample. A day or so later, the staff were called into Dr X鈥檚 office where, Poirot-like, he ran through the story.
It turned out every single one of them was to blame. Apparently, on leaving the kitchen, they had all either deliberately wiped their wet hands on the coat or had brushed against it after eating their sandwiches. The persistent damp patches, along with warmth from the nearby kitchen, provided the ideal medium for the mould to grow. The plentiful spores had then attached themselves to the staff鈥檚 clothing 鈥� and as they brushed against the clean new coat on the stand after the first one was taken away, the spores formed the nucleus for the new mould colony that developed there.
鈥溾�滶xtremely flammable 鈥� do not use near fire or flame鈥� is the safety warning on the cigarette lighter bought by Bruce Tergesen鈥�
Despite the obvious hygiene problem that this exercise revealed, Dr X said he had decided not to issue any stern warnings. The reason, he sheepishly admitted, was that his own DNA was also prominent on the coat.
Since then, the coat stand has been moved some way from the kitchen door, and a plentiful supply of disposable kitchen towels is now provided.
TWO weeks ago, we reported Jeff Lander鈥檚 observation that if a 650-watt microwave cooks a meal in 6 minutes, a 750-watt microwave cooks it in 5 minutes and a 850-watt microwave cooks it in 4 minutes, then it would seem that a 1250-watt microwave will cook it in 0 minutes, and above 1250 watts 鈥渢he microwave must become a type of time machine鈥� (29 April).
Stephen Hill and Justin Rowles both write to point out that one can also extrapolate the other way. In Hill鈥檚 example, a microwave with no power at all will cook that same meal in 12 minutes 30 seconds, which he suggests might be very good for saving electricity.
Meanwhile, thanks to Thorkil Hallas who declined to rise to Lander鈥檚 bait, and instead writes from Denmark to inject a note of sanity.
Sensibly suggesting that the directions quoted by Lander have probably been rounded up or down so that consumers don鈥檛 have to bother about seconds, he goes on: 鈥淚f we take 650 watts and 6 minutes as the requirement for a well-cooked meal, the oven produces 234 kilojoules 鈥� enough to raise the temperature to at least 56 掳C for a 1-kilogram meal. If the wattage is then doubled, we should only need half the cooking time. And in the case of the 1250-watt microwave, we should set the timer at 3 minutes and 7 seconds.鈥� So don鈥檛 sell your power-company stocks just yet.
UNTIL a couple of weeks ago, all the pictures of the top-selling items 鈥� such as computer monitors or printers 鈥� that were shown in the Novatech online catalogue were captioned 鈥渋mage for illustration purposes only鈥�. Clearly, Ian Cunningham writes, the heavy hand of lawyers has been hard at work here 鈥� but why? What other purpose could an image possibly serve? Can anyone reveal what meaning this apparently fatuous statement is supposed to convey?
It looks like Novatech itself realised it didn鈥檛 know what the sentence was doing there. It has now been removed.
INSTEAD of the pot plant that normally decorates the top of the fridge in the windowless staff kitchen area used by Andy Heard at Imperial College London, was the printed notice: 鈥淧lant has gone on holiday next to window, trying to remember what photosynthesis is. Back soon.鈥�
FINALLY, some intelligence from the north of England. In the Yorkshire Sculpture Park near Wakefield, Matthew Willey tells us, the sheep graze among monumental bronzes by the likes of Henry Moore. This idyllic situation, Willey believes, must have drastically improved their cognitive abilities. Signs on the gates read, 鈥淟ivestock: Please Close the Gate.鈥� Willey was disappointed that the sheep were pretending to be just eating grass when he went there.