TINFOIL hats may protect the brain from dangerous radio frequencies and mind-control rays. Or they may not, according to a group of students from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, who tested three standard designs with equipment costing $250,000. They found the foil actually amplified some radio signals 鈥� especially those on frequencies used by the US government 鈥� by a factor of up to 100. In summing up, they say: 鈥淚t requires no stretch of the imagination to conclude that the current helmet craze is likely to have been propagated by the government, possibly with the involvement of the FCC [Federal Communications Commission]. We hope this report will encourage the paranoid community to develop improved helmet designs to avoid falling prey to these shortcomings.鈥� ()
Of course the real problem with the classic tinfoil hat is that wearing one makes you look like a nut. Now Less EMF, a company in Albany, New York, allows you to play safe with more style. It makes a line of clothing woven from thread with a core of copper-silver wire that provides electromagnetic shielding ().
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With a baseball-style cap woven from the fabric, you can 鈥減rovide your brain a quiet place without interference to your mental processes from RF radiation鈥�, the company鈥檚 website says. At $29.95, it costs much more than a roll of aluminium foil, but wins hands down for style. For protection at work you can buy a shirt woven from metal-core thread for $89.95. If your budget is tight, Less EMF also offers shielded undergarments 鈥� best worn over standard cotton ones to keep the conductive fabric from touching your skin. A camisole is $38, boxer shorts and T-shirts are $64. And for a worry-free night鈥檚 sleep, you can shield yourself and your bed with a $499.95 canopy woven from silver/nylon thread.
鈥淎 report by Associated Press anticipating last month鈥檚 eclipse of the sun was faithfully repeated in CNN鈥檚 online news: 鈥淣ight will turn to day,鈥� they both predicted鈥�
It all sounds very reassuring. Just one word of advice to Less EMF customers: leave your metal clothing at home if you鈥檙e planning a plane journey. It could play havoc with the airport security scanners.
THE Chevrolet 鈥淎pprentice鈥� promotion must have seemed like a good idea at the time. The company set up a website enabling anyone to make a 30-second television commercial for the Tahoe SUV by adding their own words to Chevrolet video clips and music at . It was simple and fun to put the pieces together to make a professional-looking ad, and even environmental activists yielded to the temptation.
However, they also yielded to the temptation to put in their own messages, noting that the Tahoe gets 6 kilometres per litre (15 miles per gallon) in town, emits large amounts of carbon dioxide, is 鈥渓arger than any normal mortal needs鈥�, and lets you 鈥渄rive like a complete jerk because you鈥檙e the only one on the whole damn planet鈥�. The contest finished on 10 April, but links to a few samples are posted at (with a 鈥渟ome objectionable language鈥� warning) and there are more videos at .
WHEN John Haythorne was working in a garage he was reminded of the importance of careful punctuation by a puzzling note from a customer whose car had failed the UK鈥檚 Department for Transport MOT roadworthiness test. The note specified the work that had to be done for the car to pass the test, and included the instruction 鈥淟ubricate Fair-Clips鈥�.
None of the workers in the garage had the faintest idea what this meant 鈥� until they read the test report on the car: 鈥淪eatbelt condition Fair 鈥� Clips require lubricating.鈥�
ROBERT SHROCK鈥檚 seminal work A Study of Features and Structures Useful for Determining Top and Bottom or Order of Succession in Bedded and Tabular Rock Bodies originally had a different title, Stuart Baldwin tells us. A geologist recently confided that Shrock first called the work Tops and Bottoms in Beds, but for some reason the publishers rejected this.
FEEDBACK apologises to Allison Miller and colleagues at Washington University in St Louis, Missouri, for the delay in reporting their exciting work on preserving biodiversity in the jocote (Spondias purpurea), a tropical American tree that bears small mango-like fruit. It was the reference to the use of 鈥減olymerase chair reaction amplification of DNA extracted from the jocote samples鈥� that held us up. We鈥檝e been afraid to open the office door for fear of exponentially proliferating furniture.
FINALLY, anyone who has ever felt there is something fishy about Dan Brown鈥檚 writing, read on. Phil Anderson points out that Amazon鈥檚 description of Brown鈥檚 Digital Fortress ends with this thought-provoking sentence: 鈥淚t is a battle for survival 鈥� a crucial bid to destroy a creation of inconceivable genius鈥n impregnable cod.鈥�