OLDER readers may remember the days when 鈥渉olography鈥� served as an all-purpose buzzword standing for 鈥渁dvanced sciency thing鈥�. It seems, we fear, to be making a comeback. Gareth Davies, a medical physicist, was searching for information about the holographic process that can be used to encode data. What should he stumble across but an 鈥渆ssence for helping the body to holographically release the energy of acute trauma from the body鈥�. An accompanying picture of a 鈥渇rozen conifer鈥� is just one of a number of 鈥渙nline healing鈥� pictures at .
Davies copied us in on the message he sent to the site, which said he was 鈥渃urious to know what you think the terms 鈥榟olographic鈥� and 鈥榓cute trauma鈥� mean, because while you use these (quite specific) scientific terms, I鈥檓 pretty sure you will not find any randomised, placebo-controlled, double-blind trials that will demonstrate that looking at a picture of a fern with a bit of snow on it does anything at all to alleviate the effects of acute trauma鈥ven if it was a hologram (which it definitely isn鈥檛 by the way), it鈥檚 not really an advisable course of action to stop serious bleeding. Your chances of surviving acute trauma would be substantially improved in the accident and emergency department of a hospital.鈥�
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Like Davies, we await with interest the reply from New Millennium Flower Essences of New Zealand. Meanwhile, here is how their instructions for encouraging the body to release trauma 鈥渉olographically鈥� begin: 鈥淲hile looking at photo of flower: Breath [sic] slowly and deeply, and imagine the old stale energy leaving your body鈥︹��
It may even work, as long as the trauma is imagined, too.
SADLY, persuading people to stare at pictures of flowers on a computer screen does not generate much of an income, so how do the folk at keep the wolf from the door? Mainly, they market their own concoctions of 鈥渇lower essences鈥� in bottles, but they also sell other people鈥檚 products, including the 鈥淲illauTronic eSmog Chip鈥�. Surfing on over to we discover that this 鈥渦ses the principle of destructive interference鈥� and for just $45 鈥渃ancels out the harmful parts of the mobile phone signal鈥�.
The information about this wonder cure is refreshingly 鈥� if perhaps unintentionally 鈥� honest. 鈥淐an you check to see if the device is operating by measuring the radiation levels?鈥� is deemed a frequently asked question. The answer is, 鈥淣o鈥t is only the negative 鈥榤essages鈥� on the waves that are cancelled out using the inverse interference process鈥�. And another is, 鈥淐an 鈥榯raditional鈥� medical instruments detect these positive results being experienced?鈥� Unsurprisingly, 鈥淎t present there are no known reliable electrical instruments to consistently prove the positive effects of these devices鈥�.
So you pays your money and you, er, guess whether it鈥檚 working.
THIS week鈥檚 award for the 鈥渁rticle we wish several people we can think of would read鈥� goes to 鈥淐onsequences of erudite vernacular utilised irrespective of necessity: problems with using long words needlessly鈥� by Daniel Oppenheimer of Princeton University (Applied Cognitive Psychology, DOI: 10.1002/acp.1178).
It concerns the ploy of beefing up your report or essay with polysyllabic words in the hope that the person grading it will think you are smart. But guess what? It doesn鈥檛 work. Oppenheimer presented participants in his study with several essays that varied both in quality and in the number of long words they contained. Whether the essays were good or mediocre, the readers gave the unnecessarily wordy ones lower grades than the concise.
Come to think of it, the finding ought not be that surprising. Like practically every other psychology experiment ever performed, this one was done on college undergraduates, who probably use the long-word ploy themselves and know it when they see it.
A FRIEND of Feedback who lives in Camden, in north London, received an encouraging note from the local council about its new electronic parking permit. Presumably in deference to the expected longevity of the borough鈥檚 residents, item 2 on the notice told him: 鈥淭his permit can only be used in vehicle(s) and is valid from 22/04/2006 to 30/12/9999 only.鈥�
Learning French the Italian way
FINALLY, when Mike Steinbock wanted to expand his linguistic skills, he bought the AA Essential Italian Deluxe PC CD-ROM. Describing itself on the cover as 鈥淭he complete language learning solution right at your fingertips鈥�, it went on to say: 鈥淲ith AA Essential Italian Deluxe you鈥檒l be reading, writing and speaking French in no time at all.鈥�
鈥淒oes anyone know how this works?鈥� Steinbock asks.