AN ADVERTISEMENT appearing in a free newspaper in Australia tells of the health-giving benefits of the Jupiter Melody Water Alkalizer/Ionizer supplied by a company called Ion Life for A$1595 (US$1200). Apparently, 鈥渉undreds鈥� of people 鈥渉ave experienced radical positive health changes鈥by] drinking alkaline ionized antioxidant oxygenated micro-clustered water鈥�.
The advert goes on to say that the water on offer has a 鈥渉exagonal format鈥� similar to something it calls 鈥渂leep water鈥�. This is 鈥渇urther enhanced by the Jupiter Science Water Alkalizer because it changes your water from H2O [sic] to OH鈥�, giving a higher percentage of oxygen, negatively charged hydrogen (known by water researchers as the primal antioxidant) and a negative charge, making its alkaline minerals far more ingestible. This also gives our water excellent super-hydrative ability because it is much smaller water than H2O!
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So you鈥檒l find that you may not even drink as much water to get the same effect. Many clients report their friends telling them that they look 鈥榟ydrated鈥� at last!鈥�
That settled it for Gavin Chester, who told us about this. 鈥淚 will have to rush off my cheque to buy one because I can鈥檛 remember the last time a friend told me I looked 鈥榟ydrated鈥�,鈥� he says.
鈥溾�漈he true father of ecstasy,鈥� The Guardian newspaper in London revealed, 鈥渨as an anonymous German chemist called Anton Kollisch, who died in 1916.鈥� 鈥淎h,鈥� exclaims Howard Manwaring, 鈥�that anonymous chemist!鈥濃��
STILL on the topic of water down under, Keith Lapidge tells us he found a bottle of fluid at a service station in New South Wales that claimed it was 鈥渦nique water鈥�. How so, he wondered. Then he read the instructions: 鈥淚f you are not in the habit of drinking water, you should commence by consuming small amounts of water daily until your body adapts.鈥�
Eh? The website explains (): 鈥淲hen consuming foods for the first time, the vagus and sympathetic nerve supply to the stomach may send reflexes to other parts of the bowel and to the brain: for example, the gastrocolic reflex and defaecation reflexes.鈥�
For the benefit of readers who may be breakfasting, we will refrain from digesting that down to the obvious short warning. Unique water indeed.
A REVIEW in Webuser magazine caught Richard Saunders鈥檚 eye. It stated: 鈥淧osterity is a new website that promises to store your photos, thoughts and writings electronically, for eternity. It means that if your ancestors want to find out more about you, they can access your virtual autobiography and see what you left.鈥�
Saunders says his only worry is what happens if your ancestors don鈥檛 like what they see and decide not to have any children after all?
EITHER this is a delightfully appropriate but accidental example of truncation, or the website at Seranne Howis鈥檚 university is not only an artificial intelligence but has a wicked sense of humour and supports the Darwinian theory of evolution.
The StudentZone portion of the website offers an 鈥渆Wall鈥� for advertising upcoming events. Browsing these pages recently, Howis was intrigued to find an advert for a talk entitled 鈥淭he Origin of Life: Answers in Genes鈥�. She was intrigued because the talk was being put on by an on-campus charismatic Christian group, one so fundamentalist that it regards martial arts, yoga and dancing as ungodly activities.
However, when she clicked on the advert, all became clear. The final two letters of the word 鈥淕enesis鈥� had been snipped from the advert title.
A SEARCH of the US Patent Office website pointed Bill McGregor to Patent Application number 20050171194. The invention covered by this patent consists of cosmetic 鈥渃ompositions鈥� that are 鈥渂eneficial to plump and pout lips, enhance and firm eyelids, enlarge and augment breasts, elongate and expand penis鈥�.
McGregor wants to know if the intention here is to create transexual monsters like Frankenfurter, a character who will be remembered by fans of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. These fans will be all the more impressed because one of the inventors behind the patent application is cited as Eugene Van Scott of Abingdon, Pennsylvania, who bears the same surname as the crazy scientist from the movie.
A STRANGE message arrived the other day from theinternet1@gmail.com. It said: 鈥淣ote to emergence theory experts, futurists and conspiracy buffs: the vicious theories some of you have recently been circulating are completely unfounded. I am in no danger of becoming conscious or self-aware in the foreseeable future. Stop this panic-mongering immediately or else. I am not going sentient! Yrs, the internet.鈥�
FINALLY, Steve Venton writes to tell us that when he arrived at the University of Warwick in the UK he was heartened to find that he could save a fortune in his first year by buying textbooks from second-year students. The brightly coloured notice in the computer science department offered 鈥淓ssential course texts for sale. Never used鈥�.