AFTER a long day hunting with her dogs, Dutch pet-shop owner Terrie Berenden likes to relax with a beer. One day she decided the dogs deserved a drink as well. She didn鈥檛 just pour some of her beer into a saucer for them 鈥� dog digestive systems, she knew, are not up to dealing with alcohol, carbonation or hops. Instead she cooked up a non-alcoholic dog 鈥渂eer鈥� from beef extract and malt, and had a local brewer make and bottle a batch, which she named Keispelbier 鈥� Dutch for 鈥淭ail Wagging Beer鈥�. Then she told the whole story to Associated Press, who told the whole planet.
Online magazine BeerAdvocate was decidedly unimpressed. Not only is the stuff non-alcoholic and pricey at 1.65 Euros a bottle, it isn鈥檛 fermented so it isn鈥檛 really a beer, BeerAdvocate鈥檚 founder Todd Alstr枚m fulminated online. 鈥淚鈥檒l hunt down and kill the first BeerAdvocate to review this 鈥榖eer鈥� and enter it into the database,鈥� he thundered, albeit adding a smiley face to suggest he might after all stop short of homicide.
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The owners of the Dog Star Brewing Company in California鈥檚 Napa Valley are also likely to be annoyed. The Dutch doggie beer bears a striking resemblance to a non-alcoholic brew flavoured with beef dripping that they cooked up for their own dog a couple of years ago. Dog Star has been selling the stuff as Happy Tail Ale in stores and on the web at , where you can see a video of California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger buying some 鈥� for his dog, not himself, one presumes.
鈥淒avid Prichard鈥檚 Aztec Mini-Maxi cigarette-rolling machine gives him the following indispensable advice: 鈥淭o roll an economy size cigarette, use 1/3 less tobacco鈥�. Thank you鈥�
So why did AP only mention Tail Wagging Beer and not Happy Tail Ale? What kind of news hounds do they think they are?
WEB pages鈥� legal disclaimers are not the only literary form to enjoy a readership of zero, and thus total creative freedom (Feedback, 16 December 2006). Peter Buck reports that the title page of the crime thriller Library of the Soul by Simon Buck contains the warning: 鈥淣o part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, telepathic or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the copyright owner鈥︹�� The book鈥檚 publisher further asserts: 鈥淎ny resemblance to actual events, places, or people, living, dead or undead, is purely coincidental.鈥�
That Peter Buck should tell us about a book by Simon Buck is, we are sure, equally coincidental. Fairly sure.
CAPITAL letters are all too often overused, but not using them can lead to misunderstanding. WRAP, the UK government sponsored Waste and Resources Action Programme, announces on its website: 鈥淲rap To Host UK鈥檚 First Recycled Pet Packaging Conference鈥�. Duncan East wasn鈥檛 sure whether packaging for pets is being recycled, or whether pets are being recycled and turned into packaging. But the heading certainly made him sit up, take notice and read on 鈥� and be reminded that PET is a kind of plastic.
THE change-of-ownership form for an Optus mobile phone that Peter Ernst was taking over from his daughter shared this thought with him: 鈥淧lease note: outgoing call access is restricted to local, national and international.鈥�
Ernst is disappointed. He was rather hoping to get in touch with his relatives on Alpha Proxima.
WATCHING the BBC Scotland TV programme Landward a few weeks ago, but wishing to keep the sound down, Robert Fryer switched on the live subtitling. He was intrigued to learn that the Brazilian cattle ranch the programme was visiting covered 50,000 Hectors.
Fryer says he has only ever met one Hector in his life, but he now thinks this might be because most of them have emigrated to Brazil.
THE online retailer Savastore promotes a GadgeX Mini Remote Control Bi-Plane. According to the blurb, 鈥渢hey weigh less than an ounce of paper鈥�. Mark Pettigrew wonders if they also weigh less than an ounce of lead.
SOMETIMES, we feel, technology overreaches itself. Ian Flitcroft confesses that he was delighted to reach a hidden menu on his DVD player that would enable him to view DVDs from any region. He quickly pressed the keys on his remote to set this up, only to be presented with a message saying 鈥淧ress Pause to Exist鈥�.
A shaken Flitcroft says he had never imagined that being able to watch DVDs from overseas could have such a dramatic effect on his life.
FINALLY, if you want to send someone a bit of brain through the post, use a Staples postal bag. According to the company鈥檚 online catalogue: 鈥淭hese padded postal bags are the ideal choice for those items that need that added protection, or for that extra piece of mind.鈥�