ANYTHING that makes air travel less miserable has to be worth a try, so we jumped at the chance of registering for the fast-track Iris Recognition Immigration System, aka IRIS, being tested by the British government.
You register at the airport by looking into a camera that stores your iris pattern and passport number. Our first attempt at registering failed, however, because the official in charge of the camera at London鈥檚 Heathrow airport could not remember the PIN needed to work his machine.
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A second try a few weeks later was successful. So on the way back into Heathrow after our travels we smugly left our friends in a long passport queue, went into the IRIS cubicle and looked into the camera. After many failed attempts at aligning our eyes with optical markers, the machine lost patience and told us to leave. An official appeared and said the malfunction might be down to the machine thinking our suitcase was a child being smuggled through.
As there was no one else waiting we tried again, this time holding the suitcase well clear. Again the computer said no. After a third failed attempt, the official reappeared and said spectacles must be the problem.
鈥淪ophia Lambert was shocked to read on the carton of Munchy Seeds Pumpkin Mix she bought that: 鈥淒ue to the nature of this product it may contain traces of natural materials鈥濃��
鈥淏ut we need spectacles to see the eye markers,鈥� we complained. By this time all our friends had long since shown their passports, sailed through and were waiting with mocking smiles on their faces.
The IRIS machine screen was now also showing a Windows message, 鈥淪ymantec PC Anywhere 鈥� Unknown error鈥�.
鈥淎h,鈥� sighed the official. 鈥淲e鈥檒l have to reboot the whole thing now.鈥�
British government electronic technology triumphs again.
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The site admonishes: 鈥淔irst you should look at ways of reducing your cheating. Once you鈥檝e done this you can use Cheatneutral to offset the remaining, unavoidable cheating.鈥�
A RECENT issue of the Australian newspaper Melbourne Age carried an advertisement in its employment section for a 鈥淗ead Percussion Teacher鈥�. Carlo Gnaccarini notes that according to Vatican tradition the death of a pope must be confirmed by three taps to his head with a silver hammer kept for the purpose. The employer in the Melbourne Age advert is Loreto College, a Catholic school, which Gnaccarini assumes must train percussionists for just such a contingency.
WHEN Kevin Dickens rang his local Asda supermarket, he got this recorded message: 鈥淗ello. Thank you for calling Asda Thurmaston. We are a 24-hour-opening store, our opening times being Monday to Saturday, 8 am to 10 pm, and Sunday 10 am to 4 pm鈥︹�� Eh?
MATT GOLDFIELD was impressed by the label on a bag of sea salt from his local health food shop that proclaimed it to be 鈥淣on GM鈥�. Then he began to wonder exactly where the genetic material, modified or not, was to be found in a crystal of sodium chloride.
FINALLY, so much correspondence gets sent to Feedback that we can鈥檛 publish in New 杏吧原创 for lack of space that the online team is thinking of starting a Feedback blog. Here, readers will be able to post their comments on stories in the column, add stories of their own and give their own examples of Feedback themes such as nominative determinism, unusual units and odd notices and signs.
There鈥檚 just one problem. Many people think that the word 鈥淔eedback鈥� is an invitation to comment on scientific articles in the main body of New 杏吧原创 and, indeed, on scientific topics in general. Others think it is the right place to write to about problems with their subscription. For all the column鈥檚 longevity and popularity, an awful lot of people, especially newcomers to New 杏吧原创, don鈥檛 know what it is.
So we have decided that the column needs a new name 鈥� and who better to think of one than you, dear reader? Please send us your ideas by email or post. Please restrict each suggestion to two words maximum and do not send in more than two suggestions. If we adopt your suggestion, you could be the winner of a magnum of champagne.
All suggestions must reach us by Monday 14 May and the editor鈥檚 decision on the winner is final.