ONE of the unwritten rules of public relations is that friendly images can make nasty things seem less so. However, this example from Ames Laboratory in Iowa leaves Feedback鈥檚 head echoing with cognitive dissonance: 鈥淎rmour-piercing projectiles made of depleted uranium have caused concern among soldiers storing and using them. Now, scientists at the US Department of Energy鈥檚 Ames Laboratory are close to developing a new composite with an internal structure resembling fudge-ripple ice cream that is actually comprised of environmentally safe materials to do the job even better.鈥�
Environmentally safe armour-piercing fudge-ripple ice cream? How nice.
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THOSE who would deny climate change, or protest 鈥渘othing to do with us, guv!鈥� often speak as though the massive and detailed climate models that have been produced are nothing more than guesswork. We think Roy Koerner 鈥� who himself works on climate change 鈥� may have found the source of this confusion.
The disclaimer on retirement planning advice from Manulife Investments reads thus: 鈥淚mportant: the projections or other information generated by this analysis regarding the likelihood of various outcomes are hypothetical in nature, do not reflect actual results, and are not guarantees of future results. The simulations are based on a number of assumptions. There can be no assurance that the projected or simulated results will be achieved or sustained. Results may vary with each use and over time. The chart presents only a range of possible outcomes. Actual results will vary, and such results may be better or worse than the simulated scenarios. The potential for loss (or gain) may be greater than demonstrated in the simulations.鈥�
鈥淪everal readers have told us about an anniversary card, 鈥淭o my wife鈥�, that warns it is 鈥渘ot suitable for children under 3 years鈥�. Does this mean it is suitable for 4-year-olds?鈥�
This doesn鈥檛 inspire a great deal of confidence, does it. We cannot help remembering, though, that these investments are on the stock market, which in turn reminds us of something about a chimpanzee outperforming the world鈥檚 leading investment advisers by spitting its breakfast at the stock price pages of a newspaper. Climate modelling, we like to think, is not like this.
IN A UK news report on 1 March headed 鈥淩ogue fuel breakdown risk for 400,000 cars鈥�, The Daily Telegraph says: 鈥淎 number of motorists reported that their engine鈥檚 warning light had come on without warning.鈥�
John Hoythorne suggests that the obvious solution to this problem is to fit the cars with a warning light warning light.
TO BE honest, we鈥檙e not sure that the Vinegarbook website is the place we would first turn to for medical advice. Alan McHenry, who is also not sure about this, points to its advice on seafood allergies: 鈥淒o you suffer from allergies to seafood鈥�, Vinegarbook asks, without a question mark. 鈥淭ry dipping the seafood in vinegar before eating. Note: This may not work for all users.鈥�
If we had an allergy to seafood, we think we would probably err on the side of caution on this one and consider ourselves among the people referred to in the note.
COMMENTS finger-written on dirty vehicles tend to stick to often-repeated phrases such as 鈥淐lean me鈥�, 鈥淎lso available in white鈥� and 鈥淚 wish my girlfriend was this dirty鈥�. Cycling round Cambridge recently, Michael Francis saw one that broke new ground. On the side of a particularly filthy lorry parked near Jesus College was enscribed the phrase 鈥淐ouldn鈥檛 afford the TiO2鈥�.
Titanium dioxide (TiO2), for those who are not industrial chemists, is a hydrophobic substance used to coat surfaces to make them resist both water and dirt, so they are 鈥渟elf-cleaning鈥�. Francis says he is pleased to see the expensive investment in someone鈥檚 scientific education being put to good use.
THE division of the large firm that Roger French works for contains about 1000 full-time employees (FTEs). Management recently invited them all to a company party, saying: 鈥淭his invitation is extended to all division FTEs/interns and one guest.鈥� French wants to know how all the FTEs and interns will decide on who that one guest will be.
HOW about this for imaginative science? On a stall selling cacti in a craft fair that Steve Parkes visited was a handwritten sign saying: 鈥淥ne of the hazards of modern life is computer screens, which give off radiation. Cacti grow in deserts in strong sunlight, which has very high levels of ultraviolet. So buy a cactus and stand it in front of your computer screen to absorb all that harmful radiation.鈥�
FINALLY, an advert in Your Family Tree has the opposite effect from that intended, Ken Hawkins points out. The ad promotes the latest version of Family Historian software, but what it says is: 鈥淲e thought v2 of Family Historian was the best family tree software available until v3 was launched. Now we are certain.鈥�