AH, TACHYONS! Hypothetical faster-than-light particles, or the 鈥減ure life-force energy鈥� that is converted by 鈥渟ubtle organizing energy fields into the exact frequencies needed to maintain and restore perfect balance to a life form鈥� that Feedback mentioned back on 9 July 2005? If the latter, people are naturally going to want to know how tachyon energy works.
Well, Dylan Morgan did, anyway. What he found was , which promotes David Wagner鈥檚 鈥渢achyonisation鈥� process. But there鈥檚 a problem: 鈥淭here is a limit to what can be discussed about the Tachyonization process because it is proprietary.鈥�
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What they will say is that the process 鈥渄oes not use sacred geometry to inform products; does not require prayer or meditation; is not a photon-based technology; does not use crystals or orgone technologies; does not use magnets; is absolutely not operator sensitive鈥�.
Feedback sees this as the beginning of a new dawn in magic cure marketing. Our own, commercially confidential 鈥渄ark matter shielding鈥� process, for example, does not involve psychogeography, use of the number 23, holography, Tarot cards, hexagonal water or vacuum point energy. And in this house 鈥� to quote the esoteric magus Homer Simpson 鈥� we obey the laws of thermodynamics. Yet our dark matter shielding will keep your laundry snowy white and ensure that you live till the age of 200.
ENVIRONMENTALLY conscious Americans can wake up to organic coffee and drive to work in a fuel-efficient hybrid car, but what happens when it鈥檚 time to snuggle between the sheets?
Babeland, a chain that bills itself as running 鈥渨omen-friendly sex toy stores鈥�, has now gone green. Among the chain鈥檚 new products are rechargeable vibrators that prevent that embarrassing pile of batteries next to the bed and 鈥渓ickable oils鈥� that are organic and come in 鈥渄ulce de leche鈥� and other appropriate flavours. Babeland also keeps up with scientific research: some of its toys are now made of elastomers free of phthalates, the questionable plasticisers found in so many consumer products.
鈥淥n his teacher鈥檚 Sony Vaio laptop computer, Thomas Parker assures us, there is a labelwith a list of features headed 鈥淥ptional Vaio essentials鈥濃��
Of course, the US being the land of lawsuits, Babeland is careful to warn about hazards. Its scented candles melt into 鈥渟kin-safe soy鈥� massage oil, but you should not leave them 鈥渦nattended while burning鈥�. Come on, baby, light my fire 鈥� then extinguish it thoroughly.
WE KNEW that some experts believe too much exposure to TV can be harmful to young people, but we didn鈥檛 know the condition could be catching. So imagine our surprise when we came across a headline on the Bedford Today newspaper鈥檚 website saying, 鈥淧upils tested as classmate is confirmed as TV sufferer鈥�.
It seems we weren鈥檛 the only ones to be puzzled. Soon after we saw it, the headline was changed and 鈥淭V鈥� became 鈥淭B鈥�.
SPOTTED outside a K-Mart store in Illinois: a semi-trailer bearing the information: 鈥淥L: 45ft 0in; OH: 13ft 6in; OW: 102.3125in鈥�. That鈥檒l be the overall length, height and width. As Andrew Robinson notes, 鈥淚 know that truck drivers pride themselves on being able to park in the tightest of positions and their ability to judge distances鈥� But!鈥� Quite so. The photo Robinson sent gives no indication of the temperature at which the width, precise to one ten-thousandth of an inch, is supposed to apply. Strangely, 102.3125 inches is one thick coat of paint less than 2.6 metres.
WHATEVER this is, it鈥檚 not nominative determinism. Angus Gordon-Farleigh recently spotted a job advert from 鈥淎 leading nuclear services provider worldwide [that has] earned a reputation for providing high quality decommissioning, waste management, nuclear engineering design, radiation safety and consultancy services to an international client base.鈥� And who might that be? NUKEM Limited, is who. 鈥淲hat a name to inspire confidence!鈥� Angus exclaims, possibly deploying irony. Could this in fact be nominative deterrence?
THANKS to Philip Bolt and Steve Davey, who were, independently, struck by the strapline on a packet of Seabrooke Potato Crisps with its claim that the contents are 鈥淐ooked in pure sunflower oil for over 25 years鈥�. Both think this is rather a long time and Davey also wonders whether the same oil was used throughout, or was it changed?
ANOTHER Amazon incongruity (23 December 2006). Tim Bowly was told by the online bookseller: 鈥淲e鈥檝e noticed that customers who have expressed interest in A History of the Black Death in Ireland (Revealing History Paperback) by Maria Kelly have also ordered Theatres and Cinemas of Wakefield (Images of England) by Kate Taylor.鈥� But why?
FINALLY, Fiat sent Graeme Walker a press release for the sporty new 100-horsepower Panda. Sadly, the release used a dot where it should have used a dash, so the quoted performance was 鈥�0.62 mph in just 9.5 seconds鈥�. 鈥淣o wonder they struggle to mate,鈥� says Walker.