THE US government鈥檚 nuclear test site in the Nevada desert is just 100 kilometres from downtown Las Vegas. There have been over 900 nuclear explosions there since it opened for business in 1951.
Although the more recent 鈥渟hots鈥�, as the explosions were called, were underground, in the 1950s gamblers would party on casino roofs, drinking 鈥渁tomic鈥� cocktails while waiting for a dawn flash and fireball to light up the sky. The US government had given up trying to keep the tests secret and instead turned them into a tourist attraction by releasing detonation times in advance. Sometimes the wind changed unexpectedly and blew fallout where it was not supposed to go.
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Although all tests were suspended in 1992, the Nevada test site is still very much alive, using the crater-pitted desert to test rough terrain vehicles and train emergency services in readiness for terrorist attacks. The underground facilities are intact and still advertise themselves with the sign 鈥淲e are ready when you are鈥�. Meanwhile, nearby Yucca Mountain has been hollowed out to store nuclear waste.
Visiting the area recently, a colleague chanced upon a rural newspaper, the . The headline to one story seemed to have a creepy relevance to everything he had seen: 鈥淢ortuary Owner Optimistic About the Future.鈥�
CIVIL servants sometimes feel in need of a little frivolity to brighten up their days. New Zealander Alan Freshwater tells us there is a cover sheet for all the letters and documents his department produces for the government ministry it reports to. On it there is a bold requirement to 鈥淧lease ensure you clearly print your name and sign鈥�. He says that for some time now he has been writing 鈥淎lan Freshwater, Capricorn鈥�. No one seems to have noticed, he says, or if they have, they haven鈥檛 said anything. Perhaps they were in need of a little frivolity too.
鈥淏eechams All-in-One tablets sounded the perfect solution for her cold, thought Barbara Karayi 鈥� except that the instructions told her to take two at a time鈥�
鈥淲HAT are they talking about?鈥� Patrizia Figoli Turchetti asks, having encountered . The website is currently inviting us to a 鈥淐ongress of Quantum Masters鈥� in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Our request for expenses to cover the $599 registration fee, plus $1260 for the prescribed accommodation, plus flights, was declined, so we must shelve our ambition to become an instant Quantum Master and are reduced to perusing their website.
And ooh, yes, is it sciency! 鈥淨uantum Biofeedback, working through sixteen different electrical factors of the body, calculates combinations of impedance, amperage, voltage, capacitance, inductance, and resistance for Electro-Physiological Reactivity (The Xrroid Process). The body is indeed electric.鈥�
We are not sure whether this last is a reference to Walt Whitman鈥檚 poem I sing the body electric or to the album of the same name by the popular music combo Weather Report. The odds are that it鈥檚 both, given how eclectic the techniques and methods of Quantum Biofeedback appear to be.
They 鈥渋nclude addressing areas those [sic] most typically affected by the stressors of 鈥榚very-day living鈥�.鈥� Some examples of these methods and areas are the 鈥淭ri-vector鈥�, 鈥淎uto-Meridian鈥�, 鈥淗omeopathy鈥�, 鈥淎uto-Frequency鈥�, 鈥淎uto-Color鈥�, 鈥淎uto-Spinal鈥�, 鈥淐hakra鈥�, and 鈥淓EG鈥�.
So that鈥檒l be a box with lots of dials and switches, some with labels like 鈥淐hakra鈥�, then? It does look like it from the rather small pictures. And the box 鈥� or 鈥淓PFX Device鈥� 鈥� costs only $21,000. It comes with a laptop computer from , who 鈥渃onfigure them specifically for the EPFX鈥� and offer lots of stories apparently designed to scare impressionable readers away from normal or non-quantum laptops.
So, Patrizia, we think the answer to your question is that they鈥檙e talking about absolutely everything, except, of course, claiming to treat diseases 鈥� that would be illegal in the US.
READER Luke Maishman was surprised to read on the label of a bottle of Kerry Spring water that while it lists Ca, Mg, Na, K, Cl and NO3 in its nutritional information 鈥� we鈥檒l assume the presence of H2O 鈥� it still manages to contain 鈥渘o chemicals鈥�.
THE cuddly toy given to Sverre Vigander鈥檚 2-year-old daughter had a warning label attached to it saying: 鈥淩emove tag and all plastic fasteners before giving to children. Please retain this information for future reference.鈥�
鈥淚 think I won鈥檛,鈥� says Vigander.
IN HIS capacity as an amateur thespian, Richard Moon was attending a rehearsal for Oliver at Turvey Village Hall in Bedfordshire, UK, when this notice caught his eye: 鈥淲ould all people using the hall please put disposable nappies in the bins outside.鈥� He says he is off to buy some now, ready for his next visit.
FINALLY, in the wake of our delight at the honesty of (2 February), we take great pleasure in being reminded by Kay Bagon of an advertising campaign for one of those much-derided 鈥渃onventional medicines鈥� which could have been lifted from just such a site: the Wyeth corporation, purveyor of painkillers, once deployed the slogan 鈥淣othing works faster than Anadin鈥�.