FOLLOWING our recent excursion into the theme of time travel (5 April), a colleague has alerted us to a witty science fiction story on the topic.
鈥淲ikihistory鈥� by Desmond Warzel appears in the online magazine Abyss and Apex. It consists of quotes from the members鈥� forum of the International Association of Time Travellers, dated 15 November 2104.
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It begins with an excited report from FreedomFighter 69, an ing茅nue time traveller just back from his first trip. He says he has been to Berlin in 1936 and has successfully assassinated Adolf Hitler during the opening of the Olympic games.
SilverFox 316, an old hand at time travelling, responds in a huff. He too is just back from 1936 Berlin, where he has incapacitated FreedomFighter69 and prevented the assassination. 鈥淎s you are a new member,鈥� he admonishes the youngster, 鈥減lease read IATT Bulletin 1147 regarding the killing of Hitler before your next excursion. Failure to do so may result in your expulsion per Bylaw 223.鈥�
However, another old hand is more indulgent. 鈥淭ake it easy on the kid,鈥� says BigChill. 鈥淓verybody kills Hitler on their first trip. I did. It always gets fixed within a few minutes, what鈥檚 the harm?鈥︹��
So why does the time travel association forbid the assassination of Hitler? The answer 鈥� a clever variation on the grandfather paradox 鈥� is at . Enjoy.
鈥淎ccording to an advertisement spotted by Anne Sanderson in the London Radio Times, Thompson & Morgan tomatoes are 鈥渂red using traditional methods not genetics鈥濃��
MEANWHILE, Giles Hogben was curious to know how someone as apparently undistinguished-looking as Hitler could exert such a hold over millions of Germans in the 1930s, so he downloaded an MP3 of a recording of one of the F眉hrer鈥檚 original speeches. He was startled to find it listed in his Windows Vista Media Library under the heading 鈥淒J Adolf- Hitler鈥檚 Speech鈥�.
READERS of this magazine are experts at spotting hi-fi nonsense 鈥� expensive ways of making perfect sound even more perfect by using technology that defies scientific reason and brings benefits that cannot be measured but are supposedly clearly audible to the keen ears of customers with more money than sense. So we think you may enjoy from the UK鈥檚 Advertising Standards Authority.
The ASA has upheld a complaint about adverts for mains power cables costing up to 拢1805 a metre 鈥� yes, really! 鈥� and sold by UK dealer . The adverts claimed that making mains cables from woven wires 鈥渧astly reduces distortion levels鈥� letting you hear a sound that is vastly clearer and purer, more detailed and far more dynamic鈥� eliminating system sound fluctuation鈥� allowing more believable dynamics鈥� and a much more cohesive musical sound鈥�. In his defence, Andrews cited what he claimed were recognised facts, techniques and effects which are 鈥渆asy to hear but impossible to measure鈥�. The ASA was not impressed and told him not to make the claim again until he had 鈥渞obust scientific evidence鈥�.
鈥淲e are incensed at what we feel is a serious injustice,鈥� Andrews told us when we emailed him about the judgement. 鈥淭he ASA has told us that we cannot use these claims again unless we could substantiate them with robust scientific evidence. We have commissioned a research scientist to investigate our claims and provide such evidence.鈥�
We wait for this evidence with bated breath, but not much hope.
HOPING to unsubscribe from the History News Network鈥檚 newsletter, Diana Lutz clicked where she was told to on the newsletter section of the HNN website. : 鈥淭o unsubscribe from the HTML edition of HNN鈥檚 newsletter simply fill in your email address below鈥� Then click on the button that says 鈥榮ubscribe鈥�. This is the world of George Orwell. The 鈥榮ubscribe鈥� button will remove your name from the HTML database. Yes, this is crazy. But we are not able to modify the form.鈥�
Lutz proceeded to unsubscribe in this way and got a confirmation email saying that she had 鈥渂een successfully added to the subscription list鈥�. It thanked her 鈥渇or subscribing鈥�.
Feeling bemused, she asked a friend whether he thought she was now subscribed or unsubscribed. He replied: 鈥淵ou鈥檙e both subscribed and unsubscribed. You鈥檒l only collapse to a definite state when someone measures you. It鈥檚 all to do with quantum entanglement.鈥�
FINALLY, it is hard to keep up with all the programming languages around these days, and if you鈥檙e not careful you can easily get wrong-footed when you believe you鈥檙e being asked about them.
Michael Francis tells us of an interviewee applying for a position as a software developer with a company that has its head office in Cambridge, UK, and a development office in the south London borough of Croydon. During his interview in Cambridge the programmer was asked how he would feel about programming in Croydon.
鈥淚鈥檓 a little rusty on the more recent languages but I鈥檒l soon pick it up,鈥� was his reply.
Despite this, Francis says he got the job.