THANKS to Ian Chapple of the European Patent Office for alerting us to the 鈥淲alking through walls training system鈥�. That is the title of , filed by John St Clair of San Juan, Puerto Rico, back in 2006. A session with a famous web search engine shows that others before us have enjoyed perusing this literary gem, but it was new to us and may be to you, too.
To give you an idea of its content, here is the abstract: 鈥淭his invention is a training system that enables a human being to acquire sufficient hyperspace energy in order to pull the body out of dimension so that the person can walk through solid objects such as wooden doors.鈥�
Advertisement
To find out more, go to . Meanwhile, here鈥檚 a question for the patent officer responsible for accepting this filing: why did you do it?
鈥淭he Crane Sports reflective safety bands that Kirsty Lindsay bought to wear while running warned her: 鈥淭he retro-reflective material and LED light must be on the outside鈥�
THE aforementioned famous web search engine tracks 鈥渢rends鈥� revealed by the number of searches it receives on different topics over time. John Lighton, naturally, couldn鈥檛 resist typing 鈥渕itochondria鈥� into . The result, as you will see if you try it yourself, . The number of searches peaks dramatically in October/November, plummets at Christmas/new year and then rebounds somewhat before gradually falling again until the next dramatic autumnal leap 鈥� and it does this year after year.
The Christmas drop is understandable, of course, coinciding as it does with many scientists鈥� holiday period. But the rest of the pattern seems inexplicable, especially that huge leap. Can any readers explain it?
A WATERPROOF watch may well come in handy for a diver, and so might one or two other items one can think of, but a waterproof duffel bag? Hanspeter Witschi was mystified by the description of the Chattooga duffel bag promoted at with the claim that it 鈥渨ill stay watertight below a 300-foot-deep submersion鈥�.
What kinds of things, Witschi asks, would a person want to carry 鈥� and keep dry 鈥� in their duffel bag at such a depth? A box of matches? Picnic sandwiches? A change of underwear? Surely not, because of what would happen the moment the bag was opened to take out its contents.
Wouldn鈥檛 it be more sensible, Witschi suggests, to leave all such items 鈥� including the bag 鈥� on dry land, to be retrieved when the diver was no longer 300 feet under water?
WE ASKED on 12 April if the $5.3 trillion offered by Maxwell Kofi was the largest sum available from 鈥淣igerian鈥� email scams. Not so, it seems. Alec Burnett received a message 鈥渨ith due respect and sorrow of tears鈥� from Louisa Christopher, 鈥渁 20 years old girl from Cote d鈥橧voire鈥�.
The message goes on to say: 鈥淚 have $100,000,000 million USD which was made by my father before he died in Oct 2006鈥� I seek your assistance and permission to remit this amount into your account so that I can come to your country for investment and to further my studies鈥︹��
Any advance on $100 trillion?
A COLLEAGUE from the New 杏吧原创 features department was in the English Lake District a few weeks ago, staying in a house on the marina of Lake Windermere. Walking along the boardwalk one morning he came across a large metal box with the following message on it: 鈥淐AUTION: To be kept closed at all times.鈥�
Our colleague says he doesn鈥檛 know what was in the box and he supposes that he never will.
鈥淚 CAN鈥橳 visualise this,鈥� says David Richemont. He is referring to one of the 鈥渂eauty insider tips鈥� published in London-based newspaper The Times on 29 March. This tip comes from a hairdresser called Ben Cooke.
鈥淚鈥檓 a big fan of volume,鈥� Cooke tells us. 鈥淚f your hair starts to go flat, stand upside down under a hand dryer to add height at the roots.鈥�
We can鈥檛 visualise it either. And, like Richemont, we find it particularly hard to picture how one activates the hand dryer and directs air from it onto one鈥檚 head while standing upside down.
READER Kate Preston鈥檚 Miele fridge needed repairing, and she was impressed to find on that it promised: 鈥淪hould you request a Miele engineer to visit, we are able to provide you with the time slot and name of engineer that will visit after 4.30 the day before.鈥�
FINALLY, when his Wi-Fi printer failed to function properly, Dan Palmer emailed Lexmark technical support for help and got this answer: 鈥淲e would like to inform you that the issue appears to be with the wireless cord or on the software. Please call.鈥�
鈥淭hey seem not to understand the wireless thing,鈥� Palmer observes.