The wondrousness of flower essences
GRADE A gobbledegook is available for the reading pleasure of connoisseurs, thanks to the alertness of John Meyer, at 鈥� home of Australian Bush Flower Essences. Curiously, the company is based in British Columbia, Canada. Presumably, exotic Australian things are doubly exotic there.
We have space only for a small sample of the wondrousness: 鈥淲hen an Essence is ingested or absorbed through the skin, it is assimilated into the blood stream. Then it settles midway between the circulatory and nervous systems. There, an electromagnetic current is created by the polarity of the two systems. The Essence then moves directly to the meridians, which are vital mechanisms of interface between the subtle bodies and the physical body.鈥�
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There are more revolutionary findings that should excite physiologists everywhere: 鈥淭he quartz-like crystalline silica structures in the physical body, such as those in the bloodstream, the hair and nails, amplify and transmit the healing energies of the Flower Essences to their appropriate sights [sic]鈥︹�� And at that, Feedback鈥檚 heart turned to stone.
We did go back to discover that the Essences are prepared 鈥渂y imprinting a flower鈥檚 unique vibrational healing signature onto a carrier solution of brandy鈥�. So they may be effective against sobriety, we鈥檒l grant.
鈥淥n a reader鈥檚 tube of Colgate toothpaste it is written: 鈥淐linically proven everyday protection against time.鈥� So if you smear it on your head it will stop hair loss?鈥�
鈥淧erhaps,鈥� John muses, 鈥淚 need to take some Bauhinia, which is for 鈥檈mbracing new concepts and ideas. There may be some hesitation or reluctance, initially, in coming to terms with these鈥�.鈥� Feedback plans to douse an expenses claim 鈥� for a $385 correspondence course on flower essences 鈥� in this belief-inducing substance. Shhh, don鈥檛 tell the Editor.
鈥淎NY discussion of oral sex has clear links with the last two USA administrations,鈥� write Marian Pitts and Anthony Smith in an editorial in the Australian journal Sexual Health (vol 5, p 315). It鈥檚 the sort of opening sentence that definitely grabs one鈥檚 attention. The reference to Bill Clinton was obvious, but what about George W. Bush? A curious Feedback read on, wondering if they had discovered Bush in one of those interesting moments that lead to sudden resignations 鈥渢o spend more time with the family鈥�. Alas, they only linked him to the issue of sexual abstinence, which he was in favour of, and through that to the discussion of 鈥渢echnical virgins鈥� 鈥� those who, like Clinton, don鈥檛 consider oral sex to be intercourse.
鈥淭he issues of what counts as sex and what one actually can do while remaining sexually abstinent are important questions,鈥� the authors continue. They cite some fascinating statistics, such as a survey of 925 Californian teenagers aged 14 to 19, reporting that 44.2 per cent thought 鈥済enital touching was consistent with being abstinent鈥�, 33.4 per cent considered oral sex OK, and 14.3 per cent thought anal sex fell within the boundaries of abstinence. They don鈥檛 mention if any of the Californians thought they could remain abstinent while having vaginal sex but, given the above, Feedback suspects some would have responded in the affirmative.
The authors go on to cite a host of other surveys of other groups, but eventually the details and the sentences grow tortuously convoluted and academic. 鈥淢ost oral sex,鈥� they write, 鈥渋s happening concurrently with vaginal or anal sex and so must be understood within the context of a more complex and multifactorial sexual encounter, yet these other activities seem somehow less worthy of consideration or our attention.鈥� It makes Feedback recall a cynical response to the long-running debate over sex education in schools 鈥� it would make sex seem so dull that pupils would lose all interest in it.
Chemistry at a considerable cost
IS THIS the world鈥檚 most expensive chemistry book? Its is: 鈥�Chemical Shifts and Coupling Constants for Silicon-29 (Landolt-Bornstein: Numerical Data and Functional Relationships in Science and Technology 鈥� New Series) (Hardcover)鈥� by R. R. Gupta, M. D. Lechner, H. Marsmann, B. Mikhova and F. Uhlig. It costs $8539 鈥� a mere $18.44 for each of its 463 pages, as one Amazon customer-reviewer calculated. Another noted that while the 463-page tome 鈥渟tarts off a little slow, once you get into the third chapter, 鈥楽ilicon Molecules: We Hardly Knew Ye鈥�, you just can鈥檛 put this book down鈥�.
If you want a piece of this action but you鈥檙e feeling the pinch, don鈥檛 worry, Amazon has kindly made the shipping free.
SPOTTED on the internal jobs bulletin board at the BBC by a reader whose anonymity we have carefully protected by losing their message for months: 鈥淛ob title: Marketing Manager, Earth鈥�.
Marketing to whom? At you can see that the post is 鈥渘o longer being advertised鈥�. Has the planet been sold, then? Why were we not told?
Mutually exclusive ticket machines
FINALLY, our thanks to Dennis Kaye, who has sent us a photograph of two payment machines standing side by side in a car park in Redbridge, London, UK. Both have a notice on them saying: 鈥淧lease use other machine.鈥�