I SAY chaps, this jolly well isn鈥檛 on, don鈥檛 you know, what?
When Chris James contacted Google Docs help centre in order to post a comment, he got this message: 鈥淚f you would like to contact us, you will need to do so in one of the languages below. We are unable to provide email support in your language at this time.鈥�
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The 鈥渓anguages below鈥� consisted of a list of precisely one: 鈥淓nglish (US)鈥�.
Chris鈥檚 language is English (UK) 鈥� which, apparently, Google cannot provide support in. Feedback is appalled, don鈥檛 you know.
Uninterruptible unit interrupted
THE IT service at the University of Hull鈥檚 Centre for Environment and Marine Science in Scarborough, UK, recently sent round a message headed: 鈥淯pdate 鈥� Failure of Uninterruptible Power Supply Unit.鈥�
Lisa Scott tells us that this interruption to the uninterruptible unit 鈥� which regulates the power to the main university data centre 鈥� was so serious that all university networked computing services were at risk from power surges until the interruption was dealt with.
鈥淭ravelling across Wales recently, David Lloyd passed a pub apparently called THE WHITE ION. He wondered if this reflected the scientific sophistication of the pub landlord, or the quality of Welsh beer鈥�
THE AlphaGalileo European science news organisation always signs off the headlines of its press releases with the words 鈥渇rom 鈥�. Sometimes, Alan Burkitt-Gray notes, this can have unfortunate consequences, as in a recent headline that read: 鈥淚nadequacy of current guidelines for sexually transmitted infections from .鈥�
Is it a lamp or a croquet hoop?
HERE is our nomination for daft product instruction of the week. When Tim Newberry ordered some light bulbs 鈥� or 鈥渓amps鈥� 鈥� from , the company sent him an email notifying him that the goods had been dispatched and warning him: 鈥淚mportant Information 鈥� Please note goods cannot be refunded unless the original packaging is intact. Please ensure you have the correct lamp before opening packaging.鈥�
The goods arrived in a totally opaque cardboard box, making it impossible to fulfil the second instruction without an X-ray scanner or the like. And of course, if Tim ignored this instruction and opened the package, thus rendering it no longer intact, he would not be eligible for a refund if it turned out the contents were a set of croquet hoops instead of the lamps he had ordered.
Click here if you have no internet access
THE states: 鈥淯sers who have no internet or email access at all and cannot uninstall or shutdown ZoneAlarm, please Click Here.鈥�
Although he did have internet access 鈥� as we suspect you will have figured out already 鈥� Roy Kettle clicked. He was given a phone number for use only by those with 鈥渘o internet or email access at all鈥�.
鈥淧resumably,鈥� Roy speculates, 鈥渟omeone at that number is wondering why no one ever calls.鈥�
Houses and flats without entrances
SOUTH OXFORDSHIRE District Council in the UK is changing to encourage residents to recycle more. This will involve using three outdoor bins, two of which will be large wheeled affairs. The council is aware that this might pose difficulties for some residents, and has circulated a leaflet to all homes that states: 鈥淲e realise that not all homes are suitable for wheeled bins, for example flats and houses with no side, front or rear access.鈥�
Jim Watson wonders how people without these forms of access get into their homes. Do they lower themselves through a hole in the roof?
MEANWHILE, it is good to see that some organisations are beginning to take seriously the problem of ridding the planet of hazardous emails. The instruction at the bottom of an email that Joe Geesin received told him: 鈥淚f you are not the intended recipient of this email, please return to sender to arrange safe disposal.鈥�
FINALLY, a competition for all the family, to celebrate the Wallace and Gromit exhibition at the Science Museum in London. Feedback has teamed up with Carlton Books to offer you the chance to win a copy of by Penny Worms, signed by the characters鈥� creator, Nick Park. This fun hardback is packed with information about Wallace鈥檚 cracking contraptions and his madcap adventures with Gromit 鈥� from A Grand Day Out to A Matter of Loaf and Death.
All you have to do is write to us describing in no more than 100 words your own Wallace-and-Gromit-style invention. The best entry will receive a copy of the book signed by Park, with four runners-up each receiving an unsigned copy.
You may enter the competition by email (address below; please put 鈥淐ompetition鈥� in the subject field), fax, post or by visiting www.newscientist.com/article/dn16888. The competition closes on 4 May 2009 and no entries will be accepted after that date. The results will be published in the 16 May issue of New 杏吧原创. The editor鈥檚 decision is final.