Did you hear the one about the Irishman who loves black holes and hates homeopaths? He walked into university a physics nerd and ended up as one of the UK鈥檚 most successful comedians. Dara O鈥橞riain tells Helen Thomson how he went from the big bang to the big stage, and why he just can鈥檛 stand pseudoscience.
A degree in mathematical physics is pretty hardcore. Why did you choose that course?
I was just a nerd 鈥� I was insanely in love with maths and theoretical physics when I was a teenager and wanted to learn more about it, although I think there was an element of teenage boy bravado in choosing what was clearly a ridiculously difficult degree. But I was good at it. When you鈥檙e a dweeby 17-year-old, finding it difficult to talk to women, don鈥檛 underestimate the appeal of having a world where you can think: 鈥淎t least I鈥檓 good at this鈥�.
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Was it everything you hoped it would be?
In my degree, there was a large element of not being able to see the wood for the trees. When you鈥檙e wading through Fourier transforms and functionals you forget that you started this because you were intrigued by the shape of the universe. But then right at the very end of a really long journey you learn something like the Schwarzschild solution to the field equations of general relativity, which hinted at the existence of black holes, and suddenly you remember why you began the journey.
But it wasn鈥檛 enough to make you continue?
No, by that stage I鈥檇 taken up college debating, which was the first time I鈥檇 ever done any public speaking. I suddenly discovered I got a massive rush from standing in front of an audience and making them laugh. That was a complete surprise.
So has your science degree added any value to what you do now?
I don鈥檛 judge my degree as a utility to me in later life. It was the subject at school that most impassioned me and about which I was most curious. Whether it added value is a notion that I find in itself to be a bit cold and utilitarian. The fact that I didn鈥檛 go on with it doesn鈥檛 mean I don鈥檛 deeply appreciate the fact that I did it. It left me with an undying respect for those who didn鈥檛 take the easier and better paid path.
Do you think there鈥檚 a science to being funny?
You advance in maths by comparing the properties of one thing with the properties of another and you notice similarities in behaviour. Comedy isn鈥檛 dissimilar to that, in terms of when you write a joke you look at the properties of one thing and you say, 鈥淚sn鈥檛 this a bit like this other thing?鈥� Then you use those properties to make the first thing look ridiculous. But I鈥檓 not saying do a maths degree because it鈥檒l make you a better comedian. Do a maths degree because you really love the rules of integration.
Do you ever have conversations with your fellow comedians about quantum physics?
When they initially started up the Large Hadron Collider, the whole 鈥渂ig bang鈥� thing came up on Mock The Week. I was in that awkward position of thinking, 鈥淚t鈥檚 funny to talk about there being the end of the universe and Russell Howard being sucked into a black hole because he was sitting nearest to Switzerland,鈥� but there鈥檚 a small part of me going, 鈥淣o! You鈥檙e misrepresenting this 鈥� oh no, you all think鈥� oh, it鈥檚 all wrong!鈥�
聯It was funny to talk about Russell Howard being sucked into a black hole because he was sitting nearest to Switzerland聰
The only time I鈥檝e ever stamped on a joke for scientific reasons was about MMR. But on the physics one I thought no, it鈥檚 funnier to let it go. Frankie Boyle was genuinely worried about the black holes. I explained that they were tiny, minuscule things but then the show starts and he鈥檚 like, 鈥淲e鈥檙e all going to die!鈥�
You use science in your routines occasionally, especially bad science. It鈥檚 obviously something you care about鈥�
I鈥檝e got a whole routine which is basically Ben Goldacre lite. It鈥檚 his book as a collection of one-liners; essentially taking charlatans and quacks and putting them in a large sack and beating them with a stick.
I鈥檓 a fierce defender of science because there are two great castles that we as a species have built 鈥� one is science and one is art. You can say anything about art, but science is cumulative and people say, 鈥淚 can鈥檛 understand what鈥檚 at the top of that, so I鈥檓 just going to scrabble around in the mud outside the castle and build my own shitty version of it out of reassuring platitudes and borrowed terms.鈥� Terms like energy. The use of the word energy is one of the great scandals of pseudoscience. That anyone can grab the word energy and say 鈥淚 can move your negative energy鈥� or 鈥済rab this crystal鈥檚energy鈥� drives me up the wall. Up. The. Wall.
Is there鈥�
And homeopathy! People have a tendency to think homeopathy is like herbal medicine: plants have been healing people for a long time, so, the argument goes, there must be something in it. Not that homeopathy is a piece of utter nonsense plucked out of the air 300 years ago, whose basic assumptions, like the power of dilution, no homeopath has ever thought to question. Plus it鈥檚 funny. Like people who think magnets heal!
厂辞鈥�
And reiki. Reiki! I know a guy who said to a comedian friend of mine who鈥檇 been in a car crash: 鈥淚鈥檓 sad to hear you couldn鈥檛 get to the festival so I did some reiki on your poster.鈥� Although, you know, my friend is better, so maybe there鈥檚 something in it. It might be the body鈥檚 capacity to heal. Or it鈥檚 this guy having done reiki on his poster.
叠耻迟鈥�
And Gillian McKeith! God love her. Oh here, this is perfect! Since I started doing jokes about Gillian, she hasn鈥檛 been on telly as much, has she? Now, making the same poor use of correlation as she does, I am taking credit for that. In what some would regard as a post hoc logical fallacy 鈥� the same one she鈥檚 been using for years 鈥� I鈥檓 going to presume that I am the goji berry that cured the disease.
So you don鈥檛 like goji berries?
Goji berries! They turn up in a lot of diets. I鈥檝e just done a diet and it turns out that the secret is to not eat as much and get your arse to a gym. It鈥檚 an incredibly simple equation. Maybe this is what I鈥檒l talk about on tour next year 鈥� about people who say you need some food that you鈥檝e never heard about and is difficult to source, but that contains some magical properties that will get you through this diet. Rather than 鈥渆at less cheese鈥�.
You clearly care a lot about these issues. Will you ever 鈥渄o a Brian May鈥� and return to science?
I don鈥檛 know when the comedy will end but there鈥檚 a large gap in my education 鈥� in quantum physics, because in my college it was taught in a way I found incredibly dull. So I might quietly go back and pick up a few courses here and there to get back into it.
And what if there鈥檚 an alternate universe somewhere where comedy hadn鈥檛 worked out for you 鈥� what would your career be?
There鈥檚 every chance that I鈥檇 be sitting where you are now in communications of some sort 鈥� something relevant to science. Does that mean that I鈥檓 going to turn into Johnny Ball one day? Who knows, although from what I hear about quantum branching, there might already be a parallel universe in which that has already happened. Maybe if I ever go back and do that course again, I鈥檒l find out if I鈥檓 enjoying myself over there.