HOW smart are the US military鈥檚 smart bombs? Can they, for example, count?
The question is prompted by the observation back in August 2008 on a blog called 鈥淢oon of Alabama鈥� that 鈥�, 30 is a magic number鈥�. The writer found it surprising how many reports of people 鈥� whether Taliban or civilians 鈥� being killed in Afghanistan put the death toll at 30. So what鈥檚 going on? Are the missiles and drones counting, then ceasing fire?
Marc Abrahams alerts us to a theory about the magic 30 proposed by Megan Carpentier of Air America. Carpentier documents multiple bloggers鈥� attempts at an explanation at . Her favourite comes from one , described as 鈥渢he Pentagon鈥檚 chief of high-value targeting at the start of the war鈥�. He is on as saying that if an attack was anticipated to kill more than 30 civilians 鈥渢he air strike had to go to [Secretary of Defense Donald] Rumsfeld or [President George W.] Bush personally to sign off鈥�.
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So the estimates 鈥� always a little difficult to make exact when the explosion has been energetic 鈥� might be predetermined? Perish the thought.
鈥淎 colleague in Canada received a mailshot from utility company Direct Energy announcing: 鈥淪pecial Offer! Free maintenance 鈥� only $13.99 a month鈥�
Don鈥檛 sue if you need bigger trousers
UNTIDYING Feedback鈥檚 desk, we find an empty packet that once contained six Cadbury鈥檚 Mini Rolls. Idly reading the small print we discover that each contained 鈥� and we now contain 鈥� 3.1 grams of saturated fat (so the six Mini Rolls would add up to an entire day鈥檚 allowance) and packed in 120 calories. Beneath this information appears the legend 鈥淭o be enjoyed as part of a healthy, active lifestyle.鈥�
What a wonderful phrase! We have visions of a panel of lawyers, regulatory consultants and marketing people being responsible for this gem. What other exhortations might such a panel have considered and then discarded? 鈥淣ot, in fact, particularly nutritious鈥� would probably have hit the waste basket fairly early. 鈥淕et off your fat butt, lard-bottom鈥� soon afterwards. Might 鈥淪o don鈥檛 sue us if you need bigger trousers鈥� ever have been in contention?
Carefully crafted gobbledegook
WE FAILED to get to the London Cartoon Museum before Rowland Emett鈥檚 exhibition of his 鈥淓ngines of Enchantment鈥� closed at the end of 2009 鈥� so we are grateful to Ken Manley for providing us with Emett鈥檚 description of his Astroterramere: 鈥渁 machine equally at home on land, sea or in the air鈥�.
鈥淭he machine,鈥� he tells us, 鈥渋s steam-propelled when sea-borne, petrol-driven on land and has a jet propulsion unit based on almost unknown principles, embracing a centrifugal anti-static energiser, in which rotary condensers, passing between electromagnets, charge pith-balls with alternative negative and positive currents, so that they become confused and run violently up and down the static rods, thus building up a potentially powerful potential in the semi-atomic fully-siphonic closed circuit of especially lightened heavy water.鈥�
We are delighted by this example of carefully crafted gobbledgook. If it wasn鈥檛 for the absence of the word 鈥渜uantum鈥�, it would provide a perfect template for the kind of quack-babble we often feature in this column.
TWO weeks ago we learned that jumbo jets once had a tendency to head towards the Atlantic Ocean south of Ghana 鈥� specifically, to 0掳 north by 0掳 east, otherwise known as zero zero 鈥� if their direction wasn鈥檛 checked and corrected (16 January). Now we hear that this interesting location appears to be full of people playing chess.
Ruth Wilson of Canberra, Australia, tells us that her young son plays chess online at . The site gives a list of all its online players, with a flag to indicate their nationality or location.
鈥淲e started noticing,鈥� Ruth tells us, 鈥渁 surprising number of players [located] at one spot, in what we call the Gulf of Guinea. Funny place for a cruise ship full of chess players, we thought, especially as it stayed in the one spot week after week.
鈥淎t one stage my husband suggested that it could be an oil rig, but there seemed to be far too many players there for that. Then one day my son was over there on the online map, despite being right here in Canberra. It took your item about Dublin Ferry Port being located at zero zero (22 August 2009) for us to realise the significance of the spot. Many thanks for that.鈥�
FINALLY, it looks as if NASA has chosen its spacecraft to take the next generation of explorers to the moon, notes Geraint Day. On page 13 of the 鈥淟unar Reconnaissance Orbiter (LRO): Leading NASA鈥檚 Way Back to the Moon鈥�, the agency tells us: 鈥淎t the closest distance, it would take 135 days to drive by car at 70 mph to the moon.鈥�