Lies, damn lies and children鈥檚 books
INITIALLY, Richard Mallett was excited to be told that there is a new magazine for children on sale in the UK, called . But then he read the sample article on the flyer, entitled 鈥淓co bulbs, money saver?鈥�. This unexpectedly veers off into fundamental 鈥� and indeed novel 鈥� theories of the nature of light itself.
鈥淢ost theories in physics talk about it behaving like a wave, when it travels fast it splits into the colours of the rainbow,鈥� we are informed. Albert Einstein, apparently, 鈥渢heorised that light can create particle-like entities called photons鈥� and these 鈥渢hrow off energy鈥�. Counting the number of ways this is wrong is left as an exercise for the reader.
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Feedback regularly hears confirmation that non-fiction children鈥檚 publications are something that, like sausages, you don鈥檛 want to watch being made. As some hard-done-by writers report in a UK National Union of Journalists鈥� article 鈥淭elling lies to children鈥� (), whatever the author writes, editors are apt to change, such as moving walruses to Antarctica to improve a layout or inserting a pet theory that the playwright Christopher Marlowe faked his death. Elsewhere on the same site (), an author reports that her references to hedgehogs and free-standing wardrobes being removed for fear of upsetting potential purchasers. We suspect the hand of an unsure editor here too.
BARF in style. Feedback salutes a Canadian outfit called for its appeal to a very particular niche market.
鈥淎re you pregnant and suffering from morning sickness?鈥� it asks. If so, the floral designs and pastel colours of its 鈥渃ompact, disposable, affordable, and yet stylish vomit bags鈥� could be just the thing for you.
Carry 鈥渁 chic morning sickness bag everywhere you go鈥�, the company exhorts. 鈥淵ou no longer have to use airsickness bags from the airplane, plastic shopping bags or garbage bags. You can stop searching for the nearest toilet bowl everywhere you go, and no more sticking your head in a disgusting, smelly garbage can.鈥�
How thoughtful.
THE folders in Jim Sullivan鈥檚 Microsoft Outlook Inbox are usually arranged by date 鈥� 鈥淭oday鈥�, 鈥淵esterday鈥�, 鈥淟ast Week鈥�, 鈥�2 Weeks Ago鈥� and so on.
One day last month, however, the folders were labelled 鈥淭hree Months Ahead鈥�, 鈥�2-3 Months Ahead鈥�, 鈥淣ext Month鈥�, 鈥淣ext Week鈥�, 鈥淭omorrow鈥� and 鈥淭oday鈥�.
Excited, he looked for messages in them, but sadly there weren鈥檛 any 鈥� least of all any that gave him the following week鈥檚 winning lotto numbers.
The next day things were back to normal. Jim is aware that glitches happen, so he isn鈥檛 particularly fazed by this 鈥� but he remains at a loss to understand why a Microsoft software designer would choose to create folders for emails from the future and leave them hanging around to pop up from time to time.
AND what were the iPhone software designers up to when they got to work on birth dates? Eve Ousby noticed the iPhone will allow such dates stretching back to AD 1 and forwards a long way beyond 2010; Eve says cramp of the thumb set in when she reached AD 3186.
Dates in the not-too-distant future could be useful for new arrivals. 鈥淎nd maybe some devout Christians would like to have Jesus on their contact list,鈥� she suggests. 鈥淏ut is it really necessary to have such an extensive range of birth years?鈥�
COINCIDENTALLY, the trade association Meat & Livestock Australia publishes a magazine called Feedback. Nancy Graham tells us she was intrigued by an article in it discussing a report on phosphorus that asserted: 鈥淎 scant 2 per cent of phosphate applied as fertiliser in Australia ends up being eaten as food by the nation鈥檚 inhabitants.鈥�
鈥淢y question,鈥� Nancy says, 鈥渋s how much phosphate fertiliser do they think we should be eating?鈥�
鈥淒ON鈥橳 kiss them, they鈥檙e not princes,鈥� warns a report from the US Department of Health & Human Services in response to an apparent epidemic of frog kissing.
鈥淔rogs are not princes, and they can cause sickness,鈥� says the report. 鈥淭he Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says it鈥檚 hearing about more people becoming ill because of pet frogs, especially African dwarf frogs. People have been getting salmonella, which can lead to diarrhoea, fever and abdominal cramps up to 72 hours after infection.鈥� Frog fanciers: you have been warned.
FINALLY, how鈥檚 this for an inappropriate company name? Simon Sherrin couldn鈥檛 quite believe it when he saw a truck emblazoned with 鈥淪weeney Todd Medical Waste Disposal鈥� pass in Collingwood, Victoria, Australia. He figured he must have misread it, but no, a quick web search took him to . The company boasts of using 鈥渢he latest in world-class medical waste disposal technology鈥�. Presumably that includes discarded razors and the like?
A recruitment agency in central London announces: 鈥�7.5 tonne delivery drivers wanted鈥�. David Lloyd hopes this is not a result of a lifetime at the wheel