A COMPANY going by the name of Fake Bake is promoting what Niall Goulding considers a 鈥渞ather amusing鈥� skin product. Featuring something called 鈥渁pple stem cell technology鈥�, Fake Bake鈥檚 Platinum Face Self-Tan is apparently a 鈥渂reakthrough in anti-ageing鈥� 鈥� for which you may read that it is a breakthrough in fruitloopery.
The product is described in the 鈥渟elf tan鈥� section of . Here we are told that with its Platinum Face Self-Tan, 鈥淔ake Bake has combined its award winning self-tan formula (containing premium DHA and Erythulose for longer lasting, natural looking results) with the latest anti-ageing ingredient 鈥� PhytoCellTec鈩� Malus Domestica, created from stem cells extracted from the rare Swiss apple Uttwiler Sp盲tlauber.鈥�
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Got that? This is a skin cream that combats ageing using stem cells from a rare Swiss apple.
How so, you may well ask. Fake Bake tries to explain. 鈥淲ith age, the number of skin stem cells in human鈥檚 [sic] decreases and their ability to maintain and repair the skin becomes less efficient,鈥� its blurb says. 鈥淧lant cells are totipotent, meaning that every cell has the ability to regenerate new organs. It鈥檚 this characteristic that has been harnessed within Platinum Face Tan to ensure the longevity of your skin stem cells, essentially delaying biological ageing of your essential cells.鈥�
Our response to this is simple: pull the other one. If, on the other hand, you believe the hype, then you can buy a buy a jar of Platinum Face Self-Tan for 拢29.95. Alternatively, you can buy an apple from your local greengrocer and eat it 鈥� at a hundredth of the cost and, we are sure, much greater all-round benefit.
Threat of the homeopathic bomb
OH DEAR. Those who are sceptical of homeopathy, Feedback included, may have to keep their eyes open just in case. Orac, writer of the science blog, points us to a report warning: 鈥淣ew Age terrorists develop homeopathic bomb.鈥�
We went to the NewsBiscuit site at to find out more and discovered to our alarm that: 鈥淭he world has been placed on a heightened security alert following reports that New Age terrorists have harnessed the power of homeopathy for evil. 鈥楬omeopathic weapons represent a major threat to world peace,鈥� said President Barack Obama, 鈥榯hey might not cause any actual damage but the placebo effect could be quite devastating.鈥� 鈥�
Who could be behind such a dastardly plot? 鈥淭he H2O-bomb has been developed by the radical New Age group The Axis of Aquarius,鈥� NewsBiscuit declares. 鈥淚n a taped message to the world, their leader, Professor Hubert Pennington, said: 鈥楩or too long the New Age movement has been dismissed as a bunch of beardy weirdy cranks and charlatans. But now we have weapons-grade homeopathy and we demand to be taken seriously鈥�.鈥�
The report goes on to quote the BBC鈥檚 security correspondent Frank Gardner: 鈥淎 homeopathic attack could bring entire cities to a standstill鈥� Large numbers of people could easily become convinced that they have been killed and hospitals would be unable to cope.鈥�
We couldn鈥檛 let it rest there and chased Frank Gardner to tell us more about this threat. But when we finally made contact with him he gracefully declined to make any comment to us. Probably a wise move, even though the UK government has yet to send out a 鈥淒-notice鈥� warning journalists not to alarm the populace about this danger.
Meanwhile, we have waited and waited, but the has failed to respond in any way to our request for comment 鈥� although we cannot rule out the possibility that they sent a homeopathic email that slipped undetected between the photons coming out of our screen.
Recursive ingredients in snacks
FOLLOWING our recent discussion of recursive acronyms (10 July), Harry Gibson alerts us to the equally important issue of recursive ingredients in snacks.
鈥淐utbacks to our research-centre鈥檚 canteen forced me to go to the newsagent for lunch,鈥� he says, 鈥渨here I bought a Ginsters Peppered Steak Slice. To enrich the experience of eating it I read the ingredients list. One ingredient was 鈥楤eef Stock鈥�.
鈥淟isted separately were the ingredients for said Beef Stock, namely: 鈥淲ater, Yeast Extract, Beef Stock, Salt, Lemon Juice Concentrate, Beef Fat鈥�.
What Harry wants to know is how they made the initial batch of beef stock 鈥� the one that didn鈥檛 already have beef stock in it.
FINALLY, Joe MacDonell returns to the theme of recursive nested acronyms. Driving home recently he noticed a van with the name 鈥淎CE鈥� written on the side. It seems this stood for 鈥淎CE cleaning equipment鈥�, as this is what was written underneath.
鈥淧resumably,鈥� Joe speculates, 鈥渢his stands for 鈥�(ACE Cleaning Equipment) Cleaning Equipment鈥�. Have I discovered an infinitely nested acronym?鈥�
鈥淕lyn Williams forwarded an email from British communications firm Virgin Media. 鈥淚t begins,鈥� he comments, 鈥渨ith the immortal words 鈥楥lick here if you cannot see this email鈥欌��