BATTY product description of the week was found by Bill Tango on the wall of a restaurant on the freeway between Sydney and Newcastle in New South Wales, Australia. It can also be seen on the website of the product鈥檚 retailers, .
Himalayan salt 鈥� 鈥淭he King of Salts鈥� 鈥� apparently contains 鈥渉igh inherent stored information from 250,000,000 years ago鈥�, along with 鈥�84 of the nutritional elements you need鈥�, including neptunium and plutonium.
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鈥淭his special salt,鈥� we are told, 鈥渋s waiting for the moment to have its inherent, stored energy, its bio-photon content, set free, by adding water.鈥�
This use of 鈥渂io-photon鈥� in a product description is new to us. Since the phrase refers strictly to , it has no meaning here. We have therefore added it to our Dictionary of Fruitloopery Indicators, where it takes its place alongside the likes of 鈥渜uantum鈥� and 鈥渞esonant frequencies鈥�.
And there鈥檚 more. 鈥淔rom a scientific point of view,鈥� the website assures us, 鈥渟alt has a very unique property. In contrast to all other crystalline structures, the atomic structure of salt is not molecular, but electrical.鈥�
Goodness, that is unusual. But wait, it鈥檚 not over yet: 鈥淲hen we submerge a crystal of salt into water, it dissolves, and the sole is created. Sole is neither water nor salt. It is a higher energetic dimension than either the water or the salt alone.鈥�
And so on, and so on. At last, we get the peroration. 鈥淪o the brine solution,鈥� the website concludes, 鈥渋s the fluid state of the sun or light energy.鈥�
Do we laugh or do we cry?
鈥淟ast month, Margaret Morgan tells us, the newsletter of the Australian Psychology Association advertised a workshop for health workers titled: 鈥淐ompulsive Hoarding Training鈥�
A PRESS release from EPIC announcing the launch of a 鈥淓uropean business roundtable鈥� on sensors for defence and security had Feedback deeply puzzled. What was the doing promoting the development of new technology for spying on citizens?
We had just been reading about the group鈥檚 campaign against full-body scanners at American airports. Had they done a U-turn and sold out 鈥� or were they being breathtakingly two-faced?
Fortunately, neither. A closer look revealed that was the European Photonics Industry Consortium, an industry group promoting optical sensors. It was the acronym that was two-faced.
A WEB-BASED company that offers to save people money on insurance deals has been advertising widely in the UK. Tom Newth saw one of its televised ads claiming that the internet is 鈥渢he greatest invention of the 21st century鈥�. He was unimpressed with their grasp of time 鈥� something rather important to insurance.
Turning to the company鈥檚 website, we see its response to a user querying the assertion: 鈥淭he internet was the most important invention of the 21st century, in terms of impact and not that it was invented in鈥︹��
Feedback reckons that, on that basis, language, fire and the wheel are still in competition. Oh, the company鈥檚 name? .
BROWSING through a very weighty treatise, Advanced Engineering Electromagnetics by the highly respected Constantine Balanis, David Sharman came across some startling data. In a table of dielectric constants (and other data that Feedback wouldn鈥檛 dream of understanding) of various materials there appears an entry for 鈥渄ehydrated water鈥�. It is given, perhaps logically, exactly the same value as a vacuum.
A HELPFUL map and guide to the town of Bonifacio on the Mediterranean island of Corsica notes that the St Roch Chapel was 鈥渆rected where the last victim of the 1528 fever epidemic died, reducing the local population by three-quarters鈥�.
A quick calculation by our colleague Stephen Battersby reveals that before that unfortunate鈥檚 death the town population must have been one and one-third 鈥� and afterwards only a third of a person remained to mourn.
Chemical free apart from the chemicals
READER Michael Mowlam鈥檚 bottle of Miracle-Gro Fruit & Vegetable Concentrated Plant Food has the declaration on the back that it contains nitrogen (N); phosphorus pentoxide (P2O5) and potassium oxide (K2O). On the front it declares that it is 鈥�100 per cent CHEMICAL FREE!鈥�. That鈥檚 all right then.
Going through a door the hard way
A PHOTO of 鈥測et another sign imploring the impossible鈥� arrives from Gavan Schneider. It shows a notice on a hospital door in Lithgow, New South Wales, that says: 鈥淪taff only access when door is closed.鈥�
Gavan notes that it is apparently just the staff that are obliged to do things the hard way. Patients, it would seem, can have an easier time of it by going through the door when it is open.
FINALLY, one from the 鈥淟ost in Punctuation鈥� department: Ron Westmaas鈥檚 local pub advertises 鈥淰egetarian meat and fish dishes鈥�.
Ron asks: 鈥淚s this some extreme form of genetic modification that I should avoid consuming?鈥�