Grasshoppers play football with their poo
STUCK for a subject to write a scientific paper on? Why not do something on how far grasshoppers can kick their poo?
This is what Yosuke Tanaka and Eiiti Kasuya did. They 鈥淔lying distance of frass kicked by the grasshopper Atractomorpha lata and factors affecting the flying distance鈥� in the journal Entomological Science (vol 14, p 133). Frass, for anyone unfamiliar with the niceties of grasshopper life, is the powdery waste material passed by plant-eating insects.
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Here is a flavour, if you鈥檒l pardon the choice of word, of this treatise from its abstract: 鈥淎dults of the grasshopper Atractomorpha lata use a hind leg kick to project their frass a considerable distance from themselves鈥� Males and females kicked their frass an average of 252 and 487 millimetres away, respectively. This represented more than 10 times the body length or 100 times the length of the frass pellet for either sex.鈥�
Unfortunately, now that this aspect of the grasshopper lifestyle has been so thoroughly investigated, putative authors searching for an original topic will just have to find something else.
鈥渋Pod is disabled,鈥� Fred Dickson鈥檚 told him. 鈥淭ry again in 21,668,172 minutes.鈥� Reckoning that鈥檚 over 40 years, Fred laments: 鈥淚鈥檒l probably have bought a new one by then鈥�
Unsurprising figure about fathers
A REPORT in the Kids and Parenting section of the news portal : 鈥�1 in 5 US moms have kids with multiple dads, study says.鈥� The report by Linda Carroll goes on to state that 鈥淥ne in five of all American moms have kids who have different birth fathers, a new study shows. And when researchers look only at moms with two or more kids, that figure is even higher: 28 per cent have kids with at least two different men.鈥�
George Neil finds something deeply unsurprising about the fact that the figure is higher for women with two or more children. It is, after all, hard see how only-children are going to have more than one father.
DRIVING through Derby in the English midlands, Perry Bebbington and his friend Dave noticed a van with 鈥淩eport a repair鈥� printed on the side, followed by a phone number.
The idea of reporting a fault or a problem seemed reasonable enough, but why should anybody report a repair? However, a little web searching took them to , which also exhorts people to report repairs. Perry is looking forward to phoning in a report when his TV gets fixed.
BRITS call it the greengrocer鈥檚 apostrophe 鈥� an apostrophe wrongly inserted in a plural noun, as in 鈥淎pple鈥檚 拢1.00 per kilo鈥�. Caroline Cooper has spotted a novel variant. She sends us behind an apartment building near her home that employs what she has dubbed the janitor鈥檚 apostrophe. The message on it reads: 鈥淧lease! Do Not Leave Rubbish Here Before Tue鈥檚 Night. Thank You.鈥�
THE Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera recently carried the headline which translated reads: 鈥淧aedophilia: 10 arrests in 14 countries鈥�.
Alberto Cammozzo praises what he calls a 鈥渜uantum crackdown鈥� on suspects whose waveforms had not yet collapsed to the normal corporeal form. He applauds Europol鈥檚 鈥渟ingular capabilities鈥� in managing such a feat.
IVORY, maker of software piano simulations, credits Peter Lemer with the ability to look inside the sealed envelope that he hopes contains the upgrade discs he has ordered. 鈥淒o not open until you have read and understood the enclosed end user license agreement,鈥� it tells him.
Food that vibrates at a higher frequency
PRESENTING its 鈥溾��, aims high by invoking the theories of the 20th-century鈥檚 greatest physicist: 鈥淲hat Albert Einstein came up with in his famous physics equation E=mc2 is that all matter contains vibration waves of light energy. This includes our bodies and the food we eat. As we become more aware of the life force in our bodies鈥� we can also look at the life force of what nourishes us. By eating food that vibrates at a higher frequency, we heighten our life-force energy and feel more radiant and alive.鈥�
Rob Watkins wonders if Einstein鈥檚 equation, in the wrong hands, is becoming another indicator of fruitloopery. We are not sure: we鈥檒l have to wait and see. What is certain is that the word 鈥渧ibrational鈥� is a sure-fire indicator, especially when it concerns food that 鈥渧ibrates at a higher frequency鈥�.
FINALLY, according to the advert Peter Bennett copies to us, the new Seat Alhambra family car comes 鈥減acked with鈥� cool features鈥�. These include 鈥渁 Park Assist feature that enables the Alhambra to park itself 鈥� just like magic鈥�.
The phrase 鈥減ark itself鈥�, however, comes with an asterisk 鈥� and a footnote below explains: 鈥淩equires driver control.鈥�