THE BBC has gone a step further than Feedback ever dared in its use of strange units of comparison. A column by Michael Blastland posted on 24 November 2011 on the BBC News website, entitled (), invites us to imagine 鈥渢hat every year, every one of us gave birth to an eight-year-old made from steel鈥�.
鈥淎ccording to the labelling, John Slaughter鈥檚 Pritt Stick glue manages to be both 鈥淥riginal鈥� on the one hand while boasting a 鈥淣ew improved formulation鈥� on the other鈥�
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Dan Joseph was 鈥渕ore than a little disturbed鈥� by this invitation, and even more so by what followed: 鈥淣ow go further. Imagine that you also gave birth 鈥� everyone, male and female, young and old, every year 鈥� to 10 cement, one plastic and three paper eight-year-olds and one new-born aluminium baby.鈥�
This peculiar article turns out to be about the global average production per person of the materials mentioned, including how it goes up or down over the years, and to what extent it varies between countries. This is undoubtedly all very interesting but, to be honest, we would prefer to consider it without having to think about giving birth to children made of steel.
FOR the past two years, after recovering from a long period of illness, Dave Goodwin has been 鈥渇rantically looking for work and getting nowhere fast鈥�. So he was delighted when, on 7 December 2011, he picked up an email dated the previous day inviting him to an interview for the post of shop manager at the local Oxfam charity store. The only trouble was that the interview was to be held on 21 September 2011.
Dave is desperate to find out how he can achieve the necessary time travel to go to the interview, except that it occurs to him that since he doesn鈥檛 have the job, he must have failed the interview if he went to it. Then again, if he fails to achieve time travel, it may be that he lost the job because he missed the interview.
It gets worse. He worries that if he does find a time machine and attends the interview and gets the job, what will happen when 6 December 2011 comes round and it is time for the email to be sent?
After all, if he attended the interview in September and was appointed to the position, then there won鈥檛 be a job vacancy any more, so the email advertising it won鈥檛 be sent. In which case, he won鈥檛 be able to respond to it, so鈥� Feedback鈥檚 head is beginning to hurt.
WATCHING the New Year鈥檚 Eve fireworks on TV, Alan Mayer was impressed 鈥� so much so that he did what many Feedback readers would do: reached for a calculator. He was particularly impressed by the number of bangs and flashes going on around the world. But how many were there?
The Sydney Morning Herald in his native Australia, , said it would include 鈥渁bout 11,000 aerial shells and 25,000 comets鈥�, presumably in the 9 pm and midnight shows combined. Business news website , stating that 鈥渟even tons of explosives鈥� were expected. However, that is well below Alan鈥檚 estimate of 80 tonnes of TNT equivalent 鈥� and we suspect his guess may be at least a bit informed.
Assuming 200 shows worldwide, and that Sydney鈥檚 was bigger than most, we estimate that the combined size of the explosions that rolled around the globe was between 1000 and 10,000 tonnes of TNT equivalent.
For comparison, the biggest deliberate non-nuclear explosion in history was 4000 tonnes TNT equivalent in the 1985 experiment on blast-proofing military kit at White Sands in New Mexico; the biggest human-made bang was a failed Soviet N1 rocket launch, equivalent to 7000 tonnes; and the nuclear explosion that destroyed Hiroshima is generally reckoned equivalent to 13,000 tonnes.
We have asked firework-makers for clarification but they haven鈥檛 answered yet 鈥� can any readers help?
LISTENING in to her husband attempting to renew their car insurance over the phone, Anne Morton was reduced to laughter by an exchange that went much like this: 鈥淎nd, sir, do you attend an evening class?鈥� 鈥淵es.鈥� 鈥淎nd what is it, sir?鈥� 鈥淎ncient Egyptian鈥� will that make us more of a risk?鈥� 鈥淚 can鈥檛 tell you. It will have to be assessed.鈥�
FINALLY, online deals site Groupon recently offered an 鈥淓xpress Home Teeth Whitening Kit鈥� with the enticingly enigmatic sales pitch: 鈥淏righter teeth make for confident smiles, better pictures, and are excellent at solving complex algorithms.鈥�
Anna Langley is as perplexed as we are over how these words came to appear in this advertisement.